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How can anyone have no friends?

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Magnus_Rex
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19 Jul 2011, 11:12 pm

rileyhitman wrote:
From all the threads I've read on here, I've felt puzzled that many people here claim to have few friends. I have quite a bit and my social skills aren't that good.

I mean, on this planet, in the country, in your immediate area, there has to be at least one person who is entertained by your presence. It just seems unlikely that a person doesn't have a connection to at least somebody.


It's quite simple, actually. There are a few people who are entertained by my presence, but unless I'm forced to stay in touch with them by virtue of work/school, I will abruptly stop talking to them. I really can't explain the reason, but even after months or years of knowing the person, I'll never feel truly comfortable around them.
In fact, of all my friends from my last job, the only one I sometimes contact is the guy who is owing me some money. And I don't even try to pretend I'm interested in a conversation with my old friend: I just ask him about my money and leave.



CaptainTrips222
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20 Jul 2011, 12:50 am

Magnus_Rex wrote:
rileyhitman wrote:
From all the threads I've read on here, I've felt puzzled that many people here claim to have few friends. I have quite a bit and my social skills aren't that good.

I mean, on this planet, in the country, in your immediate area, there has to be at least one person who is entertained by your presence. It just seems unlikely that a person doesn't have a connection to at least somebody.


It's quite simple, actually. There are a few people who are entertained by my presence, but unless I'm forced to stay in touch with them by virtue of work/school, I will abruptly stop talking to them. I really can't explain the reason, but even after months or years of knowing the person, I'll never feel truly comfortable around them.
In fact, of all my friends from my last job, the only one I sometimes contact is the guy who is owing me some money. And I don't even try to pretend I'm interested in a conversation with my old friend: I just ask him about my money and leave.


I've had friends like that. We're cool with each other, but I hide myself to a degree. I enjoy their company, but not as much as my other friends with whom I could act odd with.



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20 Jul 2011, 12:54 am

I really suppose that how you feel about your "friends" is connected to how you define "friendship".

I've only had a couple of friends, although I've had plenty of acquaintances. But even then, I've never really had a friend that stuck around for very long. I guess I am just not a very likable person. Friends always push me away after a while and and acquaintances usually are just people who make fun of me for whatever.

So yeah, I spend a lot of time alone. I always have and I probably always will.



ValentineWiggin
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21 Jul 2011, 3:24 am

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:

"So. I am interested in philosophy and academic psychology, and would enjoy an acquaintance with whom I could discuss intellectual topics. Would you be interested, and, if so, free any time this week?"

Surefire way to get labelled a psycho.


If you speak that way to a complete stranger, maybe.

But change the tone of your pitch so it's a little less robotic, and say it in a context where you've associated with the person for awhile, and I would see nothing wrong with it. I'd be flattered if somebody said they'd like to talk over coffee or whatever about psychology.


Ah, so I need to have friends to make friends.

Perfect sense.

I guess I don't know how to not be "robotic", then.


::Closes eyes, breaths deep, tries to be patient::

I didn't say that they had to be a friend. I said someone from a context where you've associated with someone for awhile. An acquaintance, a class mate, a coworker you've chatted with, friend of a sibling, someone from a study group who seems level headed and talks to you. The only person I wouldn't invite to lunch or coffee would be somebody who clearly didn't like me.


So to make friends it must be someone with whom you've a. already had social contact with and b. maintained that contact over a period of time. Sorry if I misapplied the term "friend" to that, but to someone who's never experienced either and hasn't the faintest as to ho to go about that, they're all but interchangeable.
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
And I thought you were going out of your way right there to sound overly direct and logical. Do you actually talk just like that?

I don't know how else I would go about assessing with someone else our compatibility and asking if they'd be interested in friendship.


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Rich-Z
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21 Jul 2011, 11:58 am

Why I have just a few friends:

I often find meeting new people a bit chaotic and diffecult. My social skills are just saying Hi, listening and asking questions (like how are you? what have you done today? listening to what their talking about and asking question at times, et cetera)
Often I just enjoy talking about things that interest me and/or things that I share in common with someone else.
In a group, I often find it diffecult to find a way to be social unless I know most persons in a group well.

My mind is slow. Also Autism does have an influence on how difficult it is to be social. Think about theory of mind, central coherence and executive functions.

In general being social will cost people with autism more energy and be more diffecult for them then for NT persons.
Also people with autism are different from each other to and some will have less trouble with being social and others more.



Sowlowsolo
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21 Jul 2011, 2:08 pm

Is it worth commenting on a thread that was started over 2 years ago by someone who hasn't been on the forum since then. I'm not having ago at anyone who has commented. I guess it shows that it's a subject most can relate to. I would just like a feature on the site that makes CURRENT ACTIVE USERS of the site stand out in some way. Is this possible?



Magnus_Rex
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21 Jul 2011, 5:38 pm

Sowlowsolo wrote:
Is it worth commenting on a thread that was started over 2 years ago by someone who hasn't been on the forum since then. I'm not having ago at anyone who has commented. I guess it shows that it's a subject most can relate to. I would just like a feature on the site that makes CURRENT ACTIVE USERS of the site stand out in some way. Is this possible?


Would you prefer if somebody created the exactly same topic again, instead of posting in this old one?