We as Aspies should stop trying to make friends/relationship

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Sahn
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15 Aug 2018, 2:19 pm

SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
Geez, I didn't think this many people would agree with the OP. I have a really hard time making friends and getting a relationship but neither was impossible. I've had a girlfriend for 1 year now and it's going great, and a small group of close friends with a few other casual ones, both NT and ASD. It takes a lot of extra work for us, but it's worth it. Giving up only makes sense if you genuinely don't want friends; otherwise you'll always be miserable.

Everyone participates on this forum on order to relate with other people, funny isn't it?



auntblabby
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15 Aug 2018, 5:06 pm

SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
Giving up only makes sense if you genuinely don't want friends; otherwise you'll always be miserable.


giving up makes sense for those of us who have simply run out of energy after decades of trying to change course and failing all the way.



unimatrix001
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16 Aug 2018, 12:36 am

Yeah I feel like giving up sometimes too. I haven't had a friend since high school (and even then it was only one sort-of friend who was also aspergery). For a long time I was okay with being alone but it's really starting to eat at me now. I've realized that I've failed at every chance I had to make friends (beginning of high school, beginning of college, beginning of graduate school). Every time it's the same pattern of trying to be social but not quite making strong enough connections with anyone, not getting invited to things, and eventually being the odd one out. I've been thinking of trying to "join clubs" or something, or maybe taking martial arts classes. But it seems like the chances of that resulting in friendships are low at my age. Even normies struggle to make friends after college.

I don't think I'm going to give up just yet though. I'll give it a few more years and then if I'm still alone at like 30 I'll probably just accept it.



artinesol
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16 Aug 2018, 8:35 am

I have started to feel this way too.

Over the years as a female aspie, I became a pretty decent actress and made friends by pretending to be someone else, gaining inspiration from people who are REALLY good at making friends and who people naturally love. It was with some success, but even the friends I make tend to be one or two at any one time, they also always had something about them - eccentric, ADHD, ASD and so on.....

This is going to make me sound like a terrible person, maybe as an aspie I am just naturally inclined to be a dick to people. I get exhausted pretending I care about peoples lives. People think I am a good listener because I let them talk for hours and give feedback/advice. But mostly I cant understand why its important and I get frustrated with them for it.

I hate that I cannot talk about myself with having such niche interests and being a HIGHLY private person. Starting a topic about myself only feels somehow self-centred. I naturally assume anything I say is boring and people often talk over me/don't hear me anyway.

I have experienced ample social rejection, embarrassing and awkward situations and I think that's mainly why I agree with this. I should stop trying because its more pain than its worth to try and make friends/be in relationships, which is the foundation of fitting in with society. Which we as aspies know is not viable anyway.



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16 Aug 2018, 8:41 am

100th post in this thread.



rick42
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16 Aug 2018, 1:01 pm

unimatrix001 wrote:
Yeah I feel like giving up sometimes too. I haven't had a friend since high school (and even then it was only one sort-of friend who was also aspergery). For a long time I was okay with being alone but it's really starting to eat at me now. I've realized that I've failed at every chance I had to make friends (beginning of high school, beginning of college, beginning of graduate school). Every time it's the same pattern of trying to be social but not quite making strong enough connections with anyone, not getting invited to things, and eventually being the odd one out. I've been thinking of trying to "join clubs" or something, or maybe taking martial arts classes. But it seems like the chances of that resulting in friendships are low at my age. Even normies struggle to make friends after college.

I don't think I'm going to give up just yet though. I'll give it a few more years and then if I'm still alone at like 30 I'll probably just accept it.



I have already accepted the fact that I will be friendless and will not be in any relationship for the rest of my life.Fitting in with society is a bad idea for Aspies considering we will never be accepted anyway. Personally we should simply accept ourselves as Aspies, and stop trying to have romantic relationship or friendships with non Aspie/Autistic people,regardless if the person is a extroverted or a introverted/shy person becasue we are vastly different from them, and have absolutely nothing in common with any NT(non Autistic/Aspie person)at all.



SpreadsheetMaster
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16 Aug 2018, 1:48 pm

So Rick, did you ignore all the posts saying you don't speak for all Aspies and the ones including my own saying we do have friends and romantic relationships or what?



rick42
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16 Aug 2018, 2:50 pm

SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
So Rick, did you ignore all the posts saying you don't speak for all Aspies and the ones including my own saying we do have friends and romantic relationships or what?


I didn't say that all Aspies are friendless/unable to get romantic partners.I know that there are Aspies with friends or romantic Partners.What I'm saying is that compared to the normal population and some people with other neurological conditions,Aspies are less likely to have friendships/romantic partners.



Joe90
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17 Aug 2018, 7:23 am

rick42 wrote:
SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
So Rick, did you ignore all the posts saying you don't speak for all Aspies and the ones including my own saying we do have friends and romantic relationships or what?


I didn't say that all Aspies are friendless/unable to get romantic partners.I know that there are Aspies with friends or romantic Partners.What I'm saying is that compared to the normal population and some people with other neurological conditions,Aspies are less likely to have friendships/romantic partners.


But by the way you word your posts you sound like you think ALL autistics are completely incompatible to ALL NTs and ALL other NDs and that ALL autistics are hated by ALL allistics and that we should NEVER try to make friends or find love EVER.


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Sahn
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17 Aug 2018, 9:29 am

rick42 wrote:
unimatrix001 wrote:
Yeah I feel like giving up sometimes too. I haven't had a friend since high school (and even then it was only one sort-of friend who was also aspergery). For a long time I was okay with being alone but it's really starting to eat at me now. I've realized that I've failed at every chance I had to make friends (beginning of high school, beginning of college, beginning of graduate school). Every time it's the same pattern of trying to be social but not quite making strong enough connections with anyone, not getting invited to things, and eventually being the odd one out. I've been thinking of trying to "join clubs" or something, or maybe taking martial arts classes. But it seems like the chances of that resulting in friendships are low at my age. Even normies struggle to make friends after college.

I don't think I'm going to give up just yet though. I'll give it a few more years and then if I'm still alone at like 30 I'll probably just accept it.



I have already accepted the fact that I will be friendless and will not be in any relationship for the rest of my life.Fitting in with society is a bad idea for Aspies considering we will never be accepted anyway. Personally we should simply accept ourselves as Aspies, and stop trying to have romantic relationship or friendships with non Aspie/Autistic people,regardless if the person is a extroverted or a introverted/shy person becasue we are vastly different from them, and have absolutely nothing in common with any NT(non Autistic/Aspie person)at all.

Ever heard of a self fulfilling prophesy? I've hope life surprises you with lots of unexpected friendships.



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17 Aug 2018, 10:13 pm

You know guys, if you see any of these types of posts, just stop or avoid replying to them. It's obvious that the OP won't change his mind at this point. I said this in another one of the threads he started.

To the OP:
I hate to break it to you, but if you are posting this kind of bullsh!t just for attention, then you are doing it the WRONG way.


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Mythos
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18 Aug 2018, 3:32 pm

I'm kind of OK making friends, just that I often find it hard to tell if somebody's a friend or simply an acquaintance. I'm in a relationship and have been for almost three years. But I do sometimes prefer to be by myself.

I have a few friends, and one or two close friends. I think it's a matter of finding those with shared interests.



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18 Aug 2018, 5:26 pm

Sometimes I do feel like making friends or having a romantic relationship seems impossible for me but I just don't want to give up because then I would continue being lonely and depressed and that sucks.

I try talking to people but they seem uninterested and bored(or I just assume so because after years of being rejected it's hard to think otherwise.) Then there is also the fact that I only talk about very few things and have interest in few things and that I'm also a very private person.

I want to agree and say I should stop trying but that would be like giving up and I hate having to just give up on something. I do think about it though because being rejected is a painful experience.


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18 Aug 2018, 6:47 pm

warrier120 wrote:
You know guys, if you see any of these types of posts, just stop or avoid replying to them. It's obvious that the OP won't change his mind at this point. I said this in another one of the threads he started.

To the OP:
I hate to break it to you, but if you are posting this kind of bullsh!t just for attention, then you are doing it the WRONG way.


Yes, I suppose we're hitting our heads against a brick wall by replying to his stupid threads. It's absolutely getting us nowhere. The OP thinks every single Aspie in the whole world is just like him.
If the OP wants attention, then he should just post a Trump thread. Threads with "Trump" in the title get lots of attention. OP, instead of badmouthing NTs and trying to convince us that all NTs hate all Aspies, go and post a thread about some boring American politics.


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18 Aug 2018, 8:29 pm

[quote="rick42'']

I see no point to continue to desire something that I can't have.I made the mistake of trying be social for almost 30 years,and it led to rejection each and every single time.I also didn't realize until recently that Aspies will always have the lack of natural social skills, no matter how hard we try to improve our social skills, because that is one of the main symptoms of Asperger's/Autism. Of course we have other issues besides lack of social skills due to AS/ASD,but one of the main issues that we as Aspies have to deal is the lack of natural social skills. Our brains are wired a lot differently than anyone else and it makes to the point where it is extremely difficult to make friends or romantic relationships,oftentimes to the point where there's no point in trying.If you have friends or a romantic partner,that's great,but realize that most people with AS/ASD tend have no friends or romantic relationships due to not having the need to and/or becasue of social difficulties.[/quote]

I wonder if you seek out acquaintances or references to act out your own self fulfilling prophecy, as you come to pass judgement to those across a wider spectrum than you deemed imaginable or even necessary for funding your own pursuit of happiness?
It is reasonable to say that without a doubt, communication and social interaction in general is a mountain of cross wired information but the real argument and problem is that no one ever sees it. However, going around judging and hating people out of self loathing is only going to make you and everyone else around you feel they are trying too hard or that they shouldn't even try.
Please think carefully about how you approach this conversation in future as another topic could prove already futile.



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25 Aug 2018, 6:37 pm

You're full of BS OP. No wonder you have NO friends!