How do you deal with being alone?

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This one goes out to those of us without any real friends or lovers, who either by choice or not have nobody to turn to on weekends, holidays etc.

How do you handle it? I need a method of coping. I've pretty much accepted that people just won't take to me, and there's too much crap in my life right now I need to pay to have fixed before I can 'get out there.' Until then, I dread every weekend and free time moment because there's nobody to fill it.

What do you do? I'd love, seriously crave, the ability to stop caring what the world thinks and just get on with my own way of things. But I can't.

Oh, I really feel for you. I know the sense of desperation I had a few years ago, because I am naturally gregarious and couldn't stand being alone. Anxiety, crying, OCD... it was not a good time.

I now have many friends.

One of the big changes in my life came gradually when I started attending Geek Dinners. I live in Cape Town, but there are similar events in other towns:
http://wiki.geekdinner.org.za/wiki/Main_Page
I met people there who were somewhat more like me, and in fact it was through getting to know another Aspie and his ADHD wife that I was recently diagnosed with AS and ADHD as well.

Something I can also suggest is trying to find -- or even starting -- a support group or social club for Aspies. After being diagnosed with AS and ADHD recently, I went to a get-together of the Wallpapering Society (http://www.aspie.co.za/) and I enjoyed the company. It's quite a long way to drive to meetings, though, so I have decided to start a club in my own town.

I think a support group would be a good idea, because at this stage you are probably feeling so emotionally needy that casual networking events every few weeks is not going to fill that space. There may be other people who feel like you do, and it would be easier to talk to them than to people who could feel burdened by the intensity of your emotion.

I am amused by the irony of the content of this thread vs. how few replies its gotten so far. I live for irony LOL.

My two cents:

I like having friends but I find myself alternating between being impersonal towards most of them and too personal to a few, eventually pushing them away by accident.

One of the factors is that I really don't like getting emotionally involved in things because they consume me completely when I do. And I have lots of things competing for my emotional attention. So i go into a protective mode of superficial involvement in most things, and dedicated involvement in a very few. The last time I was really really close with someone, the b***h broke my heart and then was an as*hole to me about it. This was two years ago. Since then I've dated another person and for various reasons, had difficulty getting close to her. I dont like how it turned out but in hind sight I find it difficult to care more than a little. Thats the sort of person that I've become. I can't say that I don't like it because it feels awfully normal to me. Every bit as normal as when I was in love with said b***h. I dont think I do like how things are now either.

Another factor is the current meds cocktail I'm on. I'm on Lamictal, Effexor, and Geodon. The first two are competing in my liver so there's more effexor in my blood than normal. Goodbye sex drive. Its a little like being 11 yrs old all over again. Very strange. Once in a while it comes back fleetingly and not very strong.

I don't like being alone. I don't like getting burned when I get close to people. I'm also very picky about who I count as a friend. If I get close to someone who is a user or trash, its worse than being alone. I'm sure we've all been there.

I don't like any of it. Come to think of it, I don't like being awake either. It all disgusts me. happy dating!

My special interests consume all my free time and energy, so I don't have a problem with being alone. It only gets hard when I need caring advice or practical help that can't be paid for. But my NLD/AS has been getting worse with time, so nowadays I'm used to being completely alone against the world. I've found out that:

1. My special interests fulfill me more than any relationship ever might.
2. Most services can be bought.
3. Nowadays people are so selfish and materialistic, that having close ones wouldn't be all that loneliness makes us dream it'd be.

I used to be totally dependent on having people in my life, but fortunately God graced me with getting used to being alone. I don't have family either, so don't that for granted if you have it.

I'm recently divorced after 14 years, and of course all "my" friends were first and foremost her friends. I don't have any friends or family locally. I'm slowly coming to the same realization as Greentea. Its hard though, because I do like to be around people an hour or two a day.

Something that I found that was slowly working for me (before my job turned into 70+ hours a week, another story) was on meetup.com, and found a non-dating local singles group that did 1-2 things almost every week. A lot of independent, interesting, and usually somewhat lonely people. Once my job shifts back to normal then I'm thinking of going again... problem is the heartache that comes up when I realize what I've been missing. Should I go or should I treat loneliness like a disease and people like a drug addiction? I go back and forth thinking about it.

Can you explain this part? It's not clear to me...

The feeling that I get when around people that I like is a type of euphoria, but when I'm alone it is a wrenching crash. Similar to a drug high and crash. An addiction. If I completely do without it then I'm functional and even.

And what have you been missing, as you say?

Well, my family live in other States, so when I get lonely, I call them-my brother mostly. My wife has most of her family here. She left home at 16, and her family followed. Go figure. I kinda get along with her family, but they're too hippie and new age for me. I like more concrete understandings rather than abstract thoughts like they espouse.

Other times when I'm lonely, I'll surf the net or watch some sci fi. I can't really think of anything else.

I never ever thought i would hear someone else say that...I'm exactly the say way...It's as if i would get all amped up around people in order to deal with the madness they live in...Lately though,i don't even have the energy for it (Risperdal).

Greentea,
#3 is so true..although a small consolation.

It's a bigger consolation when you listen to people talking on their cell phones (a way of peeking into their world of relationships). Say at a hospital, a bus stop, on the bus or train. I often cringe hearing what they say, because I see what huge crap they put up with from each other.

I do feel at the end of the day I don't have any real person I can reach out to if I'm in trouble, (well outside of my family, and even sometimes I don't fell I can reach out to them either) however I do have a small pool of semi-good friends and acquaintences I can call up every once in awhile if I'm really desperate for human interaction. Luckily my brother's freaking amazing and we get along very well, so that helps me deal with not having very many true people I can rely on. Hmm.... the way I cope with being alone though.... well I think doing something you really truly love to do helps. Theatre is my thing. I absolutely love it, and when I'm performing it takes me to a magical place where for awhile at least, there's nothing wrong in the world. I think everyone deserves something like that. Something that they're passionate about that makes them happy. If you haven't found that yet, apply for some stuff at your local park district. Look around, see what you might find interesting, then look into it. It's a big world out there, there's tons you can keep yourself occupied with, and if you're busy doing something you love, there's no time to be sad really. :]

I spend my free time on the internet, because then I can feel like I'm at least connecting with people on a small level.

I've been living alone for the past couple of years, and I have to say, it's tricky. I find that when I have the option to be alone, like really alone in my own apartment or something, then I tend to choose it above most people -- a trait I don't like about myself. If I live alone, I have to really inspire myself to get out there, which is why I hope to live with someone next year. If I have a roommate, I tend to find reasons to leave my apartment, which means I'm at least in public and around others, even if I'm not really talking to any of them. Lately I've been in a transition time when I really don't feel like I have any close friends I can really rely on (which is weird...I'm used to having at least a few close confidants), and it's been tough, so I need to make a change anyway. I guess starting to post on this message board is the first step in that direction.

Btw, Alphabetania, you live in Cape Town? That's my favorite place on earth, so lucky you.

I have no problems with being alone. I'm introvert by nature. I can identify several things in this thread which is the same for myself.

I think my big so called special interest is: Linux. In the near future (this year) I will go beyond 1000 posts on Ubuntu.org and this is a great achievement for myself, since I always try hard to produce high quality posts. It is a real job for me, although one never get paid for helping out.

I found this thread interesting.

I'm in the same situation. I watch Food Network than practice cooking.