Phoney and jealous parent and a thank you note

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For 5 years, I have been good friends with a girl with lower functioning autism with holes in her ear drums. She is the only child so her parents over protect her and even spoil her. Her mother has a snotty, distant, and phoney relationship with me. She has been this way since I have gotten into college, learned to be independent, and even look for a part time job.

For instance, she started acting weird last year when I tried her that my friend wanted to invite some friends to her birthday but was too embarrassed to communicate. The mom replied back, "Well, I am going to be real honest with you. This is my daughter's day and you can't go around dominating the party and inviting your friends. It's up to her to decide."

When it came to inviting her to my get together on Halloween night, her mother kept coming up with all kinds of excuses as to why she couldn't go. I also felt like she wanted me to bow down to her kid but not her to me during my birthday.

This afternoon was when I saw her again as I was celebrating my friend's birthday as we were going out to eat. Her parents were dropping us off at a mall while they did something else. On the way into the mall, they knew that someone else would be meeting us for dinner. Her mom also informed her to meet them as a certain spot. It was then that she turned to me and said,
"This is for my daughter. You're have to go to a wedding don't you?" I then looked at her and said that I was going to work in pre-calc for school. So she said, "Ohh," and then walked into
the mall, finding out where my friend wanted to meet. She and my friend's father were getting ready to leave and she said, "Have fun doing calculus," in a snotty voice.

I was hurt at how I was treated but I didn't get to see her again this evening because I had a bus ride home. Moreover, I got to eat with my friend and the other girl.

So, I decided to send her mother a thank you note and compliment about how nice her daughter is maturing and that her social skills have improved.

Was that a good idea?

You're doing the right thing by treating your friends' mother with kindness although she is not acting that way towards you.

The letter sound like a great idea! Just send loads of kindness her way, and by complimenting her daughter, you are indirectly stroking the mother's ego, while at the same time, showing that you are a good influence for her daughter.

Hopefully.

The letter will be percieved in a negative way, because as you have stated in the title of this thread, the mother is jealous. When her daughter goes out with you, without her, it more than likely makes the mother feel guilty and inadequate. She see's her daughter progressing, and it makes her feel bad that she wasn't able to bring about this progression.

I don't think this is a situation where you can do anything yourself, it's all down to the mother sorting herself out, you can only try to be as amicable as possible.

ummm can her daughter talk? what is her opinion on all this?

Oh yes, her daughter is really smart and she can do more than what her parents think.

Michjo, I just wanted to get someone's opinion to see if I was being annoying or if I did the right thing.