Insulting people like you in front of you...

Post Reply New Topic

Do you often meet people who insult others by ridiculing attributes that you obviously have them too?

This is not the first time but it seems that people don't realize that the listener would feel insulted if the speaker is insulting someone else by ridiculing an attribute that he's totally aware that the listener has it the same or a similar attribute.

It's like you're saying to a fat girl/guy " hey, did you see that cow girl/guy over there?".

Like this real-life example : A co-worker who was talking to us about that guy who's now dating his ex-gf and said "he's small like a cockroach ,he's small and short like this". The guy he's talking about is even taller and bigger than myself, if he's cockroach because of his size then what does that make me in his view?

Another example: A co-workers who kept ridiculing and insulting figures and groups because of their political orientation yet she's totally aware that I follow their same political affiliation , what's more angering that she didn't seem aware that she's directly insulting me too and continue talking to me so normally. I confronted her once by reminding her that political debates are forbidden at work.

Yes that has happened to me before. There is this AS dude in my year and one of my acquaintences was slagging him off saying how anoying he is, she then said "he's got that thing hasn't he?" then she started saying all the stuff he does and how much it annoyed her. I was thinking "you cheeky sod!!" but at the same time it was entertaining so I just played along with it.

Also I've had people slagging off a certain dress style that I have myself and all that.

I believe it is their way of insulting people to their face without saying it directly.

Yes, I've always wondered how to respond to these types of situations.

Well, depending on my energy and the situation, I've been known to say that I dress like that or agree with those politics or also do that behavior...
and I rather enjoy watching someone choke on their tongue trying to dig their way out of being an graceless idiot.

Sometimes I just say that's your opinion and I disagree. And then refuse to engage in competition about whose view is superior.

Sometimes I wearily sigh... "WhatEVER."

a lot of "normal" people aren't very good at dealing with the fact that not everyone is the same.

it's entirely possible that this person is intentionally insulting you.
it is more likely, however, that this person is just trying to commiserate with you by scapegoating this other person.
my response when people do that in front of me is often something along the lines of "like me?" or "like i do?" or "like when i do those things?" etc. if they're intentionally being insulting to you, they can see this as you standing up for yourself. if they aren't, they're likely to apologize.


also: the "he's small" comment might not be about stature but rather about the size of a specific part of his anatomy. if that's the case, just giggle at him silently and picture him driving an oversized, raised, truck or stuffing a sock in his pants, or doing something else fitting the overcompensating stereotype, as this is more likely an expression of his jealousy.

people who downtalk others are often trying to cover up for their own shortcomings and might not realize how they're actually coming across.

Name calling is my hot button issue so I can relate to you. I would like to answer on the assumption that you would like to continue to be a part of this larger group.

Sometimes when an acquaintance pops off like that, I might sometimes agree with them with a little extra gusto (bear with me). For example with the "short" guy. I'd hit them with something like "Yeah, that guy is really puny! What a shrimp!! !" while standing there on my toes, arms akimbo, and puffing out my chest as obviously as I can. This tends to suddenly "snap" them into the realization of what they've just said, but in a humorous way so that they both realize that they are totally in the wrong AND that I'm not holding any animosity towards them for their mistake. This works exceedingly well if you don't want to ostracize yourself from the group. It also gives them a moment to recover from their tongue-choking long enough to formulate something to say to you as reassurance that they consider you a group member and not subject to this judgment. If they can't think quickly enough to recover, throw in a "you want me to whup his ass for you?" to show your inclusion. They'll know you're not serious. In this particular case, La Cucaracha is dating your group mate’s ex-friggin-girlfriend! !! ! Right now, he's not thinking too far beyond a need for the group to validate him and is doing it by (incorrectly) attacking someone about something they cannot change.

So don't be quick to write them off as "bad people" if they just make a few of these mistakes (if they do it often or daily then have at them ). Having dealt with this social stuff for 40 years and some-odd jobs, I have come to the conclusion that NTs just don't think it through. They are simply partaking of a very basic psychological concept of "in-group/out-group" and the fact that they're saying it around you at all is a sign that you are included in their "in-group". It is quite the opposite of an insult to you in their minds (even though I agree that it is totally wrong). Re-educate them as nicely as you can.