he walked away from me, said i love you,and no contact since

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my aspie friend disappeared. five days ago, after a great hang out day together, he walked away from me and without turning around to look at me, kept on walking, said i love you,and we've had no contact since. he is on line, he won't respond to my emails or chats...we've been the best of buddies for a while now and this does not make sense to me.

can shut downs last for days? weeks?

thanks everyone. i'm so bummed ...

My BF has shutdowns that can last for days or weeks. They are frustrating. They have nothing to do with whether he loves me or not. I hope you're in a similar situation, so that he will eventually come back around.

I've frozen people out through no fault of their own... something, some overload just came up and I didn't want to be around anyone I knew. It was something going on with me, not them. Even at the time I knew it, though I explained it to myself in terms of being bored with them, now I can see I was shutting out the world, trying to disappear because it had all become too much.

Maybe if you send him an email saying you realize he may need some space right now, but call you when he feels like getting together? And then checking back in in a month or so if you don't hear from him... otherwise he might feel crowded (I would have) and fear comes up then.

Be patient, steady, and true. It may be a while, but I'm guessing this has nothing to do with you.

as an NT, it's really hard for me to understand that he wouldn't even take a moment to just email back and explain that he can't talk right now but that the friendship is still in tact...
i'm so frustrated and sad i don't know what to do.

And I wish I could explain it to you, but I really can't... it's like having all the energy and interest drain out of you or something. I don't know what happens, I just know that it does. This is really part of our difference, it's a deep chasm that can divide if you let it.

As an Aspie, I can look back over my life and see it's impact, how I've lost some very good friends because something just turned off one day, and by the time it turned back on, it was too awkward to get back in touch... I figured or they'd made it clear they hated me now.

I'm in my 50's and it's still something I struggle with, trying to stay in touch when there is absolutely no interest inside, because I know that the lack is not real, it must be come kind of biology or something. If your friend is young, he hasn't learned this skill yet (keeping in touch) and I think he'll be very sorry if he looses you.

Please don't take it personally, and just hold this softly. Both you and him. Being in a friendship with an Aspie can be difficult, but remember all the things you like about him and try to understand, it's just another part of our wiring.

donkeybuster (cute name), your words have made me cry and i'm crying so hard i don't know how to stop... he is young, just coming to adulthood, he lives with his mom who hates me because i took her kid to a nearby park, a nearby lake and on a bicycle ride (his first ride in more than 10 years). i am the only friend he has ever had. he's said that a thousand times. monday, he asked if he could call me "auntie" and spent the whole day with his arm around me and we had this amazing day in nature on bikes, wednesday, we chatted for hours on line, thursday, he said I LOVE YOU and walked away. and now he refuses to reply to my "checking in." his home life is horrible and i'm so worried and stressed.

Yes. Whatever his reason happens to be (but I'll assume it is shutdown for now), I think it's best to not put any pressure on him by sending more messages. If it is related to shutdown, this can prolong it. He will likely pick up on your need through your messages and feel overwhelmed. I don't have much to go by in this situation, though, but know that when people pressure me, sometimes even mentioning they felt hurt or worried by my withdrawal, it's almost guaranteed I'll avoid them even more; I simply cannot handle the intensity or anxiety. If they back right off, put no pressure on, have no expectations, and don't refer to the situation if they do message me, I am more likely to resume communication.

It sounds like his mom may have prohibited him from being in contact with you.

his mom likely did prohibit him from contacting me but he does have access to private computer time...it would be kind or polite to at least TELL ME what's going on.

You know, ptown, you're beginning to make this all about you, and that's not MY definition of a friend. I'm beginning to think he may be ignoring you because you're TOO NEEDY.

This thread has stopped being about what your friend needs, and has become all about your needs. Bleeh.

donkey.
that's a very good point. i didn't INTEND it to become all about me or my needs but i can understand your point of view where it does sound like that. truly...just wondering about shut-downs and such. but you're right about me sounding pathetic and thanks for pointing that out. bottom line is that i'm just confused by what i don't understand (again, i guess my needing to understand may be selfish). forgive me. i'm a clueless NT.

You've gotten several good explanations from Aspies, so just study on them. You're never completely going to get it, because you've never experienced it and probably never will. Your job is just to accept that it is what it is and take care of yourself.

Just like we will never get the NT secret language or all that emoting y'all do or seem to need, but we have to accept it and deal.

Hang in there...

donkeybuster- hey, I'm not the one who said "I love you" (all that emoting we do...)...
LOL!! !

Point taken!
But he was walking away when he said it, so you can see, we don't quite get it.

indeed ! !! !
you've been great. thanks.

indeed ! !! !
you've been great. thanks.