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CrackBadger
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12 Apr 2009, 7:49 pm

Is it really just about social skills? I've had a fairly large group of friends since I was 12 so I've been able to pickup social skills off them but theres some kinda instinct I seem to be missing. Its like this innate knowing whats going on that everyone else has. Sometimes people get pissed off with me because they try to tell me something subtly without words but I dont know what the hell theyre talking about. Used to frustrate me alot but the way I see it is if they have something important to say they should just say it in plain English and cut out allusions and other roundabout BS. Thats been the biggest source of frustration my whole life people talking in a allusional, subtle way and I have no idea what they're talking about so I start to suspect I may be an idiot then I make them say it in plain English then I realize its not me being an idiot at all its just other people automatically expecting me to understand something thats coming from their mind. When I talk in riddles nobody has a clue what Im on about but I dont give them s**t over it.

Anyone else here know what Im talking about? The way people try to get a point across using allusions and riddles?



protest_the_hero
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12 Apr 2009, 9:02 pm

Sounds like it may have to do with nonverbal communication or certain forms of indirect speaking. These are forms of social skills. You'll get better at it I hope. You should.



Fiberfiend
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19 Apr 2009, 10:28 pm

I can totally relate. If I am in a conversation with just one person, I can usually keep up and make sense of things, but if I don't really try and focus on them, I get lost. Simple things like music and background conversation, such as at a restaurant, totally distract me.

If there are a group of people talking, I can't keep up at all. Most people talk metaphorically and in an abstract way that I can't understand. I don't get a lot of things people think are funny. I do have a sense of humor though! It's just different than other people's. I'm not being elitist or anything, I just like smart humor.

I always wondered why people couldn't just say what they were really thinking. I know that it would not be a nice world, but when you don't understand the subtleties, it makes you feel really left out.



outlier
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20 Apr 2009, 4:10 am

I understand. I use language in a very straightforward, explicit way. Some people read things that aren't there and assume I have intentions beyond making my point or sharing information. I also have difficulty understanding some, due to my trouble with language pragmatics and their use of emotional reasoning.



androo4salez
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20 Apr 2009, 11:36 am

CrackBadger wrote:
the way I see it is if they have something important to say they should just say it in plain English and cut out allusions and other roundabout BS.


Exactly.

Even some of us with the social know how still hate it when people play these kind of mind games. People should say what they mean, and mean what they say. Bluntly.


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Last edited by androo4salez on 20 Apr 2009, 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

b9
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20 Apr 2009, 12:00 pm

CrackBadger wrote:
Is it really just about social skills?

is what really about social skills?
if you are talking about getting people to like you, then i guess it is all about social skills.

but maybe getting people to "believe in you" requires honesty, and not "social skills".
if you can honestly "love" someone , you can not hide it. you need not express it, because the person you love can "see" it. i do not know how, but people who i think are adorable see that i think that (in some mysterious way) , and they like it. i can not see if they like me, but i believe they do because they like that i like them so much without "judgement".



matsuiny2004
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07 Jun 2009, 9:01 pm

androo4salez wrote:
CrackBadger wrote:
the way I see it is if they have something important to say they should just say it in plain English and cut out allusions and other roundabout BS.


Exactly.

Even some of us with the social know how still hate it when people play these kind of mind games. People should say what they mean, and mean what they say. Bluntly.


Is there a reason people do this?


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Maggiedoll
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07 Jun 2009, 9:43 pm

a lot of people consider it rude to be blunt and honest.. personally, I consider it rude not to be. I prefer to be with people who say what they mean and mean what they say, tell me honestly if they think something I've done is good or bad, tell me WHAT to do better if I do something wrong, and don't leave me playing guessing games as to where I stand. A lot of people prefer people who sugar-coat everything, and if they have a problem, just make nasty off-handed remarks. I just can't stand that. Seems dishonest and manipulative and nasty to me. I'd rather someone be straight-forward, even if it seems rude. At least that means that someone has enough respect to tell the actual truth.



Tim_Tex
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08 Jun 2009, 12:55 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
a lot of people consider it rude to be blunt and honest.. personally, I consider it rude not to be. I prefer to be with people who say what they mean and mean what they say, tell me honestly if they think something I've done is good or bad, tell me WHAT to do better if I do something wrong, and don't leave me playing guessing games as to where I stand. A lot of people prefer people who sugar-coat everything, and if they have a problem, just make nasty off-handed remarks. I just can't stand that. Seems dishonest and manipulative and nasty to me. I'd rather someone be straight-forward, even if it seems rude. At least that means that someone has enough respect to tell the actual truth.


Same here.



Ben_Shapiro
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08 Jun 2009, 1:04 pm

It seems to me as though there should be subtitles because I dont understand their crazy language, so when I say what I think I am doing them a service not insulting them.



Maggiedoll
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09 Jun 2009, 4:29 pm

Ben_Shapiro wrote:
It seems to me as though there should be subtitles because I dont understand their crazy language, so when I say what I think I am doing them a service not insulting them.


So much of it is just opposite to everything that makes sense.. To me, if someone has a fact wrong, the only reason not to tell them about it is if I think they're too stupid, ignorant, or nasty for me to bother sharing that information with them. I don't mean like opinion stuff, I mean straight-out facts.. But apparently sharing information with people is Wrong. WTF?!?!