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Maggiedoll
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10 Jun 2009, 2:16 pm

An ex told me I looked "dodgy" because my eyes move around when I look someone in the eye. The thing is that I look back and fourth between someone's eyes when I'm trying to look them in the eye, because I don't know WHICH eye to look in! It's been suggested that I look at the bridge of someone's nose, or between their eyebrows, so as to make eye contact without doing that, but doesn't not looking at someone's eyes when looking them in the eye totally defeat the point of eye contact?!

On a side note.. my eyes change color. I thought the color-changing-eyes thing was a myth, that some people's eyes just look different depending on what they're wearing, like when you say that a color brings out someone's eyes, but mine actually do. Once my fiance looked into them for awhile, and said he could actually see them changing color, like shifting as he watched. I think it depends on how dilated my pupils are. I have little gold flecks in my eyes, so if my pupils are contracted, they look more blue, but if they're dilated, that means there's less iris showing, so the flecks are more concentrated, and my eyes look green. Every so often Kris stops me, stares into my eyes, then says "blue" or "green." I still think that the thing about people's eyes changing color by mood must be a myth.. but if light affects mood, then maybe it's technically true.
BTW, that first paragraph was my post... the eye color thing was just a side rant. :-P



drowbot0181
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10 Jun 2009, 4:57 pm

I don't even bother trying anymore. I don't get the whole eye contact thing. Has an NT ever tried conscious looking somebody in the eye? That's bad enough, but are we really supposed to look in both eyes at once? How do you do that? I don't think it is even physically possible, except for those people that can move their eyes independently of each other.



Maggiedoll
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10 Jun 2009, 5:15 pm

drowbot0181 wrote:
I don't even bother trying anymore. I don't get the whole eye contact thing. Has an NT ever tried conscious looking somebody in the eye? That's bad enough, but are we really supposed to look in both eyes at once? How do you do that? I don't think it is even physically possible, except for those people that can move their eyes independently of each other.


I think that THEY fake it!



ed
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10 Jun 2009, 5:22 pm

I look people in the mouth, and no one has ever noticed the difference. It must not be an exact thing for others to see, just an approximation seems to be fine.

There was another topic recently that said we have to be careful not to look someone in the eyes for too long, that there is a "way" to do it... that's far too much for me, I give up... it just isn't worth the effort :wall:


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amazon_television
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10 Jun 2009, 6:04 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
An ex told me I looked "dodgy" because my eyes move around when I look someone in the eye. The thing is that I look back and fourth between someone's eyes when I'm trying to look them in the eye, because I don't know WHICH eye to look in!


I know, right? Looking in 2 eyes at once is an art form :lol:



tomamil
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10 Jun 2009, 6:39 pm

ed wrote:
I look people in the mouth, and no one has ever noticed the difference. It must not be an exact thing for others to see, just an approximation seems to be fine.

yeah, i've been looking people in the mouth since 'i was born' and it never occurred to me that it was strange, no one ever told me anything about it and people seemed not to notice. i just read about it when i read about AS :) until then i had no idea i was doing something wrong.


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sinsboldly
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10 Jun 2009, 7:03 pm

I was told to look at the 'business triangle' right between the eyes on the forehead. This is how it looks like you are looking at them in the eye, but not with that piercing stare that gives them the willies. I tried it on my supervisor and (she knows my DX) she said it worked a lot better for her, she felt comfortable but still noticed that I wasn't focusing my 'falcon's eye' on her and so she had to ask me about it. She might have missed it, hummmmm. . .?
At least you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am paying attention!


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Daniel09
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10 Jun 2009, 7:07 pm

So does that make it unusually that I can and sometimes DO look at both eyes at the same time? Either through peripherals or by lightly crossing them so both of their eyes fuse into a single third one.

As for the eyes changing color, yeah, happens to me. I have a small amount of melanin that creates a brownish-yellow sun around my pupil, and it tends to vary in amounts, making my eyes range from blue to green to silver.



Maggiedoll
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10 Jun 2009, 7:35 pm

Ya know how I can look like I'm paying attention like a normal person? If I'm not! I touch type, and I if I'm typing something, and talking to someone, then I can look at them, and nod, and smile, and look like I'm totally paying attention. Of course, if they then ask me what they said, I'll have no idea, my mind would have totally been on what I'd been typing.
It can't seriously be better to look like you're paying attention but not be than to be paying attention but look strange, can it? Maybe this is too totally logical to apply, but isn't the point of listening to someone say something to, uh, absorb it, understand it, generally PAY ATTENTION to it?

Would people like me better if I looked like I was paying attention but wasn't?



buryuntime
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10 Jun 2009, 7:48 pm

i don't bother looking in someone's eyes because I can't. It's hard enough trying to figure out what to say if I try looking in their eyes I'd lose track of what THEY'RE saying too.



marshall
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10 Jun 2009, 8:33 pm

I can only really give brief eye contact because I'm a visual thinker. I can't think and look someone in the eye at the same time. I either have to look up, down, or to the side or I have to unfocus and stare through the person while thinking.



LivingOutsideTheBox
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10 Jun 2009, 8:56 pm

My eyes tend to hover around the facial part that's currently giving off the most info anyway, so that's not an issue for me.
On the other, hand, I'm a physical thinker, so I tend to literally grab a concept and make wild lego-motions....Also notsogood.



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11 Jun 2009, 6:08 am

I can't be bothered anymore, I just look where ever I feel like, I do try to make a little bit of eye contact but it never feels right, so I can't see the point, no one seems to mind. I've had really good, enjoyable conversations without hardly any eye contact involved.


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Daniella
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11 Jun 2009, 10:29 am

It's normal that your eyes go back and forth between the other guy's/girl's eyes.
Your ex making a comment about that seems weird to me, everybody does it.
Just look at how other people do it and try to do the same.

Also, often when people are talking/listening, they don't JUST look in the other person's eyes. They tend to look around a bit too (not too much, or you'll look like you're bored and searching for distraction). Again, just look at how other people do it and copy.



SlayerOwnz
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12 Jun 2009, 11:55 pm

Nup, I never bother, I always think of other things. And half the time, it's the most boring thing I listen to. I just look somehere else. And sometimes, I don't know where to look.


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14 Jun 2009, 9:24 am

I just do what Commander Vimes does when speaking to Lord Vetinari: look to the side and upwards of Havelock. Focus on a point that ismaybe a foot above and to the side of the person you're speaking to. Or I avoid facial contact. It doesn't matter; I don't really care.