Fake 'friends' & being a joke

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I have experienced this A LOT in the past....being desperate for acceptance and not being able to read people well, I have on a few occasions figured out too late that people were keeping me around for some sort of comic relief....a free freak show, if you will. Over the years I've learnt to suss this out, and no longer being desperate for ANYONE and EVERYONE to like me, I steer clear of people if this may be their intention.

HOWEVER...my Aspie BF isn't so good at figuring this out yet, and certainly still has that desperate need for acceptance....to the point of being pathetic, even to me at times. Since we've been together, I've noticed on more than a few occasions what a joke he is to some of his 'friends', and worse still, since we've been a couple, I have become part of that joke. We're a pair of skittish, anachronistic, fact-spewing FREAKS to these people, they find us fascinating and hilarious, and I can't F*%£ING STAND IT anymore!! !!

I wouldn't mind as much if these individuals were smart/interesting/accomplished/anything of value at all, but the majority of them are nothing but a bunch of underachieving, drunken slags who are too old to be 'scene kids' but still try to be. To me, they're more ridiculous than we could ever be. I try and avoid them, but put up with his 'friendship' with them simply because I couldn't figure out a non-crushing way to tell him what they're all about. Then I got fed up with them, him, and his defence of them one day, and let it all out. He didn't take it well, but distanced himself from a few of the more obvious ones. Only problem is, some are still lurking about, and one has recently become a REAL problem for both of us. BF will NOT defend either of us against him, because he's convinced this guy is a 'real' friend, but I'm seriously at my breaking point, despite the fact that I have done all I can to totally avoid him.

What my question is, is this....would it be totally wrong of me to confront this a***hole and tell him what I think of him, or should I wait till it gets SO bad that my BF does it?

It's happened to me in the past. What I did was I couldn't take it any more so I wiped the nasty people and avoided people that still stayed around them. Obviously boyfriend complicates matters.... just do what feels right for you. Don't get forced into an uneasy acceptance if it really feels this guy isn't good to be around. Get away from him rather than fight. Other than that.. I got nothing.

Well, that's pretty much what I did with my own fake 'friends', and what he did with a lot of his....but this guy...well, he's a special one. I HAVE tried to avoid him, but he's actively done quite a bit to prevent me from ignoring him. I DID get a bit nasty with him at one point, but it was in text messages, since I can keep at least some semblance of cool in writing that I can't once I've been pushed to the limit in person. He got INCREDIBLY nasty with me, and with my boyfriend, and not only told us off individually, but talked plenty of crap about us to each other. BF automatically assumes Drunken Underemployed Fake Friend knows better than we do, because of course, he's NT and therefore sooooooo socially superior, but in my book, the guy's a douchebag and needs to be annihilated. I have no idea why BF loves this guy so much, but since the bromance is showing no signs of dying down, I'm afraid I'm going to have to let loose on this jerk.

In my experience, one of the reasons loser NTs target Aspies in this way is because not only do they think we won't catch on, but they assume we won't stand up for ourselves if we do. They're just like any other bullies....they play their game only till someone stands up to them....then they flee.

By the way, I can go on no longer without telling you how much I approve of your avatar. Sheldon is an ubercutie, and reminds me more than a little bit of my BF.

Your boyfriend should respect that. There's other people in the world worthy of being friends with. Introduce him to some so he won't hang on that as*hole's every word.

f**k man, if I had a girlfriend I wouldnt even want friends.

The main time I can recall this happening was around the time I was 19-20...The peer group consisted of these two artsy-NT BFF-girls and their group of friends...I ended up becoming their roommate briefly...it was so depressing they would talk smack about me-not caring that I was in the room at the time....would make a big hoot over my funny sayings and mannerisms, and eventually asked me to leave so they could find a "cooler" roommate...

I was in exact same scenario with friends like that. I've recently seen the light and gotten rid of them. It's been a year now and I think they're giving up. My life's improved since I haven't seen them. I guess you need to teach him how to know when someone is lying etc. He needs to see how much of what they say to him is BS. Then he'll see that they're just using him.

That's always happened to me, although sometimes I wonder if perhaps I started to see it where it wasn't actually happening, as well. Like that maybe if I didn't assume that everyone was making fun of me just because I couldn't tell, they would have liked me a bit more.
Doesn't really sound like that's the case here.. just felt the stupid need to put that in.
Just wanted to point out that sometimes someone goes into all kinds of detail about something, and you laugh, and think it's funny, but still think that the person is totally awesome. I think that usually if the person doesn't mind being corrected by the "fact-spewer", it's a good indication that they genuinely appreciate that quality in someone.

Have you tried telling your boyfriend that these fake friends of his make you uncomfortable, or that you don't like them? Maybe you can kinda try to separate from the whole thing and get him and yourself closer to better people, without making him feel like a freak in the process? Of course, lots of people consider freak to be a compliment anyways. Those are probably the people you want to get closer to anyways, though. Most people worth knowing consider "normal" an insult.

RoisinDubh this is a common aspie problem, especially in aspie males. I have had this problem. In society there is this silly stereotype of how males should be. he probably got stuck into that stereotype and figured that he needed friends way b4 you came along. Now he's probably stuck and doesnt know what to do. he probably feels like they are making him the ass of their jokes, but then he lies to himself saying "they are just kidding". Naw, nobody kids around especially after 16 years old. thats the limit for kidding, i'd say more like 15 but 16 is okay too.
I used to have friends that would tell girls not to talk to me because i'm weird. those guys were jealous because I looked better than them and they were scared that the girls were going to talk to me so they had to come up with something. so they told girls i was weird and i like feet and all that stuff. Now that Im in my senior year of high school i have found better people to be around.

I'm african american male. when i was 14, 15, and 16 I tried to hang out with all the cool Black Guys thinking that that would be the way to get girls and be accpted, but I found out that I felt worse as I tried to fit in. I got in a lot of fights. I dont really like alot of black people or white people. they all got problems, heck, people have problems; but they arent mine.

IDK when your friend will learn, but people have to learn themselves. i did. no one taught me. No one is taught how to pick their friends or pick good ones, its all about experience and the type of people you surround yourself with

I'm sure it's no consolation, but NTs do this too - I know an NT girl one of whose 'friends' described her, behind her back, as 'a drunken, pitiful savage' (the girl in question is foreign), and the girl has spent over £1000 on this 'friend.' If he refuses to see that his 'friend' is a fake, I'm not sure what can be done - you can take a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink.

I had to learn this lesson too. And learn it before I had learnt about Aspergers which makes it harder. It is difficult when you don't realise other people think differently and have totally different values.

For me it was like the story of an alcoholic going as low as he could and hitting rock bottom before giving up alcohol. Eventually you find out that being trusting and easy going and a victim doesnt produce any good results. I found my trust was being betrayed, even in my own family. I had "friends" who were really using me as someone to put down.

Tell your bf that NTs are all about social order and if he is prepared to be put down the people doing it will not stop because "it works for them". It will get worse and he needs to be quicker to judge and ask what the hidden agenda is. They are obsessed with social order and just because he isnt doesnt mean they are not. I call it the "Napoleon Syndrome".

flamingshorts: I had to learn most of these lessons before learning I had Aspergers, as well....I wasn't dx'ed till 2000. It makes things harder, though I have to say, I don't know how much easier it would be to accept that people keep you around for comic relief even if you DID already know you have it. At the very least, this boy has the advantage of knowing why he is the way he is, and why others mightn't appreciate it....I (as I'm sure you did) just thought I was a damn freak.

Update regarding this 'friend', though....weirdest damn thing happened. Don't know if the BF maybe read this thread (he has an account he lurks with, just never posts) or what, but a few hours after I posted this, he called me and told me he'd been 'thinking' about Jason (his 'friend') and the way he treats people....not just now, but since they've been hanging out....and that he sees what I mean and wants to confront him and then cut him off for good. I'm a bit shocked, I expected a lot more effort to be required on my part, but obviously, I'm thrilled....maybe my mind-control skills are finally starting to kick in!

Sucks to be the 'joke' in the group, but I only learnt my lesson through a lot of unpleasant experience....I guess it's only fair if I let him learn the same way, but this time I just HAD to step in, because this is the second time one of his buddies decided to make ME part of their little joke, and I'm not having any of that shite anymore. I'm just too friggin' old for this stuff now, and I'm no longer desperate for people to grace me with their company. People don't like me, it's THEIR loss, not mine. Hopefully now the boy is realising that's true for him as well.