Should I just drop this?

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A couple of years ago, I moved to another state. The manager of the building informed me that one of my boxes had gotten left behind by mistake. He said he would keep it in the office until I decided what to do. I remembered a friend that I had known for several years, and asked her if she would pick the box up and ship it to me at my new address. The manager was willing to agree to this, provided I faxed a letter of permission. I did so. The box was picked up by this friend.

A few months later, I called her and asked about the box. She told me she was going through a lot of stress, her mother was ill and in the hospital, etc. A few months later, her mother died. a few months later, she was in the middle of something else. Get the picture yet?

It's been over 2 years. I am still getting excuses from this woman. I am deeply hurt that I trusted her to do this simple thing for me, and she continues to not follow through. I am even wondering if she opened the box and used whatever was in it, and is too cowardly to admit it. I remember that the manager said that the box looked as if it held some kitchen supplies or something. Nothing really important.

Now I feel I that I should make up my mind about her, once and for all. Should I just ignore her from now on, and kiss that box good-by?

Absolutely not. Keep asking for it. If she keeps stalling, call her up and say "I'm coming to pick up my box - I'll be there at 2."

The sensible answer would be to say 'let it drop, there probably wasn't anything important in there', but I know what it feels like to have stuff missing.

I think the above person has the correct advice; call her and say you're coming to collect it. Ask if she's lost it first though, as it may save you a journey.

Go get it yourself when you can. But like Lene said check if she lost it first.

Could you arrange for a delivery company to pick it up from her address and deliver it to you?

It may well be that there's no bad intent on her part, but that's she simply not very well organised and it just never gets to the top of her "to do" list. Personally, I have boxes of my own, from moving house, that I brought with me, but haven't unpacked yet. That's how organised I am. Still, I would probably send someone else's stuff on to them, just to get it done.

Why not contact her and suggest that you get it picked up, and find out what's the best time for her? That might motivate her to send it herself, or replace the items if she has used them.

I forgot to mention that I moved really far away. Believe me, if I lived closer, I would have gone to her house and demanded my things, long ago! This is why it is so frustrating. I had asked her to mail it C.O.D, many times, and still she hasn't done so.

Re: The box

Hartz stated "A couple of years ago, I moved to another state."

Merle sez: Too long ago and too far away. Unless gold bullion was in the box, forget it. You probably replaced everything that was in the box (I mean you haven't missed it, right?) anyway. Save yourself a big headache and kiss it good bye.

Merle

Thanks for all the advice. I guess that if I kiss that box of belongings good-bye, I am kissing the friendship good-bye, as well. I would never, ever do to a friend, what she did to me. Each time I have called her, she is friendly and talkative. The last time, I asked her to call me while she opens the box, just to let me know if the contents were worth shipping. We agreed on a date and time, and of course, she didn't do it.

I am so sorry, Hartz. I know we don't have friends to spare, and to lose one over stuff is just sad. The reason we forgive is rarely for the other person's sake, you know. It's for our sake.
either way, it still works.

your friend that doesn't have a box of yours,

Merle

I think you should just pretend this friend doesn't exist and forget about the box.

Thank you for that, Merle. I wonder if it's just Aspies who get inordinately attached to things. I feel like those things miss me, and are wondering why I left them behind. And that she kidnapped them. Silly, huh? OTOH, I have decided to forget all about her, and that box. I have better friends on WP, anyway.

I don't necessarily think that things miss me, but I do get attached to objects easily, primarily, the ones that I use to calm myself down and such. But if I ever did lose them...I'd be completely lost and hurt...almost broken in a way. I know it sounds silly since I can always buy them again, but still, it's not the same.

Sound like you know how I feel, in a way. I was half kidding when I said that they missed me. It's more like l had a relationship that I was in the middle of. The half used bottle of laundry soap, I was expecting to finish using. My favorite mixing bowls, my brand new Pyrex measuring cup. I have since then, replaced all of these things, but I still miss them. I wish I never trusted her.

when my house burned to the ground I missed everything I lost and it was just devastating. All my memories infused into the stuff I had schlepped around for years just ended in the smoking heap. I had the clothes on my back and a Guatemalan rebozo I still have. I built everything back up again from that rebozo. I don't get so attached any more, or at least I remember everything can be gone in a heartbeat, including me. I can't stand that again, not in this life.

Merle

That's a good perspective. I am learning.

I don't know if this is your style, but I would call that person one last time, but use a VERY different tone. I would remind this friend that you've been asking for two years, and that:

if they are unable to deliver the box, say so and you'll have a company pick it up.

or

if they are able and willing, please do so, and stop flaking.

and

if they don't want to deal with the delivery company, has she lost the contents?

and lastly

if they have indeed lost the contents, I would point out this wouldn't have happened if they'd done what they said they would do.

But I admit, this way is extremely direct, and many people might opt for something a little less thunderclappy.