Is this unreasonable?

Post Reply New Topic

I am almost 34 years old..granted I have the "AS-ish" childlike demeanor...but I am waaaaay older than 21...and I think that should be pretty obvious..despite my partner telling me I look like a haggard 12-year-old

I have a bad habit of where I don't carry my ID in a wallet..I keep it in the pocket of whatever I am wearing...

ANYWAY...
I left my ID in some other pants I was wearing...
I go to a Mexican restauraunt with my parents annnd.....I get carded when we order Margaritas....I explain that I am 33 years old....and WITH my parents....and the waitress didn't card them....We ended up speaking to the manager....My dad got upset because the manager said she had no way of of proving these were my parents without an ID....and insinuated that the manager was calling him a liar...

We ended up raising a little stink, leaving the resturaunt....and went to another down the road where...of course I was not carded for my Margarita.

Um..howyousay...i would understand the incident a little better were it not for the fact that I have never ever been carded at this place before....and I have gone there several times...and I was with my parents....

Who was being the most unreasonable here?

They might have gotten in trouble the day before you showed up by not carding an undercover agent. It is the law.

As someone who must ask for ID about 80 times a day, your demands were highly unreasonable.

Not only is it not the waiter's fault, or the owners fault for requiring ID. It is the GOVERNMENT'S fault.

Having someone say "my friend/daughter/girlfriend is overage" is not ID. Screaming and yelling is not ID. Having someone say "but I forgot my ID at home" is NOT ID. If a government official (or concerned citizen) was eating at that restaurant and saw that waiter give you liquor without ID after asking for it, that restaurant would lose their liquor license FOREVER.

You missing out on one margarita because YOU forgot your ID isn't anyone's fault but your own.

Just because you don't always get carded doesn't mean that you don't have to carry your ID with you. You say you look young. You should expect this and put up with it until you have enough wrinkles and grey hair to not get carded anymore.

Hell, I've carded a VERY young looking man who was nearly 40. He had a good chuckle and so did I, but I STILL wouldn't have sold him his cigarettes unless he coughed up his ID and he knew it.

I'm 27 and I still get carded every which way, and because I do not drive, I sometimes can't get alcohol/lotto tickets because they don't like when I use my health card as ID. But I've always got it with me. Always.

Because you do look so young (and if that picture is you, yes, I'd card you too), LEARN from this experience and bring your ID to restaurants from now on - and stop blaming other people for mistakes that you have made.

..But they didn't card my parents...

You look young, your parents don't so that's probably why. My husband is 34 and he looks like he is 25. He got carded at his bachelor party when everyone went upstairs to play pool. You had to be 21 or over to be up there. I take it as a compliment. It means you're young looking.

It doesn't matter that they didn't card your parents. Your parents obviously look old enough. They could have carded your parents, and your parents would have been required to provide their ID by law, and yes, even though it's stupid and even though they look old enough, the restaurant is still not allowed to sell them alcohol if they don't provide ID when requested. Again - IT IS THE LAW.

And saying "you've never carded me before" is a farce. They don't have to card you every time, but you are required to provide ID every time you get carded. Just like when you ride a train and a ticket checker skips over you once or twice. That doesn't mean you don't need to pay, and it doesn't mean that you don't need to provide your ticket when it's asked for.

If you want to buy alcohol, cigarettes, lottery tickets, or do *anything* that you need to be over a given age, you have the required legal responsibility to bring your ID.

You didn't. Thus you didn't fulfill your end of the legal agreement.

They are faultless in their behavior - other than perhaps they should have said flat out that parental consent doesn't count when it comes to drinking alcohol in their establishment - because even if you had some non-legal piece of ID that proved you were their kid, that's STILL NOT LEGAL ID. But it doesn't matter - if you get carded and can't provide ID it is illegal for them to serve alcohol to you.

Perhaps you don't understand - this has nothing to do with your age. It has nothing to do with one person getting carded and another NOT getting carded. This has nothing to do with parents lying or telling the truth.

This is about a legal transaction.

If you cannot provide the documentation - the LEGAL AND ACCEPTED documentation - they cannot give you alcohol. That's the law. Any other mitigating circumstances go out the window. If they don't ask - then you're scott free. Lucky you. But that doesn't mean that the second restaurant would have bought your song and dance either. You would have had a IDENTICAL experience in Restaurant #2 if they'd carded you. Period. The end.

You can't get around the law just because it doesn't suit you or you think it's silly or you think it doesn't apply to you. It is the law, plain and simple.

You're not being unreasonable, you've been there before and not been carded and you were with your parents!! ! Some people are just too proud to back off once they have asked for ID.

THEY ARE NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED TO BACK OFF.

At all.

Ever.

The few places that might do it are risking their license every time they do. Seriously. And most intelligent managers will fire a waiter on the spot for giving alcohol to someone they've tried to card and failed to get ID from.

What part of ILLEGAL don't you get?

NO ID, NO BOOZE. End of story.

You're only demonstrating how aspies think in black and white terms... the emphasising/capitalisation job highlights that.

I've worked in both a restaurant that sells alcohol and an off-liscence. I used to hang out in a pub as well, where my friend worked. There are plenty of contextual clues as to wether someone is old enough to buy alcohol or not. In the situation described, it is obvious to me that there were other reasons for refusing to serve alcohol. Perhaps the waitress had only worked there for a while and was still learning the ropes, perhaps the manager just wanted to exercise his power, perhaps someone had been inadvertently insulted by someone.

I know one thing for sure, the way poopylungstuffing and her family were treated was disgusting and the manager clearly needs to be replaced with someone more able.

you would make a good mod! I have to explain to people over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over the rules are just that.

Most people have perfected manipulations on how to get around people to get what they want. Extenuating circumstances they call it, my cat used my homework for a litter pan, my mother's sister's brother in law needed the money for bail.

I remember reading a note on a professor's door at college. It said "Dear Professor X, I am failing in XXXX and I simply can't because I am on the sports team and I will lose my sports scholarship if I fail this class, please, tell me what extra credit I can do to pass! sincerly, Distraught Student

Dear Distraught Student; In order to pass this subject you attend class, take notes, turn in papers on time, be prepared for quizzes and examinations and maintain a passing grade throughout the term. That is how you pass the course. Professor X

Nice little lesson.

Merle

As an eight year former-restaurant worker, take being carded as a compliment. It means you look young. Even your bf thinks you look 12. Just incorporate it into your schema and move on. Carry around your ID like the rest of us. It sucks, but you gotta.

So far, your stats are:

You're totally right for harassing the wait-staff/manager: 1
You may have wanted to give your tired restaurant workers a break: 4

If you can't get your booze, so what? Just order something else. Booze ain't that important.

I always get carded (even for buying cold/flu medicine - not kidding).

However, this is a LEGAL matter and depends too upon the state. Alaska (Lab Pet's home) has the HIGHEST incidence of DUI and other drug/alcohol related offenses than other states. FYI: I do not drink, ever. And I never have - I don't do illicit drugs - ever. (Do not smoke - same thing).

But....I fully understand the law about checking those IDs, given the circumstances. Alaska, and other circumpolar regions of world, have a dismal rates of alcoholism (think of Russia....same thing). So do consider that when they're checking your ID it's (1) For your own protection & (2) NOT a personal statement about you or against, I promise. They're just doing their job. (3) Imagine how those feel who've had family/friends killed or badly injured by those who are driving drunk or otherwise impaired.

So I think checking those IDs is a small matter. That being said, sorry you forgot your ID and they wouldn't serve. But that's a small inconvenience compared to that establishment (potentially) having their bar license seized for non-compliance, or worse....a tragic accident by one who is not responsible - any establishment that serves alcohol must protect since they don't personally know you; they just follow the law.

EDIT: Just to add, in Alaska EVERYBODY is carded - age is not the issue. Yes, I've seen people who are clearly even in their 80's, 90's being carded (in Alaska) to buy a bottle of wine or cigarettes. It's the law and just a known.
Interestingly, in Alaska, ALL alcochol (yes, that means wine & beer) are NOT sold in groceries, but exclusively in liquor stores. You may not buy cigarettes except behind the counter in a separate location (or liquor/cigarette stores). Alaska is very stringent on this matter for safety/legal reasons.

Also, I live in the Interior with frigid cold and people who are drugged/drunk, even slightly, DO freeze to death in minutes - that's tragic!

The #1 reason (in Alaska), by far, for domestic violence (& many other crimes) is alcohol/drugs. Hence the rules.


OP: I know you (like you!) and I know, we know, that you would not violate, but 'they' (ie: your server) doesn't know that. Guess you could order a Coke with a cherry? Or a fancy dessert.

Last edited by LabPet on 23 Jun 2009, 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've been on the recieving end in both situations, having people cuss me out because i refused to serve them, and being refused service... even though i had my ID card on me! (Had my passport as well!). It's all well and good stating the law is the law, but the issue isn't always about the law.

In my opinion, considering the context of the situation and the extra information poopy has given us, it sounds like this wasn't about the law, this was about something else.

Michjo: You might have a point and I don't know the state where this happened....but in Alaska the law is the law. Servers follow the law since otherwise they can lose their job (or their establishment's liquor license).

Poopylungstuffing: I wouldn't worry......this would not be a personal trangression they placed upon you.


Last winter I did see a frozen inebriate....this sight might change anyone's mind about the logistics of asking for that ID.
A tragedy that should not happen. Ditto for those killed/injured by impaired drivers.

Laws are not inherrently good or bad, context is key. Laws are merely tools, used equally by those who enforce them to keep order, those who enforce them for personal gain, those who use them as a shield while they attack others, etc. Anyone with black and white thinking (such as capn) should never be in a position or power, or a moderator.

I understand the law labpet, and if the situation was purely about the law and the individuals involved worried that someone underage was attemting to buy alcohol i'd have to agree with everyone else here. When i asked people for their ID at my previous job, if they did not have ID they did not get alcohol, it was as simple as that.

Still, it's my opinion that this was not about the law. If poopy is in her 30's then her parents are in their 50's to 60's. People of this age would not usually let a girl they were with buy alcohol if they were underage. The whole situation smells of someone with a power-complex (Or someone dumping their crap on someone else)