No recreational drugs

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I refrain from taking any recreational drugs due to the worries I have about developing a psychological addiction (never mind a physical one). The full extent of this is that I don't do anything illegal, don't smoke and don't drink alcohol. I'm a bit looser with caffeine, which I'm already familiar with, but I don't drink coffee.

Though I try not to be too loud about this on a night out, it's inevitable that people will try to buy me drinks or whatnot and I find it becomes clear as day very quickly. I'm Irish so I live in a culture where alcohol in particular is very much part of the social life. I made it through my college years feeling like I was more or less tolerated, but I'm not quite sure about whether it may be setting me back in crucial social respects - such as making friends, finding a prospective girlfriend, and just building bridges in general. Basically I think it may be making other people around me feel uncomfortable. I've just attended a conference with a bunch of graduate students and if their reactions to my attitudes to alcohol and coffee are anything to go by, I'm slightly worried about graduate school.

So I ask you: to what extent have you observed that someone refraining from recreational drugs makes people uncomfortable? Have things been said behind their back? Have people decided to exclude others because they did not want to smoke, drink or whatever else?

Is it problematic to just order decaf? Usually if someone just says "I'm sensitive to caffeine." "Caffeine makes me nervous." or something along those lines, why would someone else care? Most places you can get coffee you can order decaffeinated coffee just as easily as the regular kind.

So far as other things, I guess it depends on where you hang out. Like, if you're hanging out at a pub, someone might think it's strange that you're there but not drinking... but also might not. (Okay, that's not much of an answer, huh) I don't know about in Ireland, but most people in the US agree that if you think alcohol could become a problem for you, then it's smartest to just avoid it. Yours is a slightly more alcohol-centered culture than mine is, though. But surely there are other people who don't drink?

So far as the possibility of exclusion, I think it depends on whether or not they feel guilty doing it in front of you when you're not. If someone is a recovering alcoholic and is going to be uncomfortable and tempted by being around people drinking, they're unlikely to get invited to those places... if you seem to be having fun with people who are drinking even though you're not, it's less likely to be a problem. Of course, for an aspie, it is difficult to make it clear that you are having fun even though you're not drinking. Saying something along the lines of "I don't do it myself, but it doesn't bother me at all when other people do," or "Even though I don't drink, I enjoy the atmosphere." or something along those lines. I've seen people mention (I think it was in the adult forum?) that it's easier to get along with people who are drinking, because when people are drinking, even if you're not drunk, standards of behavior are just different.

If people are that uncomfortable about my choices, I do not hang out with them anymore. I also do not use any recreational drugs. Most people who socially hang out with me respect that and make sure that if I am at their home, they have something available for me. I have had some people threaten to spike my drinks and what not but I slowly drifted away from them.

In fact, I remember going to a dry county for my 21st birthday.

I'm in the same boat, more for personal philosophical reasons rather than your stated right-out fear of addiction.

Still, I wouldn't mind seeing alcohol replaced with low-potency marijuana, maybe THC-added to ritualistic beverages like Alcohol is today. It would have the same effects as drinking without the negative side-effects, depression, hangovers, violence, etc... Keep in mind that drinking makes you hallucinate after high quantities too, which is why I said LOW-POTENCY.

I can't see why recreational users would intentionally exclude you (unless they thought you were an undercover cop, or a religious wet blanket), but I'm surprised that you're comfortable being around them. I can tolerate other drinkers up to a point if we're all engaged in interesting conversation (and that takes a special group of drinkers to begin with), but I can't stand being sober in a room full of drunks. Loud, obnoxious, unfunny louts all. Unless I'm one of them.

If someone offers to buy you a drink, just tell them you don't drink alcohol. I've been to a few small parties where I was offered pot, but I always turned it down. Eventually, they just stopped offering it, because they knew I'd say no. You should probably get *something* to drink though (even if it's a cup of tea), just so it doesn't look like you're going thirsty.

Yes, the grad school culture where you are going does involve going out drinking together. Professors often will invite their students out to a bar, particularly at the end of the course, in order to socialize with them informally. This is when all that crucial "networking" that is so hard for Aspies takes place, and if you don't take part you are going to miss out on opportunities to make friends who will be instrumental in getting you jobs later in your career.

My advice to you would be to order ONE glass of wine or beer and nurse it for the whole evening. Don't worry about getting drunk, or addicted, because it will probably taste terrible to you and you won't want to drink any more than that.

Remember you don't need to actually give your opinion on alcohol or drugs when offered them just say 'no thanks I'm ok' with a smile. If the person persists just say no again twice, is usually enough to get the point across if they continue say you're driving or working later.

Some people really enjoy alcohol and drugs and some people are dependant on the stuff so they may get upset at what they may see as sanctimonious opinions from someone who's never even tried them even though you may be right and have their best interests in mind. Imagine someone slagging off one of your interests with no experience of it and you'll get the picture.

I've been to bars where people order soda, or cranberry juice.

I've done it myself, actually. Even people who drink don't do it all the time.


There's also decaf coffee and light beer. They have caffeine and alcohol, but lower quantities, though a decaf coffee has a much lower ratio of caffeine compared to regular coffee than light beer has to regular.

I've never drank or done drugs either, I was always the designated driver on weekends and everyone knew this, they were glad because there was no taking turns driving. Also I would order a virgin daqueri, it has no alcohol so it is a strawberry slushy, it would appear that i was drinking but it was alcohol free. I never cared what others thought but i did hate all of the questions of "why aren't you drinking". I always said" for my health" or because it interacted with my medicine, which is true.

When people go out with a bar and invite me I tend to come along, so I don't leave myself out. I just order water, and if it's tap water it tends to cost nothing. I also tend not to make a show of my ordering water either; I never say why I'm not drinking alcohol unless I'm pressed, unfortunately this happens virtually every time I go out.

I also don't drive. It would be a fair excuse, I'll admit. I'll be moving to Amsterdam soonish and have been told that it's essential to ride a bike, and while I really don't want to because I can barely get by without training wheels it would at least provide me with an excuse not to drink.

perhaps you could walk with the bike? lol