Muscle memory

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My son got his driving permit yesterday.
We went to a nice, big, empty parking lot so that he could practice for the first time. We got out and switched seats. But with him in the driver’s seat, the stupid button on the top of the gear shift wouldn’t move. (It’s an automatic transmission.) I tried it from the passenger seat and it wouldn’t move. We switched seats again and even with me in the driver’s seat, it still wouldn’t move. I had never had this problem before. I messed around with different things, trying to figure it out. Eventually I got frustrated enough to get the feeling, “Ok, I give up, let’s go home.” Then it worked. This time, to switch seats, I left it in “drive” and climbed over rather than getting out and walking around. Then he drove around the parking lot for a while.

Several hours later, he went out again with Dad and they figured it out – you need to be holding the break down while changing gears. I haven’t thought about it in 35 years. I have no idea anymore how it do it; I just get in and drive. Don’t ask me how – it’s magic.

Instinct goes even deeper than muscle memory. It’s something you never had to learn and you can’t teach it. Either you have it, or you don’t.

“Social skills” are the things you can teach or learn. It’s the stuff your mother told you. It’s the stuff you can get from friends or books or WP. (Like driving, it might require both instruction and tons of practice.) Depending on intelligence, motivation and assistance, you can go pretty far. You can study psychology and other stuff and approach it like a math problem. But eventually you reach a limit.

Social instincts are the things you simply can’t teach or learn. Some stuff works and some stuff doesn’t. You can't control it, any more than you can control your cardiovascular or digestive system. It just does what it does without being told.

I can wiggle my right ear more than my left. I can’t tell you how. There’s a muscle that I can pull. I know how to do it on the right, but the whatever (infrastructure?) on the left is different. It’s not because I’m stupid or lazy. It’s either there or it’s not.