Getting phone numbers/making friends

Post Reply New Topic

This is something I've been clueless about forever. It seems every NT has hundreds upon hundreds of contacts in their cell phones. Sure, they probably don't talk to all of these people, but at some point they did and got their number. I have about 15 contacts in my phone. 75% of whom are family members. Back when I wasn't single, my ex challenged me to get a cell phone number of anyone I worked with and to text/talk them (she knew about my AS and actually was a teacher for kids with autism so she pushed me into things like this at times). I had no idea on how to go about doing this and still don't. I wish I did because I think it's a huge part in making just a simple acquaintance or co-worker an actual friend. Anyone else have this problem or know any tips?

One thing I've done a couple times at work is to offer to help someone move. Anyone who has moved to a new house knows an extra pair of hands are pretty much always welcome, so as long as you're on somewhat friendly terms, they'll accept your offer. After that, you're friends. But since people don't move every day, then you'll need another 'ice-breaker'. Something simple like loaning a DVD or some other small thing that comes up in conversation. They appreciate you thinking of them and trusting them with something of yours. Course, this assumes they'll give it back. Hopefully the person you want to be your friend is someone who gives things back they borrowed.

getting the number is the easy part. Actually conversating and becoming friends is the hard part.

I've got about 40-50 phone numbers on my cell, most of whom are friends...but I only speak to about 5-10 on a regular basis. The rest are people I see and talk to occasionally. The way I've acquired them was by being friends with the person beforehand and getting their number somewhere during their friendship (but often not right away).

Try to focus on the friendships you have and try not to worry about the numbers. We live in a society where the quantity of friends misleadingly seems to trump quality (think facebook) and this just leads to people becoming discouraged.

I have more friends on my contacts. I used to have lets say, 1-2... Now it's 7 friend contacts. I am a bit shy asking numbers.

My list of friends on my phone dropped from like 30 to 2 people after college.

Also back in middle school/high school long before I knew I had Asperger's, I tried to do the NT approach (like my sister) of calling up my girlfriends for super long general girltalky conversation but failed miserably. I would call only to find I couldn't think of anything to talk about or that I'm always calling them when they're about about to leave to do something and couldnt talk at the moment.

Now these days, I only talk to people to arrange when we're meeting up somewhere or whatever and it's a basic one minute call. Man how times changed!