Why would someone not wanna answer a non-personal question?

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On the last day of the previous Semester when I bumped into a classmate from my Uni course, I asked him if he had any plans for the holidays.
He said he would go to New Zealand for touring and skiing with his family.

The holidays have been over and on the Friday (end) of the 1st week back when I saw him for the first time this semester, I asked

Me: "How was New Zealand?"

Guy: "What are you talking about?"

Me: "I thought you told me you were going to New Zealand during the holidays."

Guy: "I never said that."

Me: "Oh really?"

Guy: "I'm going to New Zealand this weekend, booking the tickets this afternoon and then coming back on Monday."

Me: "..."


I think he was BSing to me seeing that we've already started Uni and that a trip for 3 days sounds too short. But why would he not give me a genuine answer on how his trip went??? Have I said something wrong/offensive??? Does he dislike me so much that he won't even answer properly???

I mean if it was a personal matter, he wouldn't have told me that he'd go overseas in the first place.

Does anybody get annoyed when this sort of stuff happens?

Sounds like earlier plans fell through and was hoping you forgot. I hate when people lie.

He may have missunderstood the timeframe. He could have heard the "going away" part but didn't hear the "during the holiday" part even though you are very clear. My husband often hears only part of a sentence and I get these kinds of answers often.

It's possible tha the had a bad experience on holiday and didn't want to talk about it. Or maybe he was jsut in a bad mood and not feeling like conversing with you? Or maybe he is actually going the week-end. May seem weird (does to me, too), but it's possible.

Great Caesar's Ghost, lad! Your typical NT can't remember the details of something like that after such a long time (to them)! Most likely scenario:

NT makes plans
NT starts to tell people (you were probably among the first they ran into)
NT's plans change by one weekend (a very minor change)
NT promptly forgets the list of people he told pre-plan-change
NT promptly forgets that the plans ever changed

YOU and your super-powered memory remember not only that he told you, but you can probably recall (if you record such things) his posture, hairstyle, possibly his clothing, voice inflection, and level of halitosis!

DON'T read into his actions/words here; if you let your feelings get hurt you may find yourself snapping at him a bit or being mean a bit over it and losing a potential friend. Something like this has NOTHING to do with you personally and everything to do with your incredible memory (and the NT lack thereof). As evidence of this, I offer you the fact that he disclosed that the plans were this coming weekend rather than denying that said plans existed at all!! !

Anyhow, I strong recommend you breathe in deep and let yourself forgive this guy. If not, you may alienate him and his circle of friends as well.

And to answer your question, YES I get annoyed as all-get-out when this happens and I get about 100 times as annoyed when they act like I am the one who has the messed up memory, ME! HA! You've got to bottle it up and consider every fact before judgement. Always keep in mind that your memory is right but you have to force yourself to let it go if it is trivial or be VERY careful about how you correct them if it is important. Pretending they're a live grenade helps.

Thank you for all your answers!

ViperaAspis, your answer is very elaborate and you seem to be talking from experience, I sincerely hope what you say applies to him as well.

The next time I see him, I'm gonna ask him about the trip again. Seeing that he "didn't lie", then he should be able to talk about it and not deny it.

If he denies it, I'm just gonna avoid speaking to him for the rest of my Uni life. I won't alienate his friends though seeing that they weren't involved.

The "What are you talking about?" is very telling.

He probably just thought up going to New Zealand as a fun thing to do over break, but it never materialized.

It's human nature to make things up and exaggerate.


People lie, ALL THE TIME. About EVERYTHING. Especially if it makes them look better in a social context. It sounds cool to say that you're going to New Zealand over break.

If it doesn't materialize, it's very uncool to admit that it didn't happen. Just drop the line of conversation, and move on. Him acting like it's happening this weekend (especially after the 'what are you talking about' line) is just trying to save face. He probably feels attacked by the way you acted. That isn't a good thing.

If you terminate the friendship over this, you're going to have a very hard time keeping friends.

One is free to ask a question; the other person is free to choose to ignore it, refuse it, or answer it as they see fit. There is no social obligation or contract established that puts the other at your whim. Miscommunication also occurs.


M.

gsilver, when you say that he felt attacked by the way I acted, does that mean I did a social faux pas? I don't understand how else I could address the question. I was only asking out of politeness, to show that I cared/remembered about what he said...

I understand that you were only trying to be polite, but people often make up plans.

While I don't even know the proper way to handle it, it would most likely be better to ask how the break was, without pressing any of the specifics, instead letting him bring up what he did, then talking about that, as well as anything interesting that you had done over break.