Roomies and such..

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I'm kinda confused about the whole roommate interaction thing. Suddenly living with people I'd never met before is confusing enough, but I seriously feel like I'm deficient at this.
Kris and I have 3 roommates; a single guy, and a couple. It seems like there's some kind of interaction between them that I just don't get.. Like the rest of them are friends and I'm just separate. This may be partly because there's a server in our bedroom which creates lots of white noise, so I can't hear anything that's going on in the rest of the house. Maybe I'm missing things I should be hearing? Maybe they assume I hear things they talk about when the fricking server is drowning it all out? I can frequently hear that people are talking but I can't hear what's being said, and I obviously don't want to butt into other people's conversations, but if they're complaining about stuff and assuming that I can hear stuff that I can't hear over the noise.. what am I supposed to do?
Kris is always oblivious, but he just doesn't care; of course, he's also not home as much as I am.
I was worried that the other girl didn't like me, because I don't talk much and she doesn't talk much and a lot of times people translate that into dislike. So of course Kris said something to her, and I don't know exactly what was said, he said something something about how she should come with me to walk the dog, and she said she would like to, and she does now sometimes, but I feel like she feels obligated and like maybe it's pissing her off.. Kris didn't tell me exactly what he said to her or exactly what she said, and he tends to miss all kinds undertones to stuff.. It's just not so bothersome to him because he doesn't really care what people think of him and stuff, and I do. There's something going on that I don't get.
I've apologized that I'm not good at talking and that my social skills suck, and she says it's fine, but I don't really know if that's true.
And then the single guy had his blanket in the washer while he was at work, and I think it stopped the spin cycle because it got so heavy, and I tried to put it in the drier but it was seriously overloaded and I was afraid it was going to break, it was this huge blanket that was soaked, I needed Kris's help to pick it up, it was huge and really wet; like I said, it stopped the washer's spin cycle. So we ended up hanging it up to dry over the edge of the shower in their bathroom because where else was it supposed to go? But I think that was wrong somehow. His pillow was in the washer too; I put that on top of the drier, because I don't think pillows are really supposed to go in the drier, but later the pillow was in the drier. The guy (this is the single guy, remember, not the girl's boyfriend) was at work at the time.
I needed to do laundry, other people had been using the washer and drier all day.

It's like.. I apologize for stuff, and I'm always told it's fine, but I get this icky feeling that it's not.

And when I offer them food, they never end up eating it. Am I supposed to continue offering?

I feel like I'm doing something wrong and I just don't know what it is.. And I keep asking if I should be doing anything differently and being told "it's all good" but I really.. don't know. I think maybe it's rude that I don't talk to them really, but I don't have anything to say, what would I talk about? I wish I could get drunk so I'd get all chatty, but Kris doesn't drink and doesn't want me to. The girl doesn't drink either, though. (But the other two guys do)

*Sigh* I'm sorry I'm rambling.. I just feel so much like there's all kinds of stuff I'm missing and it's so frustrating because whenever I miss stuff, people end up hating me for it.

Eh, it's ok. Sharing living space tends to be awkward. The guy should respect that other people need the laundry facilities too, th flatmates probably don't expect you to hear and learn from things they say when you are in another room, and if they don't eat the food don't worry about giving it.

It's ok though, I know how it can be sharing with people you don't know well.

That business with the blanket and pillow is absolutely not your fault. It is really effing stupid to put a blanket in a communal top-loading washer and just leave for the day. Apologies to anyone whose spatial modeling isn't so hot, but considering that most people have used a washer at one time or another, you'd have to be kind of thick not to realize that if you put one huge heavy item like a blanket in a top-loading washer that it's likely going to go off-balance. Your roommate really should have taken it to a laundromat and put it in a front-loader where blankets belong. He certainly shouldn't have just thrown it in and left it for everyone else to deal with. You and your roommate got soaked! Did he even apologize?

You definitely did the right thing to refrain from putting the pillow in the drier. It doesn't matter that he put it in later, that doesn't mean you should have read his mind and known whether he wanted you to dry his pillow for him. Driers can damage or shrink items. Some people like to take certain items out and hang them up to avoid this. You don't want to be responsible for replacing someone's $200 designer jeans that are now two sizes too small. It's perfectly reasonable to put wet items on top of the drier and wait for the owner to take care of them.

Sounds like the whole house is kind of disjointed. I wouldn't blame that all on you. Clearly it's not as though you're living with acolytes of Miss Manners. Have you considered looking for a place to live with more of a community feel to it? Lots of homes function more as groups of people with shared interests or values. There are co-operatives (often called "co-ops") out there. Some, not all, but some of these are comprised of people who are sympathetic to marginalized groups, including disabled/differently abled persons. Maybe you'd be better off in an environment where people have a real goal of making the shared space homey and welcoming. Just make sure you're getting a fair deal when it comes to shared costs, shared work, etc.

Well he probably didn't know that the blanket would overload the washer and drier.. It's not like it's a big deal to just transfer somebody's stuff from the washer to the drier when I need to use the washer, I have no problem tossing somebody's stuff into the drier, the problem is only when I'm not sure if the stuff SHOULD go into the drier.

But like if they're talking loud enough that I should be able to hear, but I can't because the server generates all this white noise and I can't hear much over it, they might think I'm ignoring things that they're saying? Like if they're right out in the hallway talking about something, it might seem natural to assume that I can hear it.. but I usually can't.

And when I offer food, they usually say like "oh, cool, thanks." but then don't end up eating any.. which confuses me. Like I bake cakes all the time, I've been working on learning to decorate them, so usually after I cut one, I tell them there's cake downstairs if they want some.. and it sounds like they want some, but I don't think they ever actually eat any. I guess it's probably not intruding to just tell somebody "hey, there's cake if you want some." Unless, of course, I'd already done something annoying and not known about it. I just get paranoid.. well, I'm not sure if it's paranoia.. I do have the tendency to do things that tick people off and be totally oblivious to it, so it's not paranoia to be worried about it, right?

They're all very nice, and I'm glad they're nice, but I'm also afraid that if I do something that bothers them, they'll be too nice to tell me, and then like get all bothered that I didn't get the hints or something. They seem to spend more time with each other, and I don't want to be all aloof and ignore them and stuff, but I know that I can't tell when I'm wanted or not, so if I went and talked to them more, I'd probably end up intruding. In the past (with different people) I've gotten in trouble/been disliked for going to both extremes.. I know I just can't balance being-friendly-without-intruding.

I have apologized for being a bad conversationalist, so maybe they understand?

And if it seems like something is wrong, and someone says they're OK, I leave it at that.. I mean, I know a lot of times people say that when things aren't OK, but I'm not going to be able to tell, so I think I just have to take their word on it.

No, it was the other girl that put the pillow in the drier, he wasn't home. Which is why I'm wondering if there's something I didn't know..

The house belongs to my fiance.. He's had it since before his divorce, and with child support and all, he can't pay the mortgage without renting out the other two bedrooms. Since property values kinda suck lately, he can't actually sell the house for as much as he owes on it. We might eventually try to find a smaller, more affordable place anyways.. But for now we're just renting out the rooms as best we can.

The roommates are really nice.. I really can't complain about them, they're not doing anything bad. I'm just getting this weird feeling that I'm doing things wrong, probably just because I always do.

I've also had some bad "therapy" experiences recently (and not so recently, for that matter) that cause me to question everything I do.

No, they probably won't expect you to listen and know stuff from talking in the hall. If they do, which is highly unlikely imo, just say you didn't catch it. As for the food, they might be being polite but have already eaten/don't like cake/can't have something in it.

Don't worry too much, flatmates are awkward for pretty much everybody.

yeah its hard i personally dont want to be an alcoholic but its the only way i can cope with social situations. good luch dude

Lol.. yea.. I used to be that way. Now I just almost never talk in real life... except to apologize for not talking.
(& I'm not a dude, btw.. or d'ya just call everyone dude? )

A lot of times I wish I could at least drink some.. but Kris dosn't want me to and he's probably right. I'm not good at moderating pretty much anything. When I'm cooking, I have to fight the urge to be like "well, if some of that spice is GOOD, then MORE must be BETTER!"

Oh, by that I meant that he probably wouldn't mind having his stuff moved because other people need to use it.

Don't worry too much, it's your and your fiance's flat and they're happy to rent from you. Just show basic respect to them and do your own thing, they'll fit themselves around you.