The trouble with 'keeping' friends.

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The problem for me is not making friends. I mean I'm not like my brother who
makes 5 or 10 life friends every time he goes to school, but I do start a friendship with a couple of people at school or on forums. The problem is that they never stay my friends for long. Usually after several months they kind of get "bored" with me, and everything I say irritates them or drives them away. And then when I ask if I'm boring them or if they're too busy they always get annoyed. Then one day we just stop talking or seeing each other completely.

Now I may not be a Social Butterfly, but I do require people to talk to when I get bored or lonely, and it just frustirates me that I can't keep friends for long. In a way it's caused me to not trust people, because when I do make a "friend", I always know the friendship won't last forever.

I bet a lot of other people feel this way too?

YES SAME HERE! But it's also a bit of a 2-way street, I also get bored with friends too, they don't stimulate me as much as my interests.

I enjoy some social interaction regardless whether I talk to that person much or rarely, just as long as I am able to make some sort of input without looking like an idiot.

Yeah, one of the biggest problems I have with the people I talk to that I'm always
trying to "shock" people with info. I think the reason I do it is to kind of "test" people. If they pass the test I decide they can be my friend, and if they don't I just drop them. However the problem is I often take it overboard.

yeah, my friendships always turn out to be "unstable", eventually they all seem to fray at the edges and fall apart of their own accord.

i guess it's because i'm not very entertaining. i can pull off that kind of charade for maybe a month or so before i run out of material to work with. and they tend to lose interest in me. and so drift away like the superficial beings they are. i found one or two friends however that, while not being aspies or on the spectrum as far as i know, don't like small talk just like me and we get along okay. though the guy's a freaking chick magnet (has beautiful hair and is a musician, go figure) and so the jealousy's there.

My son has the problem of trying to shock people with information, and also he seems to feel the need to brag about things that are actually quite normal and do not require bragging.

However, it is not just an Aspie trait to have trouble making friends. I am very shy when I am out in the world and not hiding behind my computer monitor. I do not like talking to strangers, or having them touch me. (*gasp* how Un-American!) I have found that I have trouble maintaining friendships as well. I get bored with people, or I find that their opinions do not interest me (which does not always mean I do not like that they are disagreeing. I have friends that I like despite their having completely opposite views as mine). Or in the worst (for me) case, they no longer find me useful.

I had some friends before I got married that, while I did not realize it at the time, were only using me for date bait. (to attract guys) Once I was seeing someone they wanted nothing to do with me. I have not tried to make any friends other than in Everquest since then because I was very hurt.

Yeah, and you know what irritates me the most? I understand that when I obsess repeativly that it bothers people, so there are times when I actually try to force myself to talk about something different, or ask the person what they want to talk about. That still doesn't help. -_-

In my experience, NTs don't really seem to mind obsession in others...as long as the obsession has something to do with sports, the pursuit of money, watching TV, and fashion.

Any other passions seem to mark you as offbeat.

I have trouble keeping friends. I can attract people and have them like me to a point, but things go downhill from there.

The people may expect me to handle more than I can deal with, like expecting me to eat in a restaurant or cope with seeing a movie, or travel around rapidly somewhere I don't know well/at all, deal with crowds etc.
They may become over familiar, talking/touching too much, asking personal questions, wanting 'more', or merely being someone I can't seem to handle.
People don't seem to get me and the different challenges I face. This means they won't understand the way I behave, and I may be judged or labeled as being/acting a certain way when it has come about through something I am experiencing.

Also when I'm having a hard time coping I withdraw to deal with what's happening at the time (eg Move, sickness, increase in anxiety, other experience) and when things have settled down I am isolated once more and must start again.

Often these days somebody might want to spend time with me and I with them, but I am discouraged because I still can't seem to manage going places and taking part in interactions. I'm afraid to socialise now.

I can't seem to trust anyone with personal information anymore out of fear it will possibly be used against me.Ever since high school, I have always been like this.

My only problem with keeping friends is the fact that I am too random even though I am really trying to start up a conversation and they never catch on. I go to a point where I shut down completely and give up. I can never find friends with the same interest and a sense of randomness. I also avoid chat rooms where someone starts noticing the way I think or put my sentences is strange. The outside scares me.

My high school experience in a nutshell...or my early high school experience anyway. I know I drove away my first friend from high school as a result but I can see all the places where I went wrong. She must've really regretted befriending me to begin with and think I'm psychotic or friend-obsessive or whatnot because I would always get her a cheese danish for lunch (her fav food) or bring her flowers after she performs in theater productions. Much like you I was always asking her if I was being too annoying. I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I was some sort of lesbian stalker because when I look back on it she started to feel really awkward and uncomfortable in my presence. I even wrote her a note once saying how worried I was that we weren't being closer friends and she gave me her two cents about this saying something but I'm not sure what (yup that would've done it, LOL). I think she was telling me that I needed to try and make more friends which I did but they were all just like her where they were friendly with me to begin with but later couldn't deal with my company. All of this took place BEFORE my Asperger's diagnosis btw. I was successful at making a few good friends who enjoyed my company but they were all in grades lower than me and even those friends I have barely keep in touch with anymore.

As for the first friend I drove off. We went to the same college together and I greet her when I see her and whatnot but I wasn't crazy like I was back in high school. I thought we would remain casual acquantices for good measure but she ended up taking me off her facebook friends list with no explanation or whatnot. I just noticed that she wasn't appearing on my friends list anymore despite the fact that she was still on it.

I used to worry about not being close enough friends with people when I was in school but I feel now in retrospect through quite a lot of rejection that worrying tends to make it worse. People don't really want me to ask them if I'm annoying them as I think it shows a lack of confidence in myself. I'm nowhere near an expert on the subject so I'm sorry if I come across that way but now with the friends I have I tend to give them space and not worry too much about what they think of me.

I find that friendship requires a nexus: family, work or school. When the nexus breaks, the friendship follows, perhaps with a long lag.

I married when I was in grad school and frequently had friends come over for dinner. After a baby and some time, that ended,

Thanks for teaching me a new word, "nexus". I hadn't heard that before, aside from it's usage as a brand of hair salon products.

Nothing like having kids to ensure that you never get a chance to be with friends ever again. Ain't that the truth.

Your welcome. My NT wife, on the other hand, has no problems with friendships, outside of me. She still sees friends from high school and college, which she attended in another country! She has friends she used to work with. She says that my rudeness cost her some friends. Those buggers obviously don't understand autism, nor do they seem able to see us as different people. I'm not like some narcissists who think of their children as perfect extensions of themselves. My children are different people and are imperfect like all people. I love them because they're my children.

Speaking as a mom observing her son, my son has this problem too. The reason he has a hard time "keeping" the friend is usually he expects too much from them (i.e. wants them to LOVE everything about him or his interests), forgets to interact by appreciating their qualities and letting them know he appreciates them, or he gets too in your face or clingy. When he finds someone that finds him intriguing because of his eccentricities, he begins to "need" them too much, resulting in smothering. Being valued is terribly important to everyone, even the person who has valued him first. We work on reminding himself to ask people questions about themselves and listening with intent and interest. He is getting better a little bit each interaction and I know he will master it, even if it doesn't come naturally. Remember that not everyone is great at everything. Social skills is a fault for a lot of people, not just AS. The key is valuing the other person's time and interests just as much as you want them to value yours. An analogy... some people are natural born athletes and others have to work at it. THe difference is that they non-natural CAN surpass the natural if they are committed to practicing and mastering the skill rather than the talent. You can teach yourself how to interact with regular practice and eventually you won't have to think of it at all. Just remember in each interaction, "Have I listened to and appreciated anything about them? Am I happy for their talents or am I trying to prove my own more?" Be proud without being competative. I hope this helps. I know how frustrating it can be.