So I went out for a beer with old friends last night...

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... with three of my buddies from elementary and middle school days, whom I had not seen in at least 10 years. I looked forward to it, because I was actually sort-of-sometimes-ok-good-friends with them. I haven't gone out with friends in about 6 years, and I think I actually missed it.

Back in the day, these guys were like me: outcasts from the "in-crowd", somewhat intelligent, had quirky interests, etc. But generally good-natured.

I get to the bar last night, meet up with them. We have a drink, things are fine. Of course, I'm in sensory-overload-anxiety-panic-mode... but I'm hanging in there, and the alcohol helps. Then it all starts to go downhill. By the second drink, these guys are getting loud, cursing up a storm, talking in a really graphic way about all the things they've ever done to women, and all the crazy s**t that they did/destroyed/regretted when they were drunk. And this kind of talk just didn't stop.

I would try and talk about something interesting, or creative, or... you know, thoughtful. They actually looked away from me! They didn't pay attention to the things I said, and seemed like they couldn't care less.

This went on for a couple of hours, and I kept trying to figure out a way to leave. I didn't want to be rude, considering this was supposed to be some kind of cool reunion thing. But all it did was make me a wreck of anxiety and completely uncomfortable. Eventually, I paid my tab and said I had to go. They gave me strange looks of confusion as I got away from that place as quickly as I could.

Today I just reflected on how utterly ironically terrible this all was.
I actually got out of the house and attempted to be social with my peers!!
And it was profoundly disturbing!!

It was the change in them that I witnessed which really got to me. The conventions of socialization were hard enough. But to then see these nice guys that I knew having become stupid, drunk, misogynistic, violent as*holes... That was way too much. I feel betrayed in a way. Makes me not want to be around people even more now....

Sorry for the rant!
Can anyone relate to this?
Any advice or comments would be great!
I just feel kind of depressed after this whole thing.

Hi,

I just wanted to respond to your post because I find it interesting. I consider myself NT even though I have a lot of AS tendencies and my son has AS. I can relate a lot to the social awkwardness of AS but the social anxiety dx fits me better. I just want you to know that I can DEFINITELY relate to what you are going through. When my boyfriend drinks, he gets loud, obnoxious, and ignorant. I CAN'T stand it when he drinks. It makes me sick to my stomach and I just want him to SHUT THE HELL UP. The reason why you probably feel so depressed and betrayed by all this is probably because you realize how fake NT's can be. If all it takes is alcohol or drugs to turn you into someone you aren't then you were never a strong minded person to begin with. Either that or you were hiding being a jerk really well when you were sober and now the real you comes out. Either way, you seen a side of humans that were ugly and that's probably what made you depressed. I feel the same way and I can relate. People should act relatively the same way drunk or sober, if they don't it just shows how fake they were to begin with.

Advice? Wrong venue. Don't meet old buddies at an alcohol serving establishment and expect anything else. When those around you are well into their cups and you do not imbibe nearly as much, their repugnant baser natures will surface and naught will be talked about except for your aforementioned "crazy sh-asterisk-asterisk". And that kind of talk will not stop.

If you want to try again, be the organinzer this time and meet at a coffee shop. Otherwise, meet anywhere during the DAY on a weekend. Most people don't drink during the daytime (most people).

Thanks you all, but the point was not about alcohol.
I'm sorry if I made that unclear.
My concerns here were of the feelings of betrayal and abandonment by old friends who demonstrated completely different personalities
Even the effects of alcohol could not be responsible for the total shift in character that I witnessed. I mean, the first drink was not even over and they were raging as*holes.
The point here concerned the changing nature of friendship.

Right now, I'm pretty much just going to ignore them. They showed me that it wouldn't be worth pursuing friendship any further.

It's important to realize that people do change. After all, you said in the first post that you hadn't seen them since elementary/middle school? An awful lot can happen to a person between then and now.

Yes, you're right, and I realize that.
10+ years is a lot of time, and people can change an awful lot.

I suppose I'm simply expressing the shock of seeing guys who've changed so completely, as to hardly resemble the people I knew. Fundamental qualities of character having changed. I mean, I still feel that I have a core set of traits and beliefs that have not changed... That I'm still "ME" inside. My sense of that "self" in these guys was grossly distorted to the point that I thought it wasn't them.

Good thing I don't care too much to have friends right now
Perhaps down the road I can find some better people.

And this is why you'll always remain a socially awkward sperger. Also, what's so bad about some guys getting together after a long time and while drinking reminiscing about all the hot pieces of ass they got? If you were social outcasts in the past, this goes doubly so, dudes probably just wanted to to show each other that they actually matured and became less socially awkward. And guess what, you were the only one left behind

Oh! Now I get it. I call this "memory shock". The better your memory is, the more often and harder it hits you. Sometimes it can trigger a strong emotional response. I'm sure you recall the images and "mental videos" of these guys with amazing clarity. The new recordings of them are a complete shock and you are probably feeling a sense of sadness and even loss!

Yeah, I get you man. Absolutely.

-- Vip

Somebody please ban this troll.

Yeah I know getting some real answers is hard and mean. Sure, ban me, keep this place sterilized and clean of all that pesky real world so you can all hug each other and together wonder what's wrong with your behavior

This is a support site, Harsh_Truth - perhaps you would find the PPR forum more to your liking, but denigrating other members isn't acceptable behavior here, no matter the location. If you must, attack the idea not the person.


M.

Isn't there already a user called RealTalk? Why do you need two usernames?

They are 27 years old (more or less). Sorry, but that's a bit old to be behaving like gits the way Acacia described. I've known plenty of people like those guys, and that kind of behavior isn't a sign of social maturity. It's insecurity, plain and simple. If I had been in Acacia's shoes, I would have been looking forward to some interesting, intelligent conversation as well. "Harsh_Truth", I fail to see how that shows that "they actually matured and became less socially awkward."

Acacia, I doubt if your AS even had much impact on this situation. It sounds like you've matured, and become an interesting, intelligent person, and they're still bumping chests and seeing who has the biggest genitals. It's a shame it turned out that way, but it's no reflection on you.

We grow up and go our own ways. Its a good thing.

It hurts when we see our once friends change into people we can no longer recognize or relate too but whats important is that we our going our own way too.

I ran into a bunch of old friends a couple of years back and we went out for drinks and it was an awful experience. I realized that not only did I have nothing in common with them anymore I may never have had anything in common with them other than circumstance.

It can be disillusioning to say the least.

Back in University a couple of friends went their own ways and I felt left behind for a while. A couple of other friends would hang out with me even though we had nothing in common and it was insulting and patronizing. Now I look back at it and truly respect my friends who had the balls to go off on their own. They didn't abandon me but were encouraging me to find my own way.

Being an Aspie it can be difficult making and keeping friends but no matter how hard it is, we must.

This is perfectly normal. In high school, only the in-crowd has this party-type fun, but at some point most other people try it too. Find even the most nerdy group of RPG players, & you'd be surprised how many drunken night or raunchy sex stories they have among them. These guys haven't changed, they've just branched out some. If you haven't done similar, maybe you're feeling left out. Don't hate or blame them for that.

I guess they grew out of being 'good-natured'.

I thought we were the ones who were supposed to have 'immature interests' <grin>. It's like 'adult' entertainment.

As people grow into themselves they seem to change, even if they were always really that way, and these guys may have been trying to impress each other with how much they've gotten over what they thought were their short-comings. In a few years they have may be more introspective and mature.