Trust

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Why cant I trust anyone?

Ive always had problems making and retaining friendships.

There are three crucial stages which have not helped in my non-trust of people.

1.There were many occasions in my childhood where so-called friendships turned sour, with the other party 'turning their back' on me.

2.When I was not being dumped by neighbors' kids, my trustfulness was being abused by those who only wanted to exploit me for the stuff I had.

3.High school was also a nightmare, ultimately culminating in full class bullying for two years.

Add these RL situations to my lack of social rules/understanding (aspergers) and there is a toxic, antisocial way of thinking going on.

Whether you have had a positive, sociable childhood or not, I would be interested to hear from others how they work around any trust issues they have/have had.

I'd like to know too, my life has been mostly dealing with abusive people, including my family.

You too? Besides my family, I cannot seem to trust anyone! Well, at least we're not alone.

Other than my husband, I've never really been able to really trust anyone, so the two of us have set ourselves up in a protective, happy little bubble. However, when I leave that bubble my ability to trust fades away due to all the family drama and bullying I had from the last year of elementary school to the first year of high school.

In my case, I put the blame on the lack of trust I feel on my family; head game playing vipers addicted to drama. Additionally, when you come from a dysfunctional family, I think it makes it even easier for other kids to metaphorically "smell" that you are different and that your parents disapprove of you.

After all, (as the party line goes) parents are SUPPOSED to love their children and accept them for who they are. If yours don't something clearly MUST be wrong with you. You must be defective or wrong in some way, someone who DESERVES negative attention.

So you end up being singled out, like the funny looking chicken with a funny black spot on his head which simply calls out for all the other chickens to peck him to death.

Since my bullies (and both people who raised me) were all female, I find it extremely difficult to make and keep female friends.

Happens to me a lot.

I've not long since got rid of a flatmate (who still harasses me) who basically gave me orders for most of a year, tried to run my life, spread nasty rumours about me behind my back, stole from me, talked down to me and gave hour-long lectures about simple things, and generally made my life absolute hell. That was a situation that needed a lot of trust to go into, and she totally abused it straight off.

And when I was at university, people wanted to be around me - but only when there was work to be done. Since I graduated, nobody has stayed in touch. There was never a real social side to it beyond working lunches. The night before the very last exam, I had to unplug the phone to get any sleep - it was a pre-seen paper, which we'd had for five weeks (and the answers were all interpretative), and I kept getting calls - what time is the exam, where's the exam, and what's the answer?

I hate that. I really do. Sometimes people just suck.

How do I deal with my trust issues? I don't trust.

Well, what I do, without really distrusting anyone with everything straight away, I try not to think about stuff like "trust" as long as they can't hurt me with anything, and don't know that much about me. Like... you could distrust people you only see once a week, but why would you? What would they be able to do to you?

I kind of keep it in the back of my mind that I have to watch out, but I try not to get TOO paranoid.

I take chances in trusting people I know such as my family and husband but I don't trust others. I easily get skeptical if people say one thing then do another or change their story or they aren't making any sense. That's why I always question people and I get more skeptical of them when they don't answer me or give me any explanations because it leads me to believe they're lying. I question my own family and husband too when I get skeptical. Like my husband has said he doesn't mind the heat because he grew up without AC but then he claims he has troubles sleeping in it. Geez I thought he said heat doesn't bother him so I called BS on that and my mother had to explain to me it's different when it comes to sleeping and I was like, why didn't he say so when he told me. My husband said the same thing she said when I questioned him about it and I told him why didn't he say so because I thought he lied.

There have been people online I am skeptical about I talk to because they don't make any sense, their stories don't seem to match and I question them about it. I have one friend on here I am sort of skeptical about because he doesn't always make sense and he won't explain to me how a job coach won't help him work and it makes me think he doesn't want to work period but yet says he wants to and he can't think up a story to tell me why a job coach won't help him. I wish he be more honest with me. I am still talking to him and I haven't jumped to a conclusion yet he has lied to me.


So I have learned to be less trusting over the years and I keep my heads up for liars and try and pay attention to things they say about themselves to catch them and before I assume they're lying, I question them first because there might be a logical explination or maybe they forgot or don't remember something very well so their story may be a tad different.

Concerning Trust:

Having cast my pearls before swine too many times in the past and having gotten poor results, I stopped doing that.

Being poor at how to read trustworthy character traits instead of projecting, I just have to go on the assumption that most are not trustworthy until proven otherwise - cynical but self-protective, and pleasantly surprised when a person worthy of trust actually appears in my life. This might gall to no end those few who are trustworthy I put to the test, and while I might have lost a couple of potential friends over it, it is better for me than the alternative.

I wish I could say that the few trustworthy people I do know make up for the legions who aren't, but that would be a lie.

I can't trust anyone either except for 1 friend I even him I don't really trust.
Even if I want to I just can't..

I've been too trusting my whole life. I've been gradually learning not to trust people. Now, I'm learning not to trust people to keep their promises without prodding. Long ago, I learned to distinguish insincere promises and discount them. Now, the sincere promises are troubling. At work, the most innocuous explanation is that other matters interfered. Outside work, who knows? I somehow end up not being on email lists after asking to join when the keeper doesn't really know me or many others.

Of course, the explanation is my ASD: I keep my promises and don't deceive. I, therefore, assume that others are ethical like me. But, clearly, many NTs are unethical, while others unintetionally lose track of their obligations.