If someone needs a swift kick, are they a friend?
You know what I mean by swift kick: someone who needs to be confronted or "punished" with silence, or what not, before they stop doing the offending behavior? I realize I've had to do that multiple times with this one person before they stopped using me. Yes, believe it or not, he actually back-slided a few times before he got the picture, that I won't put up with this. In fact, I've had to do it with other friends too, for other things.
On that note, do aspies attract bad friends? Or are they even friends to begin with?
I hope if you go through the same thing, know that you're not alone in this. Peace.
just because someone has bad habits, doesn't make them bad people. it might help if you address to them their problem directly and discuss why they feel the need to be that way or if they're even aware of it. or why they feel it justifiable to themselves. alot of our problems are easily solvable with communication and an open mind combo.
if they don't want to communicate it or acknowledge it then they're contributing to their own problem and it will eventually come back to bite them in their arse. hard.
on the other hand it could also be said that maybe they're not being all that offensive and maybe you're just being a little oversensitive and defensive. which isn't exactly a rarity among us aspies. what exactly have they been doing that you find offensive? let's try to get a little clarity and better understand which is the case.
in the first case, maybe if they run into enough people like you they'll learn to change a little. or at least be a bit more considerate. win for you, and for the society at large who won't have to deal with his offensive behavior so much anymore.
where on the other hand if he's left as is, you're just passing the buck onto whoever else he decides to associate with after you. so sticking through might prove altogether beneficial.
on the other hand if it's you, you might want to re-evaluate.
and if he doesn't show any sign of wanting to improve then there's simply nothing further you can do and kicking them to the curb might be best.
hope i helped in some way
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+Blog: http://itsdeeperthanyouknow.blogspot.com/
+"Beneath all chaos lies perfect order"
What about someone who promises to "never disappear without a reason", but eventually, for no reason, they block you from IM and ignore your IMs. The only way you were able to get their attention was to give another friend their e-mail address. And when they finally do reply, they are angry because you tried to contact them, rather than telling you what's going on?
In other words, they treat you as if you were some sort of creepy stalker, rather than a concerned friend.
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Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!
In other words, they treat you as if you were some sort of creepy stalker, rather than a concerned friend.
I do that when I'm depressed, usually because I don't feel worthy of a person's attention or have just melted down to the extent that I can't communicate with people at that time. I don't intend it to be a personal slight on the people involved, but can totally see why they take it that way (and it's a self fulfilling thing, people who weren't offended with me become offended with me when I stop communicating with them and I end up feeling bad that I've let them down, which in turn makes it harder to return to communicating with them). I've lost count of how many friendships/relationships in my life have ended this way.
if they don't want to communicate it or acknowledge it then they're contributing to their own problem and it will eventually come back to bite them in their arse. hard.
on the other hand it could also be said that maybe they're not being all that offensive and maybe you're just being a little oversensitive and defensive. which isn't exactly a rarity among us aspies. what exactly have they been doing that you find offensive? let's try to get a little clarity and better understand which is the case.
in the first case, maybe if they run into enough people like you they'll learn to change a little. or at least be a bit more considerate. win for you, and for the society at large who won't have to deal with his offensive behavior so much anymore.
where on the other hand if he's left as is, you're just passing the buck onto whoever else he decides to associate with after you. so sticking through might prove altogether beneficial.
on the other hand if it's you, you might want to re-evaluate.
and if he doesn't show any sign of wanting to improve then there's simply nothing further you can do and kicking them to the curb might be best.
hope i helped in some way
Thanks for the reply. I've considered all these possibilities at one time or another. I think it's mostly them since in most of the cases, other people feel the same way that I do. I don't know why I get along with such difficult people. I also admit I get too sensitive at times, and even worse, I think of things later that magnify the resentment. Thing is, they show signs of wanting to improve, but..... simply never can remember to. They don't seem to think they're doing anything wrong. Or it's denial. Or a combination of both.
Some of the offenses include arguing incessantly, mild insults, using me for rides or a credit card (I always ask if the guy has money when he calls me so he can't get me in a situation where I'd have to pay.) Of course, this isn't all from the same person, several people over time have done this.
What I'm wondering is, if they need to be disciplined like that before they respect you, or stop taking advantage of your kindness, are they really a friend?
like i'm not going to feel totally betrayed if someone tells me a harmless white lie for example. or on the other side of the spectrum there are lies told for the benefit of others. where telling the truth would honestly not help anyone, and would most certainly be catastrophic to the receiver. doesn't hold true for that always. but let's say someone's on the brink feeling all suicidal, you're most certainly not going to tell them any truths that'd send them over the edge. and some truths can just be generally too cruel. gotta use some tacttt.
_________________
+Blog: http://itsdeeperthanyouknow.blogspot.com/
+"Beneath all chaos lies perfect order"
Perhaps, but I find no matter how much the truth hurts in the here and now, I've ALWAYS been more hurt to discover later that I was lied to...no matter what the justification was.
Katie_WPG
Velociraptor
Joined: 7 Sep 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 492
Location: Winnipeg, MB, Canada
While I have a few friends whose actions sometimes make me shake my head, I typically don't feel the need to break off contact with them. I've never actually ended a friendship, just spoke to them when the behaviour got out of hand and then made a point not to put myself in a similar position with them again.
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