So then what is trying?

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If I get told one more time that I don't try to socialize I'm going to SCREAM!

I used to go to concerts, go to parties, go over to "friends" houses, call, all that social crap. I wasn't very good at it but I was trying. Over the last year I've all but given up. I finally faced up to something I had been trying to ignore for a long time. No one ever called me or invited me over (I'd only get invited anywhere when someone was inviting my boyfriend and would tag me on to be polite), no one messaged and no one ever visited. It made me start to think. I can't ever remember someone calling unless it was to return a call I made, the only time someone would come over was to pick up something or visit someone else in the house, only messages I got were replies.

Apparently my boyfriend had recently gotten feed up with how bad this was effecting me because he went off on a few of my old friends while we were at their house dropping off their kid (which I watched even though they can't actually ask me themselves, but go through him to do), and got this for a reply. She doesn't try to socialize at all. I lost my temper, snapped at them maybe I was sick of being the only one in the friendship to try and stormed out.

So my question is, why am I the one who never tried? These people say they are my friends, but avoid me at every opportunity. It's hard enough to go places, make calls, or even write a freaking e-mail (never fails I nearly panic each time, but once conversation is going I'm okay). But going over 3 years without getting a call or visit or even a message on facebook or myspace without initiating the action first has made it unbearable to do. Everytime I think of reaching out again all that crowds in and all I want to do is curl up and cry.

It's not just friends, it's my family too. They invite me over but its always "Can you bring your son over for a bit? We want to see him. You can just drop him off if you like." and if I stay for any amount of time it's very clear they are uncomfortable that I'm there. They often hint that I'm probably very busy or would like a break and keep offering that I can just leave the kid with them and go home. For the longest time if I brought it up to my boyfriend he would try and convince me they were just trying to give me a break, but over the last couple months seemed to be catching on to the hints too. I'm conflicted on whether to stop taking him for visits to their houses too because they treat him kind of like a show dog (oh look what he can do, oh look what he can say - I can tell it irritates him to no end, he hates being talked to like that unless its the first couple times he does something. Then he's like can we please move on already), and I worry about how they will be when his novelty wears off like it did for me and my brothers; but that's another matter.

I know what you mean. I've had "friends" before. I would always call and see if they wanted to hang out ("busy"), or send e-mails to see how they were doing, even drop by their workplace just to say "hi." I then realized that I was the one making all the effort. The only time I ever heard from them was when they'd respond to an e-mail I sent; they never returned or initiated phone calls. So I did a little social experiment. I decided to give up contacting them and see how long it took before any of them contacted me. 6 months went by and no contact. This was several years ago and guess what? Still no contact! I've had "friends" since then who couldn't be bothered to let me know they were going to do something only to ask me why I didn't join them.

There've been many other ways they've let me down, but this will be a very long post if I do that.

I've pretty much given up. I have one friend I've known for 8 years, and she's always been there for me. She initiates contact, invites me over, etc. As bad as this might sound, she's proven herself to me as a friend time and time again. Everybody else failed miserably.

I wish I could answer your question. If you ever find an answer, let me know.

I'm sorry. This hasn't been very helpful.

Sympathy counts as helpful