Avoiding my friends

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I'm friends with five girls, and the size of the group is ten to fifteen people, depending on the day. Originally I didn't mind it too much because I felt a part of the group, even with the people that I am not friends with. But since this last school year, I've been finding myself avoiding them though for many reasons. I find that I am only tolerated by some of the group because I'm not outgoing like them and they don't really get me. They don't understand why I don't laugh during their jokes, which never make sense to me. They're really LOUD too, and I've been more sensitive lately to sounds. But the five friends I have I really like though, and I do want to hang out with them even though I have to deal with the group. I know I won't hang out with some of the five friends otherwises - we don't share classes and they don't ever just hang out alone.
I do have other friends that I can hang out with, but I miss these friends a lot.
I don't know what I want from you guys, maybe just to listen or give some advice if you can.

Hello ebec11

No advice but I can sadly relate to what you say.

I completely know what you mean. I had a couple of good friends who are very involved in this large group. I loved my friends and tried to fit into the group for them as much as possible, but the others can't stand me. They hate how quiet I am especially at parties (the things practically give me a panick attack), and pointed out a lot. My friends never would come to visit me, so my only option was to go see them and others from the group were always around. It always just felt so awkward and tense I stopped showing up and no one seemed to care.

I don't really have any advice other than I'm not sure which was worse, being disliked by the others in the group or being alone, cause both really suck.

I have a hard time with the parties too, especially if it's in one of my friend's basement, which isn't small but it seems like it is with 10-15 people in it. The other basement isn't so bad, and there isn't as many bright lights on there, so I usually only go to those parties if I go at all. They have parties every month, I don't understand it. Most of them aren't even birthday parties, it's strange.
I can deal with being in the group sometimes, but my friends are desiring to see me more, and I can't do that because I'm not having fun being there and I get so overwhelmed some days if I'm with them.

I'm not going to any more parties - I found out that there was weed at the party and I refuse to go to any more parties unless those people are not there (which they always are)

Difficult situation you're in, and more common for female Aspies than male Aspies, from what I've seen on WP.

Your real friends should understand your situation and preferences. The others in the group may not, but that probably isn't important, unless they exercise control over your real friends in some way.

Can you find some activity or event that you and your friends want to do, something you're comfortable with and they'll enjoy?

Hey there.

My only two ideas that I can think of are either

a) Ignore the others. Let them not like you - it's not like they'll have control over you, and if they're not going to treat you nicely, then ignore them. Don't let some bad people ruin the amount of fun you can have with your good friends, especially if you stick with them more.

b) Explain the situation to your better friends. If you haven't already, I doubt they even know about the problem. If they do, it's probably either from a biased point of view or very un-indepth. Letting them know you feel uncomfortable with the others might make them try to find some way to make you more inside the group.

Okay, I listened.

The only way i can successfully have friends is one at a time. Groups are way too noisy for me as i am way over sensitive to loudness (and random sounds). My conversations with the few friends I have to be honest and deep or i just lose interest. These problems mean i am alone a lot of the time. But i do make an "at depth" contact with a friend it is great and helps carry me through the alone times.
I still am alone a lot.
I draw, paint and play music to keep myself busy so i don't think "too much".
It's still really lonely sometimes.