Repetition and ignoring others in conversation- Help!!

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My brother, age 63, has had asperger's since childhood. As he ages we have noticed that he has become more OC and repeats the same stories over and over. Also, he seems to be programmed in his brain about what he will talk about. In any discussion, he can hardly wait until someone else is finished speaking to talk about what he wants to talk about- he ignores what the other person is saying and often changes the subject abruptly and rudely, which is upsetting to the other person.
We have noticed that he tells the same stories, often every day- prefacing it with " Did I ever tell you about ----" then we hear it AGAIN!! ! We are getting so tired of these one sided conversations. What should we do- should we confront him and tell him that he is repeating AD NAUSEUM, or should we politely ignore the fact that he has told us over and over and over the same story, and pretend to be interested?
Is there any hope for someone his age to change? Should we suggest some kind of therapy? He thinks he is having wonderful discussions with us,but we are miserable, and wonder if there is a solution? Thank you for any responses!!

Do you suppose it might be possible that he's experiencing early-onset Alzheimer's Disease? AS should not in itself cause deterioration of memory. But repeating the same anecdotes over and over can be a sign of early stages of dementia.

I knew a man not long ago who had Alzheimer's and OCD and he would repeat the same things over and over until it would drive you batty. Same remarks, same stories, personal worries about the same obsessions...otherwise, you wouldn't have noticed there was anything wrong with him. Except of course, he lived on an Alzheimer's ward.

He recently had a physical exam and the doctor said he did not have Alzheimer's, and had a mild case of Aspergers. All his life he has had poor social skills and has been very self centered. (So this is nothing new, it just appears to be getting more pronounced all the time). Also, the OCD seems to be getting more and more pronounced- he constantly wants to talk about the weather, and he is extremely regimented in his behavior- does everything exactly the same every day and gets upset if anything is changed. He is a very intelligent person, and has had a successful career, but has had an extremely poor relationship with his wife and son- very cold and unfeeling always with them.
So you think we should address the conversation issues directly with him? I have a feeling he will be very surprised, possibly hurt or insulted. You are right- trying to be polite and change the conversation back does not work- he just doesn't get it at all.

I've seen this case with Low-Functioning Aspies a few times. Most NTs choose to suffer in silence because they don't want to be mean to the "special" person, but then the "special" people will post in the haven complaining that NTs are never honest with them.
You're going to have to throw your social conventions aside for two minutes and just explain to him what he's doing is wrong. Yes, it's uncomfortable, but aspies are forced to be uncomfortable a LOT more of the time.
Just tell him.

The repetition thing sounds SO like me. If something happens that I want to talk about, I'll try to remember to only tell each of my friends/relatives once, but sometimes I forget who I've already told, so I tell it twice, and then I get accused of being repetitive.

Wel, it happened last night. My husband, who is a kind and tolerant guy finally had had it with my brother. After days of trying to converse and visit with my brother, he became tired of trying. Everytime they would talk, my brother would ask some inane question, hubby would try to answer, but brother obviously never listened to a word hubby said. Brother was in his own little world, and could not wait to start talking about something HE was interested in. Also, one time they were talking about music and my husband made a comment which my brother completely ignored. About 30 seconds later my brother said- Oh, and have you noticed-- and said the exact same thing my husband had just said.
When someone else is talking, Brother just sits and nods his head, and it is obvious that he hears absolutely nothing they are saying- his eyes wander around the room and he then starts talking about something else.
My husband exploded after my brother left and said he is sick of being treated rudely and inconsiderately and he is sick of trying to be nice to my brother. So we had a big blowout- of course, Brother is totally oblivious to all this.
Of course talking to our mother, who is elderly, is no help- she just says" well it is not his fault, it is because he has Aspergers and it is all the fault of the Aspergers'.
Are there any good therapists in eastern Washington who could help us? My husband has gone out to his shop and probably will never come in the house again when my brother is here. What do other people do when the aspie totally ignores them when he has started the conversation? I feel like grabbing him and shaking him and yelling "why don't you LISTEN!! !" He expects us to listen to his every word, but NEVER reciprocates.

I would advise checking with more than one doctor. Its still a possibility. I wouldn't be quick on dismissing anything.

Another thing to look at is Repetition Compulsion and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD could be main cause of it. There are also other things linked around this area as well.

Sounds like my father. Its becoming a more frequent phenomenon as he ages. I've tried pattern matching the behaviour and then, when he points out the behaviour in me, use a standard line explaining what I am doing, how I'm doing it and why and then putting the conversation with him.

Since then he's pattern matched back and when I point out that he's being repetitive and/or talking ad naseum he notices, repeats back to me what I had told him when he caught my behaviour and then he puts the conversation back towards me.

Its difficult but so far its working.

My twin brother is 19 and he does pretty much the same thing he sort of lectures everyone and wont let anyone get a word in he doesn't have much trouble making friends though because of how charismatic he is. I am much better when it comes to communicating servers in restaurants, my brothers friends(I tend to socialize with his friends because I am to shy to go out and meet new people) and even complete strangers often tell me how polite and respectful I am. I can easily have a conversation as long as I know what the topic is and the people who are having it.

My advice to you would be if it is his Autism and not a disorder like Alzheimers try to put out subtle hints. My brother gets really irritated and feels like you hate him if you call him out directly but when I say something subtle or instead of saying it about him say someone I know. I have no idea if it will work for others but it works for my brother he is able to understand without feeling like he is being judged.

This is my first visit to WP and this thread defines my Dad and 2 siblings. They have a compulsive need to take over conversation, including repetitive stories. I have had much difficulty in social situations myself and realize that I have bullied my way into conversations to try to fit in or just satisfy my need to try interacting 'normally'.

I covered it all up for years w/ addictions but now that my Dad has passed away I see some hope to manage my own life and a mess of a professional career. I do not know why I am terrified of polite social interaction but it has always been that way in my life.

My first 20 years were spent in a corner, then I self medicated and made great strides professionally (not socially) for 20 years. Now I am 53 and feel like I am 12 again hiding from all of the difficulty and confusion that I cannot manage.

Thanks for listening

I will throw my two cents in here. Or three cents.
First of all it may appear that he is not listening when he is listening. I used to get asked all the time if I was paying attention or people said I was totally tuned out, when in fact I wasn't (I'm not saying I didn't tune them out sometimes but this was when I was actually paying attention). The reaction is usually judged as rude as you described how your husband thought he was acting. I had to learn to respond with the little social ticks that make people think you are listening to them and I have to do them consciously most of the time (it's gotten better with practice). The issue didn't really even dawn on me until I was in college though. I do the nod of head and "uh huh" to try to signal to the other person that I am listening because I have come to realize they expect this, but I have to insert it so it may not come off well. As for looking around the room, I find it much easier to concentrate on what somebody is saying if I am looking at another object instead of watching them, though I can and do override this to appear more "normal". But if I am overriding it and looking at the person and on top of that varying my expression and making noises and nodding as opposed to staring at them fixedly then I can't concentrate as well. So I think one thing that your husband needs to understand is that he is not intentionally being rude or even necessarily not listening. For me all of these behaviors have to be learned and they take a lot of energy to keep going.

Second issue with the repeating. What your brother is doing sound excessive in the description but I know I have been guilty of repeating and jumping in on the conversation when it's not correct. I frequently realize I am doing it after the fact or when it is too late, but who knows how many more times I've been unaware. I will tell the same anecdote and then halfway through realize that I've told it before and then I feel embarrassed. Or (this is a constant struggle) the other person talks about something and in order to have something to say in response, I say something related about myself. But as it comes off it sounds like I am keeping turning the conversation to myself all the time, when that is not really the intent, I'm just trying to relate to them in some way. I will also repeat the same sort of thing over and over in an attempt to get my point across. I don't usually realize I am repeating myself until several go rounds have passed. I have had a number of people eventually respond to my repetition with making chicken noises and moving their hand like talking (how this is a universal gesture I don't know, but a lot of people have done it to me) indicating I am babbling. Then I am ashamed and I usually stop. I do the repetitive thing a lot more when I am in a good mood or passionate about the topic.

So to sum up it may be that these things are related to Aspergers. It may be that he is aware of them, or maybe he is not aware of them. The only way to find out is to ask him. I am aware of the issues by now (but all of these things were new news once) but I find it somewhat embarrassing when people call me on them when I am doing them. What I would suggest would be to mention it to him gently at a time when he is not doing it. He may be aware of it because someone has mentioned it before, or he may be completely taken aback. If he wants you to help him adjust this behavior by indicating when he is doing it, (example, you say in a kind way, "you're starting to repeat yourself, I think I got it now") he will probably say so. If he's never heard someone mention this problem before it may take some time to digest. Another way to head off the repeated stories is when he starts an anecdote you can jump right in with, "oh yeah, this is the time you... right?" in a way that you join in the story and he knows he's told it before. This is much less embarrassing than getting to the end of the story and realizing you already told it and everybody is all uncomfortable.

Yeah, someone can not look like they are listening, not respond, and then go on to a different topic, but still have listened.

The thing is, you can't make judgement's about what's going on in an aspie's head. We don't think like most people.

And I do understand how frustrating that can be. I've a friend who actually seems to be a lot like me. Functional, has friends, but definite AS spectrum traits too. I don't understand how he thinks, and his responses or lack of responses and such. And, so, since I don't understand him, I keep without thinking about it judging him like he's an NT. Which always leaves me mixed up and puzzled, because the picture doesn't fit together into anything sensible, as far as how I fit into his life, what I mean to him. The key, I'm learning, is to realize he's different, and that the signals from him don't mean the same thing as they would from most people. A lack of reply may just mean he had nothing more to say. It doesn't mean a lack of interest or a lack of listening.

He also has a definite and distinct lack of ability to see and be considerate of my perspective. Like it's just not, most of the time, part of his mental world, I think. And it is frustrating, because things I would expect a friend to pick up on and be considerate of, he doesn't. It's not a lack of caring, I believe. It's a lack of realizing there's something to be caring about.

A lack of social and emotional reciprocity (wording borrowed from the Asperger's diagnostic criteria), I'm learning, is something I need to learn to expect, if I'm going to be friends with him.