You're so quiet...

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I swear if I have to hear this non-question question again I'm going to show the speaker just how *not* quiet I can be.

Somebody approached me again today and said this (at work). It wasn't a question, mind you, but she still got annoyed when I didn't respond. I simply said "I don't talk much" and walked faster.

It is almost rude, I think to say such a thing. What do these people expect in response? "Well, I have Asperger's Syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder characterized by..."

ugh

No-one who says that is trying to be rude. They may be trying to be friendly, but they don't know what to say to you. Or they may want to tell you something, and want to know if it is a good time.
Often when someone is very quiet it can seem like they might be upset or annoyed. It is kind to say something to them and give them a chance to say what is on their mind.

When someone says "you are very quiet" to you you can be friendly back. Some good words to use are, "people often tell me that. I hope you did not think I was ignoring you."

The person might respond then by just saying something like "oh no, I didn't think that. See you tomorrow."

Or they might then ask if you have ten minutes to talk through some problem on a project.

Hope this helps.

Something interesting, I was reading about language pragmatics in the field of linguistics, and apparently that is a question. The reading said people use context to understand beyond usual semantics. It's just more polite to say "You're very quiet?" than "Why are you very quiet?" Similar is someone saying, "The radio is loud" instead of "Will you please turn down the radio", or the latter instead of "Turn down the radio." But then looking at what I read on language pragmatics, "You're quiet" could also be a command instead of a question, depending on the context used. From what I read, her being indirect was more of a way of trying to not step on your toes.

Likewise, earlier at a place I was working a woman would always give me girly waves. Then one day she was doing something. I said to her, "You shouldn't do that because it could hurt your teeth," without any intentions on flirting. She then smiled, leaned over and said, "So... Why are you interested in my teeth." She probably did that because rejection is less awkward than if she were to be direct in what her intentions were.

Agreed. They're just trying to draw you out a little and get to know something about you. It may be only a friendly gesture, or it might be that they actually like you and want to strike a spark.

AuntyCC is absolutely right. "I get that a lot" is a good way to handle it, or "I'm not much of a conversationalist."

If you're like me, they really don't know what kind of fire they're playing with. If they ask the right question, I might not shut up for hours.

I used to answer "Yes, I am". And that was that. I guess I still do it, but now I smile and make it into a little joke, so it isn't as off-putting.

Most NTs can't stand silence... no, it's not that.. can't stand not interacting when they are with someone who isn't a stranger.

I usually seem (and am) preoccupied, and people understand that I have 'something on my mind'. haha. If they only knew <grin>.

I don't even know who this person was. She just came up to me as I was walking in the hallway and said this.

I have tried every variation of "Yes, I am" that I can think of and they never ask anything further than that so I assumed it wasn't the expected response. Adding the "why" to the beginning would make a huge difference, I think. I would be able to think of a response. I don't know what to say to it as a statement, though. And to make that the very first words you ever speak to a person? That just seems so odd... It is very offputting. It almost feels like an accusation to me, like they are saying "you're not quite right...".

Most of the NTs know that phrase is a friendly invitation to you to jump into a conversation. We take it literally and get annoyed.
Do we have somewhere here an interpretive phrase dictionary to tell us what the NTs usually mean by a phrase?

But how do you build a conversation from that? "Yes, I am quiet..." and then nothing in response. I dunno what to do with that.

Another AS irony. When Aspies are quiet, they are "so quiet" or "very, very quiet", but when Aspies start to talk about their special interest, they are anything but quiet.

I get the "you're so quiet" comment frequently, and usually just nod my head, or say "So I've been told", with an attempt to put a friendly tone in my voice. I have no idea what motivates the remark in the various situations I get it in.

If I had a dime for every time I got/get that... heavy sigh

Ahh, just tell them that's how you're doing your part to reduce CO2 emissions.

I think when people do that it's to sort of 'ping' you, to see if you're safe or scary. Sort of like gently poking a sleeping dog with a stick, to see if it growls or wags its tail. And sometimes they're checking because they want to pet the dog and get to know it better, so to speak.

Yea some people who I dont know say this stuff to me too. Gets me really annoyed sometimes and I shouldnt let it.

That's a good one. I live in a city with a lot of whacked out environmentalists. This one will shut them up for sure. I usually say, "Yes I am because it is better to be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt." The NT's usually have to think about this one for a while.

i hear that a bit too.

not so much after a few beers though

If you're being quiet, people seem to think something is wrong.
So I think "You're so quiet" means "Why are you so quiet?", which would mean, "What's wrong?".
I think

Maybe they expect you to answer with "Oh I'm having a bad week because my grandma died" or something.
Which would start a converstation.

I think they ask because of a mixture of curiosity and wanting to help.