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Deinonychus
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08 Sep 2009, 12:35 am

for me, it's one of the reasons why it's affecting my relationships with people and with my mom as well. when it comes to interaction, i judge people for their personality and for common ground.

at times where i blow people off, it's sometimes with men and with my mom's friends. with men, i question their motives towards me. and with some of my mom's friends, they strike me as overtly perky and treat me like a frickin' 6 year old.
like this evening, my mom introduced me to an overtly perky blonde woman who attempted to hug and kiss me, but i gave her a handshake instead (i don't kiss and hug strangers at first sight). she spoke bad Spanish with me assuming that i don't speak English (i'm Colombian by the way). then she started to ask me really stupid questions and i'd answer back with "mm-hmm", "yep", "nope" and so forth. and when this woman was gone, my mom sarcastically thanked me for making her friend feel welcome and later accused me of being spoiled, basically talking s#!t to me.

so, does anyone do the same or what?



irishwhistle
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08 Sep 2009, 1:02 am

Yeah, when I feel cornered. She sounds like a woman who would make anyone feel cornered. I don't think people should hug and kiss people they don't know yet. I don't think that's limited to Aspies. I consider it good manners to respect people's bodies and personal wishes. And I hate people trying to draw me out. I don't know why so many people bond over stupid questions. I prefer to discuss books and movies, but whatever.


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08 Sep 2009, 1:17 am

Well, sometimes people say hi to you. At times they do it just passing by, while other times they want you to stop and talk to them. Until lately, I've had a habit of just saying hi back and then keep on walking, because I had trouble knowing whether it was appropriate to stop and talk or just to keep walking after the "hi". I'd often hear complaints from roommates or family members that someone told them I blew them off. This one roommate would accuse me of being stuck up for that, although I wasn't doing it on purpose.

Besides the reading peoples' signals thing, sometimes I'm just so focused on some scientific thing I'm daydreaming about that I just keep walking after saying hi back.

Lately, I've done quite a bit of work on my eye contact skills, so not much of that specific problem anymore. Now I'm reading a teach yourself body language book, and I think it's helping.



Tim_Tex
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08 Sep 2009, 1:50 am

Not purposely. If it takes me a while, it's likely because I am very busy.


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08 Sep 2009, 1:50 am

I've always tried not to, but in the last couple of years I've become much more inclined to have no time for people, if I'm either busy, being told the patently obvious, or just dislike the person in question. The ex flatmate was one of those... hour-long lectures on inane topics at any time, except she was oblivious to the cues of disinterest - and telling her "not now" just got her angry, rants about wasting her time and her good advice falling on deaf ears.


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outlier
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08 Sep 2009, 1:59 am

I remember I used to dislike my mother's friends and the way most would tease me and use baby talk. I had a compulsion with some of them, right into adulthood, to poke my tongue out upon meeting. And I was always mute around one of them.

One of them was an elderly guy my mother greatly looked up to and had known many years. There was something about their demeanours when together that made me cringe, and when they came out to the garden to greet me one day (I was in my late teens), I shut my eyes and just sat there. They got right into my face, but I remained motionless until they went away.

It was just the way I was. None of them told me off; it made most of them laugh at me.



Silvervarg
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08 Sep 2009, 11:14 am

I tend to do it when I don't know the person visisting, I just pull my head out through the door and check them out, then retreat again. ^^
I can usually stand brief contact like hugs, even if it's a little awkward if it's a stranger. Kisses are restricted to my sister only. (Possibly my mother if I need to keep her in a good mood. ^^)


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