College dorm experiences

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I'm just about to start college. How did you guys make friends in college dorms?

One obvious advice is to leave the dorm room door open when you're inside.

I was miserable in my college dorm due to excess noise and other sensory issues. I managed to make precisely no friends despite my best (though admittedly poor) efforts.

So I hope people can offer useful advise because this is an unavoidable part of college for many.

I only had one roommate who was really friendly with me and thought I was cool. The others were total b*****s to me who couldn't accept my aspie flaws and felt that they had the right to take over the entire room for their own uses.

I would never room with anyone again if I can help it. I wouldn't even risk moving in with a close friend if it's gonna lead them to hate me in the end.

I absolutely loathed having a roommate.

Roommates is like being married.

When it's good, it's great.

When it's bad, it's intolerable.

My best friend I met in college. We weren't roommates, but when my roommate moved out (we didn't get along), my friend moved in and we pretty much stayed together while in school.

Since I have graduated years ago (2001 when I graduated, took me 6.5 years to graduate, because I kept changing majors), I can recall many experiences in the dorm.

First of all, I stayed in one dorm. I tried to stay in the same room almost the whole time, but a bad experience one semester that made me withdraw for the rest of that period (MAJOR depressive episode) forced me into a smaller room the next semester. And I was taking art class, so it was hard to store my art supplies.

The other room I had was for ME only. They learned that I can't handle having a dorm mate. So thankfully they gave me first priority on that same room. This room did have a flaw, which earned it the nickname "The Cave." It had a drippy air conditioning unit in the ceiling that caused leaks all over the floor a number of times. But, despite that, I lived there quite happily. And it had a nice loft bed.

I didn't socialize with people. I studied, hardly came out of my room except to bug the people at the front desk. I can't remember why I did that. I don't usually like to socialize, but if it's someone I know and was nice to me, I seemed to just about burn their ear off with my boring one-sided conversations.

The showers were thankfully stalls, but it took a long time to get used to public bathrooms. I hated seeing hair in the drain, so I chose the cleaner of the stalls. And, after awhile, I picked one particular shower I liked that seemed to always be clean. And I hated it when someone was in there. Sometimes, I'd wait till they were done before showering in that particular stall.

We had a kitchen on each floor, though I didn't use it. Too many people were making messes in there, and stuffing their food down the drain that didn't have a disposal.

My room had only two plugs and no wi-fi of course. But it was wired for Internet. This was an old building suspected of having Aspestos. I had a nice desk. Loved the smell of its wood.

The walls were cinderblock, so hanging things was a pain. So I stuck with posters and sticky-back tape or puddy. Sometimes dorm mates are loud and sneak alcohol in at times. And the hall trashcans overflow with ants crawling up them.

I loved the solitude at night. Going outside to the parking lot and looking up at the stars. I loved being alone. It gave me the chance to gather my thoughts and imagination. But I did have a college sweetheart. Met him online and later married. We were in two different states, but grew in love online.

Every floor also had a lobby where students study. And sometimes students stole the furniture and put them in their rooms. Every floor also had an RA, resident assistant. And then there's the dorm manager. My first one wasn't really all that nice to me. She didn't understand that I was different from everyone else, I guess. We had annoying meetings too that we were all required to attend.

After awhile, I became the longest-living resident there. In other words, I was in the dorm the entire time I was at college. And yes, during college, like everyone else, I got a tattoo. It appeared to be the freshman rebel thing to do. But my parents freaked out of course. Now I've got more tattoos, but really it should have ended with just the one. Oh well... Another story for later.

I commute only, I refuse to ever stay at a dorm. It would be a nightmare for me.

I stayed in a dorm at Hillsdale college for one year, but you know, it's really hard. :/ Communal showers (even if there's more privacy than that implies). The only good thing was that I think I creeped out my roommate, so she wasn't in the room much. XD

[Obligatoryselfdescription: NT w/AS traits]

I made friends by meeting people in class and then speaking with them after class. It helps if one of you opens your mouth to respond to the teacher or during group work (without it you both have no idea what the other is like). I met many more people by being around the [ppl i met in class] as they went around campus, to their dorm, to dinner, parties, etc...

Often when classes start they campus holds social events for the students so everyone can congregate and have a chance to meet alot of people. My girlfriend at the time met one of her good friends when she kicked a soccer ball into his face!

Never done it. It sounds horrid. I would be ready to scratch out my eyes after a month of it.

That may help, but it's not always necessary.

I lived in a fairly crowded dorm my first year of college and I took the advice of leaving the door open when I was there. People would stop by, but not all that much. Usually when people did stop by, it was either people who were selling things, or people who were already friends of me or my roommates. Eventually my roommates and I preferred to keep the door shut, because there was a lot of noise in the hallway anyway.

And also, I generally didn't use my dorm as a place to make friends. The first day I walked around my floor and met all of the people that were living around me, but for the most part they just became acquaintances. The real friends I made were from events and activities focused on mutual interests.

I see the dorm mostly as a place to sleep, work, and chill out, rather than as a socialization hub.

Why do you do that?

I tried living in university accommodation on two separate occasions - at 18 and then again at 25. Both experiences were largely terrible. Leaving my door open (well, chocking it open) was pretty fruitless, as nobody ever stopped by.

The biggest problems were others' noise (especially late on, when coming back from the bar, club nights etc) and mess (usually in the kitchen). There were also issues with a general lack of consideration, stealing food, and my plates etc. being used but not cleaned, as well as practical jokes and bullying.

In short, I hated it and it doesn't work well in general.

I had one good semester when one of the universities moved me, mid-year, into a block populated by foreign postgraduates. They were much nicer, more mature people.

I would suggest you talk to the accommodation office and ask if they have anything like that, or a "quiet" dorm, or somewhere for mature students (over-25s). You should also make them aware that you have a disability - they may have an area set aside for others with similar problems.

Say and do whatever you can to get a room to yourself. If you're anything like me, not being able to shut a door on everyone is intolerable, and college is stressful enough without having to flinch every time your poor roomie comes back from her Mom's. It's not fair to your roomie, either, if you're like this. They'll tend to think they've done something to make you hate them or something. That said, I could have shared a dorm suite with other people no problem. I just really needed to be able to close that door, and I regret more than anything not going to the Dean or whoever I needed to speak to and asking for that one accomodation.

WXDustin: My first advice is to know your limitations and don't be afraid to ask for help. Noise and craziness are big features, especially in freshman dorms. If you're OK with that, then you'll at least have plenty of opportunities for socializing.

In freshman dorms you get something like Stockholm Syndrome, where captives have this weird sense of intimacy, even with their captors <grin>. Your dorm-mates will probably be pretty accepting of you. You will be 'friends' with them automatically. But making a real friend is more difficult. The only lasting friendship I have from college is with someone from my freshman dorm. If you make one true friend, you win.

haha.. I was just thinking about having to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

If you have issues with noise and chaos, then you should ask for a private room. They come in lots of configurations, like quads that share a common area and bathroom. Use earplugs and headphones. Be candid about your special needs, and write an operating manual for yourself.

I went and slept outside most nights to escape my dorm, and that allowed me to be pretty sociable during the day. We had undeveloped hills starting a couple of blocks away.

Keeping the door open makes you seem approachable, even if people don't come in. It keeps you from being a recluse. Ask questions. Get people to tell stories. Participate in study groups. Relax and be your own weird self.

Oh, and hone your re-charge/bliss skills. Figure out how to 'go to your happy place' and use it. Socializing is draining.