Demands of interelating with too many people stressful?

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Have any of you experienced the following?

When focused on your areas of interest, managing a career, and your reactions to interactions with NT's, do you find it overwhelming sometimes to deal with too many people as friends?

Do you find the expectations of NT's who do not know you have Asperger's to be overwhelming?

Does just trying to cope with all of this want to make you withdraw and establish boundaries?

Yes. At the moment all my friends are online and live in other parts of the country or other countries. I love it that way. I can go visit them once a year or so, and throw myself into the intensity of it for a few days, and then be able to escape back home and have plenty of time to recover. I've been going out with the people from work once every couple weeks, but that has nothing whatsoever to do with friendship, even though it appears to. It's sheer calculation in order to be viewed as one of their team.

When I was 17 I had three good friends, one of whom was in-person, and I met someone who could very well have become a fourth, except that I couldn't keep up... even though all it would have required was a written letter once every couple months. I still regret losing contact with her, but it really wasn't feasible.



Not overwhelming, but that's because I've streamlined my life and trained my reactions... not sure how to explain. At work my boss says about our current project, "It's not a sprint, it's a marathon, so pace yourselves." I'm taking the same approach to dealing with people's expectations.



Yes, no question. I used to try to match my boundaries to where other people seemed to draw them, but I was overwhelmed a lot and in bad shape. So now I've gotten really paranoid and careful with boundaries.

Pyraxis, given what you have posted above, how do you manage your interactions with regard to a romantic relationship?
Specifically - boundaries, distancing, frequency of interaction, etc. ?

Pretty much all of that. My default, "natural", leaning would be alone with a book or a hobby.

Yes, there are some good things about being with people, and it's necessary to encounter them earning a living (rats!) but being with people is not where to go to refresh or unwind.
However great being with people can be, and it can be, at one level it's draining, not refuelling.

I know you're probably hoping for good news but you're not going to get it, at least from me. I've only done one romantic relationship. It lasted five years. For the first couple months it was fantastic, like a constant high, and I loved it cause it was my first total immersion in someone else's world. But I made the mistake of picking an extrovert who wanted to talk on the phone for several hours every day, wanted us to see each other at least every other day.

I was being an adrenalin junkie about the whole thing, pushing myself as hard as I could, and I burnt out after 2-3 months. But I wasn't diagnosed at that point and didn't know what was going on, so I thought I was just being weak and did nothing about it. The next year I went to college in another state and the boyfriend was devastated that we'd only see each other five months out of the year. I was very happy because that brought the interaction level down to a point where I could start to think straight. We talked every day but mostly on instant messenger which I find less overwhelming, phone was limited to an hour a day.

My third year of college I finally got my bearings enough to realize I was in bad shape and started seeing a counsellor. That's where I eventually got diagnosed. (I don't have a formal on-paper diagnosis because I turned the opportunity down for career reasons. I'm also not Aspie specifically, I was told "Autism Spectrum Disorder".) Took me a year to realize I couldn't handle this romantic relationship thing and get the nerve to break up. I haven't regretted it at all.

So I've decided that at the moment I'm basically incapable of romantic relationships because the other person will want more contact than I can handle. It freaks me out to have others show interest in me because I'm scared I'll end up overwhelmed again. I'm terrible at setting boundaries because I've had mine crossed too often, so to avoid the inevitable panic over having to set them, I stay away from most people and emotional contact altogether.

Yes, I experience that in some cases.

Definitely. I even actively avoid or seem to ignore people that I like because I just cannot handle an interaction at that time or don't know what to say or when to end the interaction.


Yes.


Yes, except that I don't know which boundaries are reasonable and I really hate having to constantly enforce or remind people of the boundaries, so I just withdraw.

That is to say, I am told to interact with people when I have no intention whatsoever.

Can you explain to me what "overwhelm" is like for an Aspie?

Is it a physical response, an emotional response, a combination, or are some other factors also involved?

Thanks so much for all of this info!

For a more extreme example, I suggest The Myth of Being Alone which at the time of this post was the most recent entry in the blog I linked to. (See about halfway down for the part about overload.)

My overload is much milder than that. But overload in general can take on both physical and emotional aspects. Some get overwhelming anger or frustration or fear. Some lose various capabilities, like being able to speak or being able to control one's movements. Some get odd sensory effects, like being able to see fine but not make any sense of what you're seeing, or every sound seeming louder than normal, or sounds/smells/sights causing physical pain.

I need at least five time the time I interact with most people in alone time to unwind so i try to limit contact with people as much as possible As to overload I can be both aspects I get shakey very defendsve I dont see or hear everything quite right which leads to more problems and futher escalation if I dont get away

Direct link is here (there's a few more entries now): http://ballastexistenz.blogspot.com/200 ... alone.html

To get to the link for an individual post, click on the time (on that post, 8:06 pm), which is at the bottom of each post.

I guess this seems like the right thread to ask, so here I go.

For the ones who have AS in this thread; do you have your own groups of friends or are your friends spread out all over the place? Do you go on outings or are you more likely to listen in to the friends you are with talk about your outings? Is this a trait of AS or am I just a pin in a needlestack?

Sorry, NT here but, clever, that "pin in a needlestack"! !!

Intially when I began my courses at college I was keen to become a memeber of the social in group this didn't exactly work as often I was percieved as erratic or edgy and quite absorbed in my own interests.
So after amassing a large group of aquaintences I began to distance my self as I found it just too much. I got fed-up of being considered arrogant- when I'm not exactly I just like things done in my own fashion and with quite a short temper.

"When focused on your areas of interest, managing a career, and your reactions to interactions with NT's, do you find it overwhelming sometimes to deal with too many people as friends?"
I wouldn't say overwhelming, I just do not like being around a lot of people. Plus, I usually only have one friend. This answer is based on what my definition of friend is. I am not tallking about co-workers or aquaintances.

"Do you find the expectations of NT's who do not know you have Asperger's to be overwhelming?" Sometimes. The NT's I work with and for are pretty annoying. I woldn't say so much their expectations as their behavior, or reactions to me. Assumptions made by how I walk, or don't pick up my feet or look angry, are irritating at best.

"Does just trying to cope with all of this want to make you withdraw and establish boundaries?" to me, sometimes it is just easier to be by myself, less chance of messing up some form of communication that way. But I still am a social person in that would like to have one real friend. (so total hermit is out)

I hope this helps..