Hey guys, I just wrote this paper not too long ago for a composition class and I think it might help some of you out there. It's about how I've changed over time with my views of Aspergers and myself. I hope you guys like it.
It is said that growing up with a disability is difficult; there is no arguing this. However, people tend to associate difficulty with pity. I would argue that the labors associated with a disability save a person from the consequences of being all too normal.
I was ten years old when I moved to Georgia. The middle school I attended was less than five minutes away from my house. For the most part, I sat silently in class. I wanted badly to make friends, but I was frightened by the thought of confronting these new people who had entered my life. My family and I knew that I had Tourette’s Syndrome, but what was keeping me from being able to socialize with others my age we did not know. My parents figured it was because of the move. I had always been shy, and attending my first year of middle school in a new state was sure to be difficult. However, as the years passed I still did not know a single person whom I considered a friend. It wasn’t for lack of trying. I tried talking with people in my classes, but the meaning behind the subtle expressions in their body language or voice inflection escaped me. When I did have a conversation going, I did not always want to talk about the same topics that others were talking about. This inability to communicate properly led to many awkward situations among my peers. People began to consider me odd, and after enough time so did I.
I did not know why I could not make friends. This ability that came so easily to other children eluded me. “Why is it so hard for me to make friends,” I remember asking my mother. “Is there something wrong with me?” She would comfort me by telling me that I would learn how to make friends eventually. She would say that children can be so cruel at my age. Once I got older life would be easier.
I was seventeen when life started to turn around for me. I was a junior in high school. I still did not have anybody that I considered to be a friend, but I knew plenty of people whom I could talk with during class. I was satisfied with that, but in order for me to become truly happy, I would have to overcome the unknown obstacle that kept me from achieving my potential. I began seeing a psychiatrist to find the root of my problem. Dr. Patel was his name. I saw him once every few weeks. We discussed the problems in my life. How I had difficulty reading people. How I felt disconnected from everyone around me. After a few months of meeting with him, he diagnosed me with Asperger’s Syndrome. Asperger’s Syndrome is a disability which makes socialization extremely difficult and gives the afflicted intense interests.
I was so relieved when I discovered the cause behind all my problems. It explained why I felt reluctant to engage in a conversation, and it explained why my interests that I wanted to talk about did not interest others my age. Now that I knew, I wondered if that with enough knowledge and discipline, I might be able to see through the illness and change my behavior so I might fare better with other people. Knowing the cause gave me hope.
Now I am nineteen years old, a sophomore at Kennesaw State University, and the freedom of collegiate life allows me to better understand how to work with the subtleties of my mind. I am able to more freely experiment with socialization. Being able to strike up a conversation with someone I hardly know without the fear of having to see them every day if I fail is great for my advancement. Success has also come. I better understand myself and have gained many close friends. I study and memorize certain body movements and voice inflections so I can understand the meaning behind them. I have also trained myself to avoid getting stuck on a topic so that I don’t drive people away.
If given the chance to rid myself of Asperger’s Syndrome when I was younger, I might have done it. At the time I considered myself odd. I thought that what was the cause of my troubles was something to be destroyed. Now I no longer see it as such. I view Asperger’s Syndrome not as an obstacle, but as an advantage. In learning to overcome my disabilty, I have gained an outstanding understanding of myself that is far superior to what many people without disabilities have of themselves. I can see exactly how to control my emotions and many other functions most people consider involuntary actions by the body. After learning that people such as Albert Einstein and Thomas Jefferson also had Asperger’s Syndrome and how their intense interests helped them in their fields, I have set ambitious goals for myself, which I try to maintain a high interest in. Hopefully, this action will channel my interests into something that will be beneficial for me in the future.
I don’t consider myself odd anymore. I see myself as complex. My brain is wired differently than others, and it takes knowledge to understand how to best use it. I hardly consider it a disability anymore. I am grateful for having gone through the rigors of a childhood with Asperger’s Syndrome. With my inquisitive nature and ability to see the world from a different angle, while being forced to also see it from society’s angle, I seem to have a higher potential than that of a normal person with no disabilities. Perhaps, I am not disabled, but superabled. The hardships of a disadvantaged life have made me stronger, and once I fully learn how to control my disability, I can come out on top.
17 Sep 2009, 10:34 pm
