starting over again...

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I started college recently and after a long period of being friendless which had caused a lot of depression which then spurred people not to want to be friends I have finally found some in college...the honeymoon period has kinda ended though and I've found myself feeling stressed,upset and worried all the time once again..Most of my friends are'nt keen to meet up outside even when I try not to be too needy or have friends from school who they prefer.I'm also feeling as If I should choose between a few people even though i don't want to.This might be my one chance at having real friendships with people but I'm really struggling and I can't bear to think I might end up terribly low and friendless again.I've been feeling tired all time and started having melt downs for the first time in about four months.can anyone advise me or give any tips that helped them in these situations?
ty x

Hey, saw this yesterday but hoped someone with more experience could help. What you're going through sounds really tough.

OK first of all don't panic I think it's important to take the whole making friends thing very slowly to begin with, it should pick up pace naturally as you get more confident and better at it, if you want it to of course.

Just now it sounds like you need to chill out for a bit, you get an October break in a week or so right? If you can go back home for a few days just to veg out (or do what you do to relax on your own) and get well fed then I'm sure you'll feel a lot better for it. If not then spend some time doing something relaxing, just stay away from people for a day or three if possible. When you're feeling like you do you need to avoid the thing that's stressing you out and come back to it when you're recharged.

What you say about choosing a group is unfortunately correct. If you don't then neither side will feel they can trust you until you do. This doesn't mean you have to be nasty to the others obviously, no need to burn any bridges, but you wont be able to hang out with them much just the way it goes. As you get older it's not such an issue (cept maybe in offices) but in school/college years it is. On the plus side this will narrow your group of friends down which helps stop you spreading yourself too thin, not that great a plus side but you've gotta find one somewhere

I'm in the middle of trying to make new friends too and it's not easy. Just take it slow and don't push your friendship on anyone just the odd gentle nudge (i'm terrible at phoning people but it needs to be done). Don't push yourself either and be aware of how things affect you and how you act in certain situations for example I've just realised I rock slightly when I'm excited and I'm a non-stop twitcher which obviously freaks a lot of people out so I'm going to practice not fidgeting in company. Every now and then I just need to tell myself to calm down and be still, works fine. A change of scenery really helps when the stress is rising.

Learning social skills/communication skills will help a lot. Each day I learn more about how important body language is and I've been completely blind to it for 30 years. It's more important to you now than it is to me so I suggest getting a book or two on that as well.

Dunno how good your eye contact is but it's very important when trying to make friends I think, if you don't look in someone's eyes or let them look in yours when you're with them they often think you don't like them much. If you combine that with other signs that you do like them, such as asking what they're doing later, then you get mixed messages and it confuses them on a subconscious level ie. creating cognitive dissonace. You often hear that aspies aren't trusted or that people get an 'off' feeling about them but don't know why and I think a lot of it's down to those mixed messages.

Anyways, I've went on a bit here unsurprisingly but I hope it helps.

I wish I could say something hopeful to you about college.

When I left sixth form, I spent most of my life doing menial minimum-wage jobs. I never made friends at work, and nobody from school wanted to stay in touch. When I got older, I got tired of dead end jobs and decided to go to university. I hoped it'd be everything you see on TV - groups of friends, that kind of thing. It didn't work out that way - being almost ten years older than the other freshers, and commuting rather than living in halls, made it hard to do that.

But four years on, I'm in a new city and just finished the first year in a new career. And I'm making friends down here. Someone from school I ran into, people from the office...

The social stuff gets better. It might not get better now, but I promise you, it does improve. You just need to be around people who are more mature and accepting.

I am not a specialist on the subject, but I think most people here have that problem

In school I got lucky first year, because almost my entire class from the previous school came into the new class. Later years were more difficult, since we got split up. Then I had the problem also of choosing groups and people. And I made sort of a choice, maybe not the best but I tried to keep contact with others also. Not choosing was not working, since you did not have a group of people to hang out with. But sometimes I still kept to myself. Unfortunately I was not aware of most processes and probably some people 'adopted' me.

I tried to keep old friends, but that was not working well. But I did get some new ones, based on common interests. It was not conscious seeking, but some gradual process.

In the next step of your life you lose most friends and gain new ones, but I learned to accept my ring of friends is really small and other people just shift by. Friendless is a big word for me, but each time it happens and gets better later.

I hope you find some new friends in the coming time. But do not despair, it can take some time.