Am having trouble overlooking the bad points about people

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Am having trouble overlooking the bad points about people in order to grasp a positive connection towards them/with them. Cant seem to get over little flaws like people having bad days, I am possibly taking the blame personally when I shouldn't be? Would love your thoughts.

All have different days and different attitudes. Just remember one thing. We are all really the same person. Just with different ways of looking at things. All of us are really the same. We all have our own insights though and differences, but if you can look at them all you can understand that many people often forget about other people. They simply are not smart enough to acknowledge others in this life. There is no way you can make them smarter so there is no reason to be angry with them really. If you can understand that then you will see that there are ways you can go around or ignore their attitude to make them more friendly. Probably in a different way though. Don't just call them out as stupid or something. That likely will not do very well.

I often got mad at people as well that were just plain stupid and acted aggressively all the time. I have gotten better though and life seems well and I mostly ignore anyone that gets angry at me now until they are finished then I reply calmly.

Me, I've learned to find the bad points really easily. This is similar to my ability to sniff out 'dealbreakers' when considering a guy.

Im more referring to people Im MEANT/WANT to get along with for example my siblings/flatmates. Like for example if they are in a sh***y mood for just ONE DAY then it will forever change my perception of them into something negative, which makes me stop wanting to get along with them. Help?

I gotta tell you one thing, I will NEVER trust anyone. In that sense I as well cannot overlook the bad in people because there's a lot of bad and the bad outnumbers the good by a heck of a lot. I don't trust people because not only have I been betrayed in the past but I do not want to fall into any traps. I am so sick of thinking people are good and decent when instead their true colors come out and they turn out to be nothing but bad or crazy. A lot of girls I've known and even a few I liked turned out to be nothing I expected and they either turn out to be bad(I would use other words to describe them but I don't want to write anything inappropriate) or just plain crazy, narcissistic, and manipulating. Sorry about my little rant but I am just one man who cannot see good in any people unless I am 100 percent sure they are good. I know there are some good people and I have known a few but I am so sick of being disappointed and heart broken every time I find out that the person that I tried to like turns out to be bad.

(1) Realize that you aren't going to get along with everyone, even people you are "meant to" such as your siblings and flatmates. So if you really do have a personality conflict (or they really are jerks) don't worry too much about disliking them.

(2) If you really are disliking people who are generally nice people but just had a bad day, then that *is* a problem. Everyone is going to do something we hate. If you are being a perfectionist about it, then you will never have a single good relationship (and I don't mean just romantic) ever.

If you are having trouble over say looking over one bad day, think about how you would feel if you did something not so nice because you were having a bad day. You would feel bad but you would hope that the other person/people would give you a break and not hate you just because of it. That might give you some perspective on how the other person is feeling.

thanks guy!

Hello

It depends on what the bad points are in people. Recently i have decided not to bother with certain people and find some better circles of friends.

i wont overlook....

1, people who tease others and when asked why the response is "because i can"
2, people with racist, homophobic, sexist other prejudicial views
3, people who have a go at me when i arrange something and it doesn't work for them
4, people who lie to me about the same things
5, people who wont accept no means no
6, people who walk off when i say to them "ive answered your question 3 times stop asking me!"
7, people who think disability is a negative thing and refuse to acknowledge that they could have (inadvertently i might add) upset someone with their behaviour.
8, people who refuse to accept they could be autistic
9, people who wont abide by my "if you don't ask the answer is no" then say "i didn't ask because you would have said no" clearly indicating they knew exactly what the consequences of that action was at the time.

Alexis

Possibly.. but on the other hand, it's also possible to not take something personally when you should.
Figuring out how to interpret things like that confuses the heck out of me.
Many times, if I feel like I'm being pissy, I try to apologize and specify that I'm not mad at whoever I'm interacting with. (If I'm not mad at that person..) Sometimes that backfires, though, and ends up making it look like I'm at fault for stuff. I have a lot of trouble understanding the difference between current behavior and general behavior. A lot of times I give people the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn't, and then when I discover that, I go too far the other way. It comes back to theory of mind... comprehending how people change in some ways but not in other ways, and how to figure out which are which.

Edit: the other thing I have trouble with is comprehending that my behavior affects the behavior of others sometimes, but the same behavior can affect different people in different ways. If someone is mean to me, if they're a nice person, than trying to be nice back to them will help the situation-- maybe they were upset or in a bad mood or something I said came off badly, and that's why they were mean. On the other hand, if the person is being mean to me because they're a bully, if I'm nice back to them, they'll take it as a cue that they can get away with being mean. I have no clue how to deal with that.. I never seem to figure out who is who until it's too late.

I like what the Talmud says: "Look for the good in the man."

ive got a problem with getting my needs met on a forum. ive been accused of dominating a list (i dont block others from communicating on that list) and of being "too much" and of being high maintenance?

They dont seem to understand my need for unambiguous communication.