What the hell is it that messes me up socially?

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I'm self conscious but at the same time I'm fearless so why in the name of god can't I socialize normally? I've been diagnosed as autistic but I just wanna know what it is that prevents autistic people from being able to socialize normally. I'm not afraid of dying or getting severely injured the least bit so it goes without saying that I'm not afraid of social situations but for some reason I just can't socialize normally. I always offend people and say "inappropriate" things but how do you know whats inappropriate or not? My humour is a lot like Monthy Python and some of it people find hilarious but other jokes people get offended by. Theres like these unwritten rules that we're supposed to know but if nobody tells you how the hell are you meant to know? Its real frustrating stuff. I suppose I should just accept that I'm not normal and stop trying to be something I'm not.

actually, i have been told it's not what you say, but how you say it. it's why i can't deliver a joke to save my life. i too utilize the humorous stylings of Monty Python... and Fawlty Towers...

i guess people might get put off or confused if you are not portraying the correct expression or right movements that people are naturally used to doing. i don't know it, nor do i get it. it's like you either know it or you don't. however, i guess there is software or other resources out there that can teach you that.

conversely, it may be that the people you talk to naturally can't read you. maybe you are expressing yourself in your movements, but you do it differently? does that make sense at all?

argh. it's frustrating.

Theres always going to be social norms, ways to communicate, and many unwritten rules that can be the appropriete things to say and the appropreite body language. Most NT's learn this naturally, they pick a lot of it through observations and imitation. While being AS, we dont pick up these social norms. We dont know how a doing a certain body language might mean to everybody else. Its like everybody else is speaking a hidden language that we know poorly but its super super important. Even more important then the literal language that we speak. Its hard to know whats appropriete and whats not. You just have to work harder to learn it through conscience observation, social skill classes(if there around), and maybe asking a person who knows you well the rights and wrongs of social interaction. Theres a lot of things that we can do carelessly that an NT might take as a huge offense.

I don't believe they've precisely isolated the "what" you are seeking. I've heard speculations from brain chemistry to the actual utilization of different areas of the brain for tasks (including motor functions). However, it is most likely too intertwined with our very beings to be "curable". Adapt as you can, brother. Know we are here for you.

Thanks for the replies. Good to hear from people with the same predicament. That seems to be the case jamesongerbil. Its the way the joke is said. I've noticed people I know well see the humour in all my jokes but when I tell jokes to people I don't know they don't laugh. They laugh at the blatantly obvious jokes but never the more complex ones. I've noticed that a lot of peoples jokes are directed at someone else to put them down or embarrass them and often when I tell a joke people will look for who the joke targets. I do not target people with my jokes my humour is about situations. Exactly like Monthy Python the humour is the ridiculous nature of the characters and the situations they put themselves in. Thats the kind of thing I find funny. Hard to explain but what I'm trying to say is my humour never involves putting people down or making them look stupid. Thats not humour in my opinion thats a method of disguising malicious intent towards others as humour.

Perhaps the best analogy is joke telling.

You can nail a joke correctly word-for-word but if you don't deliver it properly, it just doesn't come across as funny.

I think social skills is the same way. We know how to communicate, but we mess up the finer touches that really make it them work properly.

How else can you explain that you can be polite in your interactions but people think you come across as rude?

I think Aspies all of the non-verbal elements are missing or out of phase with NT's.