I need people. I can't think of a more original title.

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I had to go to the job centre the other day, and I saw the occupational psychologist. He asked me for my letter of diagnosis for AS and all the IQ tests I've had etc. While looking through my old files, just to summarise - everything that went on in the past...looking back at it all has upset me. It's upset me that nobody recognised the effort I put in to fit in with others, and that nobody spotted my really low self esteem and depression. It also upset me how I tried to explain to the psychologist what I'd ideally want to do as a career...I didn't know, and told him I didn't really have interests anymore, I assume because I was depressed for so long. I don't really know who I am or what I want.

What also upsets me, is that I met up with an old friend the other day. He's gorgeous, down to Earth, a gentleman, polite, mature...everything I want in a guy. It is driving me nuts that he still hasn't replied to my e-mail yet. It all looks very positive that he likes me back at least as a friend, but I'm an impatient cow who wants everything now.

For years I have just found it so hard to focus on what I want...I don't have any big interests anymore. I just want to be around people. This guy who is really nice, supposedly prefers his own company. I just don't get it. Aspies are so confusing...but anyway, my point is that I'm finding it so hard to find myself, because my mind is obsessed with wanting to socialise with people IRL. I'm currently waiting to get on the NAS's course called Prospects (for getting aspies into work) and the waiting list is two months. I hate having nothing to do, but there's nothing that motivates me to go out unless it's vital for shopping or to meet people. I'm fine with getting out the house, I just need a reason to do it. At the moment I'm spending most of my days in bed just waiting. I should do something, but nothing is motivating me to. The thing that drives me are people.

Any advice would be appreciated. And yes, I will take advice on board - I'm not asking for sympathy.

When I'm bored, I'll seek online entertainment, play guitar or force myself to do some school work. I guess I never really have absolutely nothing to do. Convert to Wicca and waste all your time doing magick(spelling intented ) spells if you have nothing better to do. Or better yet, find something productive to do. Or don't waste yourself. Raise money and awareness for the BNP or something.

Hi Smudge,

You're lonely, so it's natural to want to be around people. I have been in your position before and I do understand how having friends and company can turn into an obsession, to the point that everything else seems insignificant in comparison.

You may not feel like doing so, but you need to get out and about; start doing the things you wish you could do with friends, such as seeing movies or going to the theatre. Force yourself to go to evening classes that you think sound interesting and enjoy the company of others along the way.

why not ask in your local oxfam shop if you can volunteer a couple of days a week. I used to do that and really loved it, everyone was very friendly and met up out of work too. The kind of people who volunteer were all nice people and I got to chat to customers too.

I also enjoyed volunteering for a charity who did performing arts with people with learning disabilities and that was very fun and all the volunteers were tollerant friendly people.

Have a look in your library for what groups meet up and what classes are on in your area, Ive enjoyed going to yoga, massage, friends of the earth, fair trade, amnesty and all sorts of other things, just see what takes your fancy.

big hugs smudgey

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your advice. I'm going to go and look up what's on at the cinema. As for voluntary work...don't they do checks on you first and stuff? I remember looking for it before and I had to wait a few weeks to work for this shop...which I didn't choose to do in the end as I had college again the month after.

Protest_the_hero...I'm not sure about tampering about with the unknown. I've tried that before and it freaked me out.