Don't you hate it when...

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when you have a friend named A and you have another friend named B. A and B are both friends you know from university but A and B didn't know each other. One day, you happen to come across both A and B at the same time. A sees that you are friends with B and vice versa. The next thing you know, A and B starts talking to each other and you are left out of the conversation. This happened to me twice this year. Oh well, at least I know that because of me, I have formed new conversations and perhaps new friendships.

I'm sorry, but could you break that down any further?

do you mean you don't understand what I typed above?

I understand it and I hate that too. Two separate friends happen to meet and form a friendship that excludes you, right? I have had a weird problem in my life of my mother befriending all my counselors/therapists.

I had this problem some years ago, but I found a solution that worked for me.
The main problem, that I acted different to A and B, so I didn't knew how to behave when we were all together.
A solution that takes some time, but makes everything easier is being yourself to both persons, so that you don't have any conflicts when all together.

I know that this is difficult to achive, especially now, when the friendships are well established.
Hope that helps.

Well, they don't mean to exclude me, its just that I have trouble following conversations with two other people. When I am with one other person, there will be random gaps of silence here and there, but when its two other people they just talk and talk nonstop and I find it difficult to think of what to say.

Hmm...maybe thats the problem for me. I'm not sure though...

I know exactly what you mean. This happens to me all the time, and I really hate it. The thing that bugs me the most, though, is that no one else I know seems to have a problem with this. And when I try to make people understand that this is a huge problem for me, they think I'm stupid and tell me to grow up. I am so happy I'm not the only one feeling like this!

I think I understand. This can happen with me, but I know that it is because I have a fixed way of relating to my friends. NT people tend to be more flexible, and are happy talking in large groups. So effectively it's like I've just introduced two friends who speak Swedish to each other, and they're happily chatting away, and
1- I'm struggling to keep up in a foreign language
2- they're probably going at a "normal" pace, happy for me to join in, but I have trouble with three way conversations, so don't keep up as well.

So they have this double speed communication burst, and I'm left way, way behind, and they have no idea that all this is happening to me.

When friends from different worlds meet. Scary, scary situation.

In my experience there are only ever two outcomes:

1) A and B will act like they did above and become best friends, often relegating you to C the fifth wheel. The math doesn't add up. Adaptation is needed.

2) A and B will hate each other. It will be awkward. Life will carry on as usual.

This is perfectly natural in the social world. It has happened to me numerous times. Most often in University where people are still seeking people out in the social order. It can hurt.

Usually I discover that I was going in another direction myself and find that I'll meet another person soon and get along with them swimmingly. Often taking the part of A meeting B through a mutual friend. Thus starting the cycle all over again and passing the position of C on to another.

Another unexpected consequence of this is that A and B get carried away and just need time. Given a short "honeymoon" they realize that they miss me and bring me back in, making us A, B and C - inseparable.

Theres a good movie about this called Kiss Me Again. Its more about a relationship becoming a threesome but it illustrates this behaviour realistically.

Last edited by nansnick on 08 Dec 2009, 4:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's not fun when you introduce a female friend to the guy you have a crush on and they start dating.

That's just totally bad.

Yeah, my sister married one of them, but it was a teenage crush on my part and now they are splitting up after 32 years. So it goes.

Jeez, that's payment indeed!

I don't mind this at all. In fact, I bring friends from different groups together intentionally. For me the bigger the collective social circle, the better, because I don't like to be anywhere near the "center" of it. If there's a larger group of people it allows me to sit back and observe, interject when applicable, and not waste excessive energy trying to keep myself in the middle of a group conversation.

My group of friends in my hometown, for example, is HUGE; and it largely developed due to me introducing one friend from middle school to another who went to a different school, and a third who went to a third school, and those three to the first two friends I had in high school. All of those people networked outward and from there I was introduced to everyone that they subsequently met, with very little effort expended on my part.

Boom. Social group.