Has anyone been guilty of this in friendship?

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passionatebach
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16 Nov 2009, 6:29 pm

I was thinking about my friendships that I have had after a conversation last night.

I have found myself guilty of being obessed or pursuing certain people during times in my life, while there were people whom were genuinly interested in my friendship that I just brushed aside. H

I was thinking about a friendship that I pursued as a child. This friendship didn't last too long, nor did that person and myself have much in common. There was another friend that lived in the neighborhood, that looking back (and through recent interaction, life circumstances caused us to interact again) I had quite a bit in common with. I still did some things with him (he was a good secondary friend, when there was no one else), but I often blew him off in pursuit of other friends. I was curious about others experience or if anyone has had this experience. or noticed themselves doing this?



jamesongerbil
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16 Nov 2009, 7:17 pm

yeah, i've done this, exp. in middle school (learning how to climb social ladders, but i think the rungs were greased) and high school (in persual of boys. yeah puberty!) actually, i think i've sinned the greatest against my own best friend, but idk. i told her, when i would have a boyfriend, that i am not ignoring her on purpose, i just like to spend a lot of time with them. this seems really mean in retrospect. but she understood. actually, now, i really just sort of focus my attention on one person and that person is my fiancee.



Graelwyn
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16 Nov 2009, 7:19 pm

I have been guilty of this also.
I become obsessed with a person, and others who make effort and show interest in me, either have had to listen to me talking on and on about this one person, or have well, not been treated as well as they should have been in terms of attentiveness. It is not a trait in myself I much like considering I hated it in the past when others did similar to me.



Joshandspot
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16 Nov 2009, 7:55 pm

let's be realistic here, it's not so easy to be different. When someone more popular befriends us and gives us 50% of their time vs. someone less popular who gives us 90%, who are we going to choose. Also take into account that we want at least 50% of our time to concentrate on special interests and could somewhat easily accept a friend giving us less than 90% of their time. Also take into account that the best way to learn social skills will be from someone who's already somewhat popular, not to mention they can help you create more friends by them having more friends and those friends becoming yours by default. Also if this friend is willing to talk you up a little, the other friends may look past your quirks more. It makes perfect sense and isn't just an aspie thing. Think of all the girls out there who complain about guys being as*holes but don't give any time of day to the nice guys, it's almost as if they enjoy the challenge.



jc6chan
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17 Nov 2009, 1:55 pm

Ya, I think I have been guilty of it. In high school these people would want to hang out with me but back then I had social anxiety.