Stupid things NTs when I tell them I have Aspergers

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I live in a small town called Elkin, NC. This town is small (the population is around about 6,000) and being a Southern town full of older people, not many of them know much about mental disorders/disabilities. Like take for instance, the other week, I was at my great-grandma's house, talking to her neighbor that lives across the street. When we were in the middle of a conversation, I kind of zoned out, as I often times do when I am trying to analyze what someone is saying, and run through the possibilities of what I can give as a sufficient response. Whenever I did this, she said "What's the matter with you?" and wondered why I wasn't smiling or looking up at her. I explained that I had Asperger's Syndrome, and told her about how it's hard to make eye contact, read body language, recognize expressions, etc. And her mother, who was sitting on the porch as well, immediately asked if I took medication for it, and said that I was being rude. But it's worse with my family. I do not mean to sound like a racist or to use stereotypes (although I myself am black) but my family fits the mold of typical southern, churchgoing, country colored folk. The kind that you see on shows like the Boondocks or in movies, and they don't know much of anything outside of everyday common knowledge, especially when it comes to me and why I think and behave the way I do. My Nana's a teacher at the Elementary School, so sometimes I go over there after school. If I am just walking into her classroom and I say "Hi, Nana," and she's in the middle of talking, she will immediately yell and fuss at me, as if I knew that they were talking. I had no idea! So, I apologize and then she gets mad because I apologized. Then she always says something along the lines of "Now, I know you got that Aus-pendis or whatever, and I know you got problems, but that don't mean you can just come up in here interrupting me at my job!" Or "Just 'cause you think you're 'special' don't mean you can't look at me when I'm talking to you, boy!" I don't get it!! Everyone claims to be there to support and help me, but they act like unless I'm slobbering all over myself or switching personalities at the drop of a dime, that I don't have a disorder, and that it'll just "go away" if I tell it to. I can't help it!! ! Can someone help me please????

If someone gets mad at you for coming in the middle of their class, I think you can control yourself and just not come in since it clearly bothers them.

For poor eye contact, I started wearing sunglasses everywhere. Of course they will probably fuss at you for wearing sunglasses too. But I felt happier knowing they couldn't tell where I was looking.

Poor southern country people are not the only type of ignorant people. My parents are equally ignorant, and they live in Canada and my mom has a Master's degree and my dad has a Phd. After literally years of me explaining to them what my problem means exactly, they sort of understand. You have to be patient with them and just keep on telling them that you can't meet their eyes when they are speaking to you because of your disability. Eventually they'll just get used to it and stop commenting, but it could take quite a while of constant repetition.

They don't mean to be nasty to you, it's just that for them eye contact means someone is respectful, so lack of eye contact makes them feel like you're being disrespectful. They can't help feeling that way any more than you can help yourself.

Thanks for that it's really helpful to know I'm not the only one who deals with it and that there are ways to help it.

I also come from a small Southern town, so I can relate to the social and cultural setting you describe. In addition to my ASD, I also deal with depression and am in addiction recovery, plus my father was an institutionalize paranoid schizophrenic.

My experience has been that most people, regardless of their backgrounds, have little or no useful knowledge of mental health and disabilities. As you suggest, they want to be supportive but just flat do not know how. And the closer they are to me the more grating it can be, meaning family can be the worst.

I wish I could offer something you could say or do that would magically, instantly change their behavior; but I do not know of anything. The best I know to do in my own life is to gently educate them when rare teachable moments arise, and otherwise practice understanding, patience, and acceptance that they are doing the best they know to do.

Oh, that, and stay away from them as much as possible.

my family and extended family treats me the same way. and what's worse... is that they always ask me what they can do to help me. i know my family has smarts, has a brain...i get frustrated that i always either have to come up with the answers or that I always have to adjust myself to act how they want me to act. and they wonder why i'm exhausted and don't wanna do anything but sit in my room and watch tv or surf the net.

I have been to ELKIN! It was 20 years ago and I was attempting to visit my late granddad, who lived in North Wilkesboro. This is before google maps. My husband and I had many panic attacks lost in Elkin, which did not seem to have any traffic signs so we couldn't find a way back to the highway. We're in Virginia, where we have a lot of traffic signs.

I understand about the rude small talk. You could ask this lady if she's tried taking medication for being black and see how that goes over. It works either way- to become LESS or MORE, lol. Your great grandmother would probably tell you to cut a switch so she can strap your legs. Seriously, though, being a race minority and being a neuro minority have a lot of similarities, so many people could understand it that way? I use the analogy a lot. There are few times when it doesn't fit.

I have just self-diagnosed and am working on finding a psychol/chiatrist capable of official diagnosis... small Southern town, yup yup! Mine might be in GA, but it's the same problem.

I work at a manufacturing plant and while I haven't "come out", people already talk about me being unfriendly (I have no natural "warmth" and honestly don't have the first clue how to project it). I have tried explaining that my mind works differently but they just don't get it. I'm afraid it's something that a good deal of NTs will never be able to understand, regardless of how we try to tell them about it. The concept that their life experiences cannot be remotely related to mine is something that the few people I've talked to, who are the more intelligent of the bunch, cannot wrap their heads around.

The US "take a pill for everything" culture and severe under-education both make the situation worse for those of us stuck in the boonies, particularly in the South where there are few professionals and fewer opportunities for meetups/support groups.

You have to be careful who you explain your situation to because there is a lot of ignorance from steretypes and expections of us. It's also none of their business whether you need medication or not. Medication can't fix everything. What a stupid thing to say.

I have had to be careful about who I tell due to people's ignorance and nosiness. A few years ago I had attended an interview at a kid's salon and I was trying to raise awareness by letting the lady know since the salon was closed and it was just us. She started asking intrusive questions that she had no right asking

1. Do you have a social worker?
2. Where are your parents?
3. Who helps you buy your groceries?
Etc.

If someone talks to you like them then you owe it to yourself to tell them "You're concerned because...?" or "That's your business because....?" That will make them think.

"I'm sorry I thought I met all the experts but maybe you are being nosy."

Hmm I used to live in New England and now I live in one of the southern states. Northerners are more reserved than southerners and tend not to make small talk unless they know you better. People thought I was unfriendly and distant because of my reserved northern social habits. As for the eye contact thing try and look at something on their face like their cheek or mouth rather than the eyes.