So, I am going to go ahead and ask the big question;

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Should I keep trying? Or is content enough?

First, let me apologize for my first post being a wall of text. I seem to have difficulties summing up my thoughts and don't feel like I could properly cover everything in a few meager sentences. Also, if I am to be expected to 'help before being helped' or 'become known' before making a post like this, then please tell me so so I can remove it.

As my life is, I am content. I have a family member taking care of me financially while I go to college. I have food, shelter, and am working on getting an education. These are the things I need to feel secure, be content. I am not unhappy, however, I am not happy either. I am honestly grateful for my current situation.

In my life, I've only had one person I was able to call a friend. It didn't last long. Before then, and since then, I have not managed to form any relationships, friendship or otherwise. I have been able to find comfort in being alone in the past. However, recently this pit in my stomach has been getting worse and worse and I can't seem to feel better. this feeling isn't new, but in the past it always faded after a few weeks. This feeling has been getting worse for over a year now.

I try to talk to people, I'm not shy, and I've gotten over my social phobias. But, as (I assume) others with Asperger syndrome, I just can't seem to do it. I understand the function, the social rules, and I speak well enough, but I cannot find anyone who WANTS to talk to me. Normally when I try to talk to someone, they either simply walk away in my middle of me talking, or make a polite excuse to leave. I honestly do not know what I am doing wrong, unless I am just an irritating guy by nature.

I'm tired of being at the only empty table in classes. I'm tired of sitting at home alone eating left overs while my family goes out to some event. And I'm tired of only being able to watch people care about each other, and not being able to be a part of it. I am weak, I want people to love me, and I can't shake the feeling or figure out how to be a part of it.

But, despite all the complaining I can do, I am content. I have food and shelter, in the end that is all you need.

To try to shorten this into a coherent series of questions; Should being content be enough, am I being selfish to expect more? Is being social simply something that some people are not capable of? If it is possible for everyone, what could I have been doing wrong my whole life for it to not work?

Thank you for your time.

You need to find a way to get into a group. Volunteer work, a school activity, a club...
It's easier to talk to people when you work together on something that is genuinely interesting.

Can you find an Asperger's meet-up group in your area?

I've tried doing group work. But I always fall into the same habit of just offering to do all the work while they focus on the social element. If I do try to talk, they usually end up leaving.

I don't know how I'd do volunteer work. Would it be with a Church? I don't think the churches would accept me.

I don't know enough about your interests etc. to have any immediate "tips", but what I can say is this: it's good that you're content just being content. I think for the vast majority of people, that's the best their life can ultimately end up, so if you're okay with that, in the long term that's probably a good attitude in case things don't turn out for the better.

But that doesn't mean you can't strive for better. College is a good time to start, especially if you're "taken care of", so to speak, because the possibilities are virtually endless. I know that was the best time of my life. Those possibilities probably won't always be around.

Next semester will be my third year in college.

content is far more that others have, JakeTambler. At least you have realized that having enough is all you need, some people never even get close to realizing that. Pets are good to have, a cat or a dog, as the companionship is quite valuable, the committment to their wellbeing and frankly, they bring us back into the physical world and keep us aware and connected to affection and it's soothing balm to a troubled soul.

Being social is something people are just not capable of doing, absolutely. What's more important is, you shouldnt feel any pressure to overcome it. Be content, it sounds like the basics of life are covered, a roof over your head and a good education being provided.

Granted College is a good time to socialize, but I really only keep in regular touch with 1 person I met in college (handfull more via facebook, but dont really count that) and i didnt actually go to school with that person, but worked with him part time while at school. The people I consider good friends are ones i knew before then and since then from various jobs (and honestly, before being friends with these people, you would never have convinced me I would make a close friend with such a person, or in such a way). I kind of joke about it, but if i ever got married, i would have oddest rag-tag group of groomsmen you'll ever come across.

Basically, when I look back on the few people I consider friends, none of them were made in any kind of attempt to seek out a friend. They just happened throughout my somewhat normal life.

Reminds me of a good quote, i think it was Henry Ford, too lazy to look it up, "Good luck and fortune come to those too busy to be looking for them"
Has defined my life in the last few years. Just keep on going at the basics and the perks will take care of themselves.

Good question! It's one I ask myself every day, many times a day, actually. I have what I "need", why should I try for what I "want", when I usually just fail at that anyway? Content, content is-- OK. Content is a moderate level of anxiety in my world of emotions. But contentment is just existing. There's nothing wrong with it in and of itself-- it is good to be content with what you have. But what about living? What about experiencing? What about trying and failing, flopping and finally flying? (OK, too much alliteration there.) We spend our lives being pushed away by other people. What is it that drives us forward again-- why do we want what is so difficult for us to achieve? It is what has driven human history forward-- the good parts and the nasty ones. A desire to conquer, to master and to know. I say live. I also say that any church that wouldn't accept you isn't a church you should be hanging around anyway! There is a lot to do at college. Find a group that shares your interests. Step out in faith. Even if you fall, at least you took the chance!

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat". (Theodore Roosevelt)

these sound like ruminations - look it up the psych dictionary. read Feeling Good by Dr. Burns. good luck man.

I shouldn't want to be more social than I already am because I don't need to. But I feel like my parents don't like me because I'm not a social person. So I only want to be more social because I want my parents to accept me.

Hmmm... I would say it's enough to be content, in general, but you don't really sound content - you sound like you want to figure out what you're doing wrong. As is always the problem, this is very hard to tell in an Internet forum setting. Obviously, if people don't want to talk to you, you haven't quite mastered everything - although it's very good you're trying to talk to people and be social .

Are there any NTs you could ask about what you're doing wrong, that have observed you and that you trust? If there's anyone like that, that'll probably be worth more than all the advice in all the Internet forums combined.

If there's no one like that, could you maybe describe how your conversations wind up going off-track in a bit more detail?

Oh, and good luck! I do hope you figure this out...

I just wanted to add that you are not weak because you want to be loved, this makes you human. We all want to be loved and accepted. We all want to feel like we belong somewhere with someone. Try not to over think things, make small goals and carry those goals out in baby steps. I think volunteering is a great idea especially if you can find a place to help out that is of interest to you. It would be a great way to meet like-minded people. Finding the positive in situations is the best thing you can do, but if your not happy with something voice it to the people you are close to then attempt to do something about it. If there is one thing I have learned its that we cant expect people to do things for us we have to act and hope others come around. Best of luck to you!