Do you find it difficult to explain yourself?

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When in a situation where you are asked to explain something do you find it difficult?

Or do you feel the need to explain yourself, perhaps when that wasn't asked of you?

How often do you use snippets of pre-thought scripts rather than on-the-spot thought in discussion?

Yes.. but I think a lot of times when you're asked to explain yourself, it's a bit of a setup. Like if someone asks you to explain yourself because they don't believe something that you're saying, then they already think that you're a liar, so nothing you say matters because they just don't think it's true.

On WP, I can usually clear up misunderstandings, but there's really a big joint effort on everybody's part here for that to be possible. When I explain something here, it's not just that I'm explaining myself, it's that somebody else is actually paying attention to my explanation, and actively working to understand. In the real world, that's not the case-- half the time they're actively working NOT to understand.

Guilty on all counts.

You know, when we've met you this Saturday, that was one thing I could really identify with you on. Very often when I try to explain myself to someone and they don't understand what I'm trying to explain to them, another person comes along and restates it in a different way and then my conversation partner suddenly understands. And I could never figure out why it was so hard for me to find the right words! Sometimes I'm good at explaining myself, but sometimes I get stuck and keep restating what I'm trying to say in different ways in hopes that the other person would understand what I'm getting at.

That is always frustrating.

Seeking to understand someone else is also very difficult. Sometimes it feels the only way I can understand them is if they are literally describing how that something works.

Partners in crime.

Yeah I do. Online it's easier because I can stop and find the words but in real life, it take me too long. I just say "I don't know" or give a short response of what comes to my head. Then later on I feel I have lied because it wasn't the full truth.

Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 24 Nov 2009, 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank goodness for those essential thoughts of understanding. Sometimes I’ll keep trying to explain things in hopes that I’ll understand what I’m getting at. Though usually that’s a futile exercise and it takes the other person to pull me out of the loop. And it’s those moments when they find those choice words when that happens.

To use your dot analogy, it’s those moments when a person changes from a black dot to a white one.

It’s like they are a conceptual inciting incident creating a mind space complementary to further learning/understanding. Allowing the brain to process and function. A relief, really. The challenge then is to keep that mental state active.

The utter frustration of not finding those words in the first place... a perpetual state of Presque-Vu but with whole concepts not single words.

For the longest time this was the single largest factor to my hopefully brief bought with social anxiety. It felt that every time I opened my mouth it betrayed me. I could never say what I meant.

Conversing online has helped my mind to construct more accurate responses out in the non-internets. Even if they are partial pre-fab.

Then again so has caring less about what people might think and focusing more on the details of the topic.

Not so much difficult but I find that if I'm not careful I'm not undersood.


Not just explain but over explain.


Actually I find this to make conversation much easier. I often plan out possible conversation ahead of time.

When attempting to explain something I find that I'll either skip stuff (generally think I said something which I didn't) Or go on a related tangent at seeming random (in my mind it makes sence however)

And then, explain some more.

I've been thinking about this question, and I have to say that yes, I do find it difficult to explain myself. However, I don't think it's necessarily an AS thing in my case. Maybe it is, but I'm pretty borderline AS, as far as I can tell, so I really don't know. The thing that makes it hard for me to explain myself is that my views about things seem to be so completely different from the "norm", that people seem to not be able to hear it.

Example: I have certain views and beliefs about what constitutes a good education. It does not involves three hours of homework each night, and reading about things that you find tediously dull, or having 80% of your grade based on a group project that is ill-suited to the student's learning style. I have a son with AS, and every single year, I have the same conversation with teachers about this subject. They can understand that my son has "special needs", but they cannot understand my fundamental values about the topic, because it's so alien to their own.

It was always the same when I tried to explain to people why I wasn't sending my kids to preschool. It was as if I were trying to explain why I wanted to smear myself with peanut butter, like it was so absurd and foreign to them that they couldn't hear my reasons. They had made up their minds that I was a lunatic before even asking for an explanation. The more people look at you funny and demand more reasoning when you are trying to explain your way of doing things, the more frustrated and nervous you get. Until finally you wish the topic had never come up.

Almost exclusively. It makes me think that others can tell and they might think I'm being fake but I'm not, I just over think things beforehand and can't think very well on the spot.

I'm really bad at explaining things, describing things, and telling stories. I talk in circles, go off on tangents, and repeat myself often. I'm never sure if I was clear enough for someone to understand what I was trying to say and it's pretty frustrating. If there's something really important I need to say to someone, I usually write it down and hand it to them to read.

I also feel like I need to explain and justify a lot of what I say and do. Which I think is what your second question asked. I guess it comes from a constant feeling that everything I do is wrong, so I have to make sure that other people know my reasons for doing it.

I found this and thought "that sounds just like me".

my life, no explinations

all the time.