Putting words in your mouth

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Does anyone else seem to have other people putting words in their mouth a lot?

What inspired me to post this is when I'm on the phone, say at work and I don't know what's going on or happening with something, so I'm a bit lost and someone else is giving or feeding me the words they want me to say.

But it could happen in any situation and I wonder who else gets this a lot?

My Mother-In-Law does that alot.

For instance, My Fiance and I looked at the house we will inherit when his father dies. ALL the walls were covered in wood paneling.
So I said, "As soon as we own that house, all that ugly wood paneling has to GO! I want to remove all of it!"

Somehow, Mother-In-Law interpreted what I said as, "I'm going to rent a trailer or a hotel room and live outside the house until I have it fully renovated."
Gradually, she had twisted my words all the way around and believes that I said, "I never want to live at that ugly old house ever."


I NEVER mentioned anything about renting a trailer or hotel room, or never wanting to live in the house. In fact, I absolutely adore the house and its location. It has alot of room for a decent sized family, it's on a huge plot of beautiful land, and it provides social isolation, in the middle of nowhere, in Oklahoma.
Its walls just need to be redone, that's all. I plan to do one room at a time, so that I can live in the house while I'm renovating it, so I don't have to rent a trailer or a hotel room.


In fact, since re-doing the walls might be very expensive and alot of work, I might not even re-do them at all! I will just learn to like the wood paneling, or maybe just paint over it or something.

It happens every single time and it really frustrates me ! ! I normally get that alot when i'm on the phone and people just talk over me and that just makes me forget everything and it does muddle my head in, especially lately, ive been going through and up and down stage with my girl... and we've been talking over each other and getting things all mixed up.

Or when I was back at school, whenever I wanted to talk about my problems fully what it all happened, they would used to just head on talking and I wouldn't be able to get it all out, yet it took them ages to sort it out, normally happens 2nd time...

I tend to search for just the right word - a lot (I used to get quite upset when I couldn't find it.) That leads to people trying to guess what I want to say - which just makes me more frustrated, because they are never right.

So over the years, I've developed a huge vocabulary. I figure that if I can't find the RIGHT word, I'm darned well going to find one that is infinitesimally CLOSE. (I even used to collect dictionaries & thesauri. I have an entire bookcase filled with "word books.")

I still search for words, but the search is usually much shorter & I have more words in my head to choose from. So now when people try to finish my sentences, I take great delight in throwing them a curve with a word they absolutely didn't expect.

I'm sure you didn't intend any offense, but what you did, in saying that the wood paneling was ugly, was what people sometimes call, "looking a gift horse in the mouth." What it means, for those who struggle with idioms, is that if you are fortunate enough to be given a gift of something that ordinarily costs a huge amount of money, don't examine it for faults and complain that it isn't perfect. I'm guessing that your mother-in-law may have been offended that you were finding fault with the property, and saying it in her presence. Remember, the house is going to your wife and yourself because her father was kind enough to leave it to her in his will. Also, since it's an inheritance, it won't be yours (your wife's) until her father dies, so you certainly want to show a certain amount of respect about that. Your comments about the house should reflect how grateful you are to be getting it, but also that you aren't holding your breath waiting for the old man to pop his clogs so you can move in. Does that make sense?

Your mother-in-law's comments about renting the trailer, etc, were probably her way of pointing out that if you don't like the house, you can choose to spend a bunch of money of something far inferior. In other words, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Buying a house, especially one with actual land around it, is something that is not an option for everyone. My husband and I own our house, but it's 1200 square feet with no land around it at all. It cost a third of a million dollars and we'll be paying for it for the rest of our lives. If I wanted a yard, or a kitchen that was big enough for two people to stand in, it would be a lot more expensive, but since my husband is only a well-educated, highly respected, competent professional in the computer industry, we can't afford that. I'm just saying this because you might not realize how amazingly lucky you are to be in a position where you are actually going to inherit a house, not to mention all that land.

(I hope this doesn't sound like I'm telling you off or giving you a hard time. I don't mean it to sound that way. I just feel like I understand your mother-in-law's point of view, and hoped to explain it.)

Elderwanda, thank you for your explanations. I really appreciate it! But... you have it all wrong. It's kinda my fault, though, because I did not provide all the information. So here's a bit of clarification.

My fiance's mother and biological father are divorced. It is my fiance's biological father's house. Mother-In-Law hates her Ex-Husband. She hates everything about him, and hates everything he possesses. She couldn't care less about that "slumbag" and his "dirty, slummy, house." (Her words, not mine.) Not to mention, I don't believe she has ever seen his house, as he moved there after they were separated, and she has never been to Oklahoma.



Umm, I'm a female. I am marrying a male.



Makes perfect sense. I am very grateful to have the opportunity to already have a wonderful home lined up for us to live in. I do realize that my fiance cares alot for his father, and I care for him too. We plan to live life normally until the unfortunate moment comes. Until then, it's only in the back of our minds. As my fiance's biological father is also a pretty healthy man, we certainly are not holding our breath!




Oh, I do realize it. It's a wonderful opportunity! Even if our future potential kids are already grown-up, it will make a wonderful home to retire to.



You have explained it quite well. What telling-off? I only heard wisdom and advice from a mature and experienced person. I would never make those comments in from of my fiance's biological father, because he might actually care. Mother-In-Law probably wants to hear more "bad" comments though. Unfortunately for her, the wood paneling is all that I have a problem with. It's up to her to imagine more bad things to put into my mouth.

"Ah, I see", said the blind man. That clarifies a lot.

I have no idea why I wrote "wife". I know you're female, and I knew that when I was writing all that. And yet, for some reason, I wrote "wife". Who knows where that came from.

Or you could refinish the wood (if the color is bad) and decorate the place with blues and greens so that it looks all nature-y and stuff... Wood paneling looks terrible with beige and other neutral colors, but it can look quite wonderful paired with some nice blues and greens... Quite perfect for a place with lots of land and stuff.

(sorry.. have decorating on the brain..)

it happens to me, too. especially with my mom. she's the only person who does that to me on a frequent basis. just the other night i put an end to a phone conversation with her because she still puts words on my mouth without even letting me finish a godd@mn sentence. 25 years til this day and we still can't get along.

Gosh, all the time. Then the person who put words in my mouth will chastise me for "not standing up for myself" and saying what I wanted to say.

Lately Ive concluded that the only way I can get around this is just to say whatever it is I want to say point blank. It may be awkward or out of place or not popular but it is what it is. At least this way we're working through the reality of a situation rather than a reality someone else is constructing on their own.

It does require a level of openness though. Honesty all the way.

One of my past relationships was built nearly entierly on the other person speaking for me. Having difficulty explaining and conversing in the first place it was easy at first because we were similar in a lot of ways. As time went on however we grew in different directions and he still insisted that he spoke for me and he hadn't a clue about who I had become and I realized that he never did.

Breaking these patterns is difficult.