Internet Relationship Frustrations

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I know it's Christmas and everything.. but yeah, I have to get this off my chest:

I have a few (like 6) internet friends who I talk to fairly often over the internet and I'm quite close with most of them.. I've known most of them for atleast a year.. but the relationship is pretty much more give than take. Like I pretty much have to initiate every conversation and stuff.

Most (perhaps all) of my friends are NT and it is quite difficult to talk with them sometimes as I say awkward things, etc. and I dunno, I feel that I'm taken for granted. A lot of times I feel like my standing with them is very.. uncertain although I'm pretty sure that they like me and all, but I'm still not really sure.

I'm guessing this would all change if I were to meet them in person, as one of my friends mentioned, but yeah, it really isn't viable for me at the moment since I live in Hawaii and all - but at least all of my friends live in the same state .

And yeah, Social Anxiety is really crappy - it's so frustrating. I can't stand it!

I have two online friends. One of them is like you just described, and the other is a very close, mutual friendship. It doesn't bother me though because I have no intention of meeting the one that doesn't seem to want to put his part into the relationship. What really bothers me is every real life friend I've ever had has been all take and no give. I always have to invite myself or I am always the one to call them. Thats of course until they tell me they dont want anything to do with me anymore.

that sucks. hopefully you'll have better success with people soon.

but yeah, it kinda bothers me how we don't define an internet friend as someone in 'real life'. everyone is 'real' right?

This can be a good option, or it can turn out bad. Luckily (depending on how you look at it) I never got to the point of meeting a couple people I met and talked with frequently online. My view of them wasn't entirely accurate when we had discussed meeting, so when things "hit the fan" it wasn't as bad, and it wasn't in person. Also less attachment to deal with that way. Well, not less, different.



Yep.... I can say I understand that one. I always loved the advice of one of my therapists. "So you want a girlfriend? Go ask this one girl you're interested in out before our next meeting." (Two weeks time I think, can't entirely remember. It was either next meeting or something like two weeks time.) Needless to say that didn't happen. (No, it isn't simply girl-shyness, at that point in my life any social interaction was borderline painful. It was also great dealing with my father's denial of that diagnosis. "How could my son have problems? That means I have problems!")

I guess my biggest question (that could possibly be answered by me scouring the forums, but I'm feeling lazy at the moment) is where are you at in life? (Couldn't think of a good way to ask that.) High school, college, past that, before that? I had a horrible time in middle school, was the outcast in high school, was "accepted" on my hall the first year of college, and now at year five I'm actually (at least as best as I can tell, I could be wrong, I'm better at observing humans than including myself in the observations) popular for a change. I'm still the weird guy, but I'm the weird guy that people like. Don't ask me how the hell that happened, I don't know! Still tried to figure that out, since I still have zero luck (ability?) making new friends without the "assistance" of friends I already have. Needless to say that's got me terrified of grad school (if I get in) or the "real world" (if I don't.) If nothing else, even if interactions don't get easier, meeting people and being more readily accepted could, even if it is through "help" from others.

thanks for the cool insight, man

omg, i know how you feel! i don't understand why people invest so much faith and interest in me, it's so insane! i hardly contribute anything to make them feel that way, but it happens, for some reason..

this happens to me with some people...some people seem to take a great interest in me...:S but most dont really pay attention or think i'm a bit weird (bad sense)

I can't meet people face to face, so I have no interest in meeting them, really. I prefer to socialize over the internet. No worrying about gestures, eye contact, or repeating what they say. One has time to read and respond at their own pace. I hate social anxiety. Its like literally a fear of people.

I don't see any way for me to make friends on the internet... I had a few, but I don't talk to them anymore.

One of them was some girl who didn't talk much and was rather uninteresting. She removed me from her contacts.

One of them was the only friend I ever had in real life. I haven't seen him online in months!

Some woman who I chatted with one time, then she removed me from her contacts list...

Ever since then, I have never had one person who I could talk to who I wanted. That sucks!

I have a few good friends in second life, actually talk more with them then my friends and family in rl.
Being in SL makes it easier to express what on the inside, not like in the real world where I am to shy
to make new friends.

yeah, meatspace is like, direct communication from the mind. it doesnt have to get translated to speech and nonverbal language.

It is better to remain online friends, because if you meet them they may not like you.

I have a lot of respect among my clanmembers who are now my internet friends sort of. I joined a small gaming clan full of Star Wars fans and I got along with them very well. I also started getting protective of the clan and was the one who solved a fight between my clan and a bunch of other ones through explanation and diplomacy. 3 weeks later and my leader stepped down and appointed me as the clan leader.

Also, I have an internet friend who actually lives near me and belongs to the same costuming group I'm about to join. He is my age and aspieish which is good. I wouldn't mind meeting him in real life because eye contact and verbal conversation has never really bothered me as long as the person I'm talking to shares my interests or things similar to my interests. That way, I have something to tyalk about and usually, with those type of people, I can carry a conversation for well over an hour.