If I can do this...(experiances and a word of encouragement)

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So yes, I have Aspergers. Yes, I have some hard time making friends. Yes, I may even be abit weird to others.

But.

It looks to me that there is plenty of posts with people asking things like how to be social/make friends/etc.

Now, I don't have many friends. Thats part choice (complicated), part location/circumstance, part because I don't tend to goto social events (parties/etc), and of course, part me.

However I really don't think it's so impossible. Sure, maybe it was much harder pre tenth grade. However, in 10th grade (2006/7?) I made friends. A decent amount as well. This may have been due a great deal in part to where I was at the time, but I was still an Aspie (who at the time exhibited more extreme behaviors deemed socially unacceptable), and still around NT's. That year many things changed for me, and I grew as a person. I fell in love that year too, a multi year ordeal ending in heartbreak in the end (and many times throughout, though now it's just ended) and scarred me for relationships elsewhere.

Then 11th grade hit, and nothing happened. No joke, I slept through 95% of that class year.

Then I left that area and came back to Maine. So started 11th grade in Maine. Again. Credits are a weird thing between schools, not to mention between states. That year (2009) I was once again an outcast, but I cared a little less. I even did a few things most on here probably would not do, including going on a 2 day grade wide camping trip to a eco camp with no computer/tech or anything for 1 day of labor to help build it and one day of peer interaction to plan a school event. I, during that time was surrounded by about 50ish of my peers (All NT's, some pretty jerkish) at pretty much all times with no place to withdraw to. hate the outdoors, and at the time hated most of my peers. But, I survived, learned allot, and actually had fun.

Then later that year I dropped out of HS. Social BS had taken it's toll, I was done. Not to mention I was doing no work. So I was in limbo for abit, then I went and took my GED (aced it first try). Then more limbo.

During said limbo time I was going to the local Dojo quite a bit. I was the only one my age, everyone else was either older or younger. But it became like a family. I think I may have annoyed some people at times, but overall I was well liked it seemed and got along with almost everyone. I even made some friends there, and even though they were 21-23 and in college they treated me as an equal around them, not a joke.

Fast forward - I moved in with grandfolks in MA to goto college. Classes have not started but they will soon.

There is another side to all of this. I sort of got off track with one piece. Forums. I don't have many RL friends. Thats a fact. So in lue of this I went online (I have been on forums since 15, see the forum your on and others). I also got a few games (MMORPG's) that really are more fun when in a guild. So I joined a guild, or rather several over my gaming career. Now, it's true, a few guilds (one in particular) was rather abusive. I left and they fell apart in part due to that, since a few of the core members liked me and quit in protest to the abuse from the others on me.

Most guilds I have joined have been great though. I have been social/active in most of them. I am in a rather large guild on DDO, a very good guild in WoW, and a great group on Guildwars. I have gone on vent and been social, talked crap back, and even went to another state to meet a guildy in real life (he's a 17 y/o NT) and had a great time (that visit is a thread in itself).

Now back to forums. I have been on a few. TH, WP, VF, O4W, GD, and several forums run by the guilds I was in. I have not always fit in, but I in general get a decent amount of positive feed back by others. Heres the thing:

Besides WP, every other forum I am on is NT based (ie, 99% of the users are NT). Depending on the forum, I have between 50 posts and several hundred (500+). On O4W I had 1600 before it shut down. Not all of my views are liked (see the responses I even get on here) and I don't expect them all to be. Most of these places I have not only a few users I consider "friends", but many allies that have defended my posts against attacks by others. on TH I have something like 653 posts and something like 12 individual positive rating comments and many more ratings, and I am generally well liked. This is an NT board with almost 68 thousand users with 3371 people (225 members and 3146 guests) on at the time of this post. It larger, meaner (users), and very hard to be different on. But I am, and I have friends.

The other big site I am a member on is VF. If you know VF thats good, if not, I am not going to explain it. But I will say that 2 million members (with almost 37,000 of them online right now) it is big. I joined at recommendation of a friend. I am not so well know on the boards, but I have a small presence in the chat rooms. For an Aspie to go into the VF chatrooms is almost asking for disaster. But, I made friends through it infact, have had some great conversations, trolled and been trollled, and had a good time over all. VF is not really mainstream NT, and the best users really are very smart people with unique views then the majority.

Now I have said I do not have a girlfriend. I don't think it's going to happen right now. Most girls seem to hate me. But on VF 8/10 of my "friends" are female. A good amount added me first/engaged in convo first. This may be because the web provide anonymity as a relatively safe social options for meeting people.

So here I am now. Pretty much friendless in life. The friends I have left are in other states mostly. But I have found that just by trying and risking being rejected I have met many interesting and wonderful people online and in life.

Please note I say I have few friends because I do not know pretty much any of the online ones, so it's hard to really be real friends with them. However if you take friendship as being able to include online, then I have a decent amount.

What I am saying is don't give up and don't stop trying. Put yourself out there. So what if your made a fool on some message board? Move on to another. Give others a chance to understand. Be yourself. People with AS can meet people, they can be social, and in many cases can find love/romance (even proven on WP).

Warning: I do not recommend the VF charrooms for anyone without extremely, extremely thick skin and a willing to let things go/ability to realize sarcasm.

Side note: If you think most NT's do not have social/love/family problem, go over to the TH forums. So many with really the same/and or even worse scenarios we are in.

I think online friends count as much as irl friends. If not more sometimes. The only disadvantage of online friendships is that you can't help your friend physically if they need it.