Going to a Friends Party nervous! (replies needed ASAP PLZ)

Post Reply New Topic

So I've been invited to a friend's party tonight. It's the first New Year's Party I've ever been to. On the one hand, I've been told to dress up nice (nice shirt and pants), which for me was reassuring. But then he said that this was more because his wife and her girlfriends were dressing up, and he assures me the party is going to be pretty "crazy."

That has me nervous. I don't drink, and I don't do well in packed, noisy houses. I really want to find an excuse to back out and stay home in my room where it's safe. But I know I've got to confront these things. But I don't want to have a miserable time either, and slap my friend in the face for the invite.

What should I do???????


BR

Ear plugs, bring things you like to do to keep you busy. You can also sit away from the party when you go if you need breaks. I don't know if this it at a place or at someone's house but you can sit in a quiet bedroom or something. I am sure they have places to sit so you can sit down and do your own thing to keep you busy.

I'd make it clear that I could only put in an appearance, then leave. And, ask yourself how important it is for you to be around loud, partying people to bring in the new year? I find that if I give a time limit, I feel a lot better about leaving. If you feel that you don't want to spend New Years alone, either go early and leave after an hour, or go the hour before mid-night. But then, people might be really ramped up and drunk. Honestly, if it was me, I wouldn't go! But I am probably much older than you, and have seen a lot of new years in.

BTW, you don't have to confront these things on such a large scale. That's why I suggested having a time frame, so you don't get too overloaded.

Get outside for breathers regularly if you can. If you feel like you're losing control of your face, hold something in your hand that you can slowly chew or drink, so you can reconnect with feedback from your facial muscles.

If you can find an introvert to talk to, good. If not, have someone you can call on your cell FROM the party. Polite or not, its more polite than just showing up or leaving.

Also, maybe theres a room THERE you can hide/take a breather in.

Parties are for NTs. Here is what you do. You go to the party, and you settle in, and once you are settled in, once you know the terrain, grab a beer. I don't care if you like beer or not (I HATE beer) just grab a beer. Open it, and take a few sips. So now you can walk around with a beer in your hand. Now you look normal. After about 30 minutes or so, throw away the rest of the beer, and grab a new one. Get a different brand, and make sure nobody sees you throw away the old beer. Now you have 30 more minutes of freedom. Throw that one away, and grab another beer, this time of the previous brand. And remember, take a few sips of each beer. Stop at three beers, just so they let you drive home. Now, as for talking to people, just remember that some people aren't talking to anyone, they are just getting really drunk. So you aren't the only one not talking. Talk to people here and there if you can, and remember that most conversations aren't going to work out. It's a bunch of drunk people at a party, don't stress out over it. Talk to your friend. Maybe he will introduce you to his friends, and you can talk to them for a few minutes. Bottom line is, don't expect much. It's a bunch of crazy drunk people.

So, Brianruns10, how did the party go?

Thanks for all the great advice, and for the continued interest. My apologies for the slow reply.

The party actually went quite well. Granted, there was some of the usual buffoonery: multiple shots of god-knows-what, some girl caught her hair on fire, and another was so drunk she barely put up any resistance when her (husband, BF?) cupped her breast for a photo. Sheesh.

The fellow who invited me seemed very aware that I was the stranger among his college buddies, and did a good job of introducing me around. Met a few interesting folks, found a few mutual friends, and some geographical connections (nearby schools, stuff like that).

Girls were the same old story. Most were already spoken for, and those who (I believed) weren't, seemed pretty disinterested in me. Oh well, can't win 'em all. I figure my time is gonna come eventually in the dating dept. and they will start to realize what all I could offer.

At the end of the night, my buddy walked me out, and as we chatted, he admitted he didn't care as much for the big, alcohol fueled parties. We're both runners, you see. I'm reasonably good, but he has a decent shot at the Olympic trials. So he's an early to bed, early to rise guy like me, and doesn't go for these all nighters. In the future, we may get some poker games together. I love those! Small groups of people, relatively quiet, and lotsa numbers and strategy! Maybe some more chances to meet girls.

All in all, it was good I went. I still don't like big parties, and I sure as hell don't plan on taking up drinking any time soon. But there's some promise for the future.

BR

That's an excellent attitude, Brianruns10! And I am so glad that you had a mostly positive experience. You are an inspiration to a lot of the Aspie guys on here, who, from their posts, don't value themselves enough.

Thanks, but you give me too much credit. Goodness knows I've been as negative as others. At times, more so. In this case, at least, the good outweighed the bad, and so I felt pretty good.

I sure wish I could have some success in the other department, but I don't seem to have much to offer. I hope to change that.

It's alright to be negative sometimes! We all do it, at times. The problem would be if you start to define yourself by a passing negative mood. Then, it is easy to convince yourself that you have nothing to offer. Be kind to yourself, above all else, because if you aren't, you become so toxic that nobody wants to bother with you. Believe me, I used to be this way, so I speak from experience!