I like meeting new people but don't like following through

Post Reply New Topic

Anyone else behave similarly? I actually tend to enjoy meeting new people, making small talk etc. I don't have social anxiety and can easily start a conversation with a complete stranger. But around 99% of the time, I get bored of them and pursue other friendships. I tend to have difficulty establishing myself in a social circle and such. At school, I had a reputation of being more of a loner (mostly because I've "met" almost everyone but never naturally pursued a true friendship with any of them).. then they're quite surprised when they seem me on Facebook with hundreds of friends (basically people I briefly met and had an interesting conversation with..)

Maintaining friendships is very strenuous whereas random one-off encounters are quite liberating. 'Love em and leave em'. Besides, who would I choose to tie myself to as a 'friend'? I find it rather discriminating to choose to be close to a particular person and not to someone else. Yes I understand that some people might have similar interests or are more comfortable to be around, but overall it feels more free to take on anyone and to know that no follow-up is required. If they ask to see me again, or something crazy like a phone number - then they're taking it way too far and I have no hesitation in telling them so. Mostly that doesn't happen though. I enjoy the freedom of perceiving anyone as my friend. An occasional brief interaction with a random new friend is sometimes all I require for several weeks, or even months! Having said that, I've recently endeavoured to work at a more fixed friendship with a couple of people I know from several years ago, but it's very very difficult - and I'm not reliable at all.

At school I also skirted around the peripheries of the different social groups. I was always happy to talk to any of them, but now looking back - I didn't actually know anything about any of them because our conversations were never in-depth. A brief pleasant exchange was always enough for me and then I'd just go on my happy way.

I recognise myself in the other posts. I do the same. Some times I go a bit futher but then I know these peoplefor a longer time. But in the rule I keep to myself and usually don't know what to say. I am not a soap watcher or get me out of here I'm a celeberty! To keep a conversation going I ask a open question ,not just something they can answer yes or no to. They talk and I just sit there. Next some one else comes in and joins in the coversation. With as a result that I am going to listen to them and be quiet or go away.

I have alot of aquitances and a few good friends who I keep in touch with on a very random basis. Sometimes I talk with my friends for weeks at a time and then one day...I just feel like going into social hibernation and dont really talk to anyone other than those I live with...then I come out and although I feel bad, they are always ready to take me back in. They understand that I have autism and I just do that for no reason.

I wrote a section about it in one of my poems from "looking underwater"

Falling together and apart like the waves, my mind comes and goes
only to return again
Dont worry, I will be back as soon as I rise with the tide and bind myself
to the shore again.
Dont grip me too tight...I have to flow away again.


It kinda shows how my friends are the shore...and I am the sea foam coming and going again and again.

Right now I am coming out of hibernation and seeking my friends who put up with my freespiriting ways.

But as far as love em and leave em aquaintences, do you ever get bored of small talk?

I actually cant stand small talk...it is the part of a relationship that I have the hardest time getting past.
I try to detour it best possible by asking things like....what are your hobbies? or what are you passionate about? just so I can hear what that person is passionate and discussing that instead of the price of gas etc etc

I think it would be cool if you write a book on all of your random conversations with perfect strangers. Do it in journal style. I think it would be an interesting read. It would be cool to call it "Random Conversations with Perfect and Imperfect Strangers" Who knows where it may lead you?

I like your analogy of the shore and sea foam, jojo bean. I'm like that too with the couple of longer-term friends who've amazingly seemed to have stuck by me over the years. It's a long time between tides though! lol

As for the small talk and getting bored: I never get bored; small talk is too much of a challenge to allow for boredom; I mostly just say the first thing that enters my mind - so it's usually a random sort of comment; I'm pretty stoked if I can carry out a conversation that involves 'typical' small talk because the other person's reactions make me feel 'normal' for a couple of minutes lol!; I'm basically just stoked if a person responds to something I say as long as it's not too offensive; most of the people I attract are 'random' types who usually say interesting things. There's also been occasions when I've managed to get onto my topic with someone and then they've found it quite difficult to get away from me, I think! lol I've even walked home with someone because we were discussing my topic, even though it was in the next suburb, and then afterwards I had to find my way home in the dark. lol

But just going on my own experiences I've found it uncanny the way that a loner attracts other loners. This has happened to me even when I've done my best to appear conventional in terms of my dress and behaviour whilst out in public. Other 'People Of Difference' must manage to sniff me out regardless of the exterior I'm trying to present! lol It's often been comforting to be approached by some of these people when I've felt uncomfortable in the usually-public-location. It was even comforting to be grabbed by a drunk homeless man on an isolated jetty late at night - when I realised he didn't want to kill me - just to waltz with me! lol And he didn't seem to mind that I couldn't waltz back! The small talk with people like this tends to be more of an exchange of thoughts. We don't learn much about each other, usually not even a name - but I find it to be fulfilling enough. Can't do it all the time though - once or twice a year can be enough - that's how fulfilling it is!! lol!

Yes, I have it similar. It is the repeated meeting that is difficult; living up to their expectations is probably my main focus area/problem.

I notice this too, in that I have interesting/intelligent conversations with random strangers and then I never see them again. I like how there's no commitment/stress involved and yet I'm already able to engage in an intellectually stimulating topic, as opposed to most people at Uni where they are full of boring chit chat/antics every day.
Instead of a "One-Night Stand", it's like I have "One-Convo Stands", and I enjoy it very much.

Also I find that the best friends I have are the ones who I don't have to speak to every day (in fact I might not see them for weeks), but when I speak to them, I can speak to them about whatever I want.

I thought this was just me. I have a very easy time meeting people online, especially in foreign language chat sites (I like chatting in Spanish and French). I have an easy time getting them on my msn account, but after a time or two of talking with them, it's either very boring to talk to them or I can't come up with anything new/interesting to say.

i seem to sabatoge friendships. i dont know why i do this, but it would be nice to see how it would feel to not do this and be fine with any possible outcome that might happen