What do I talk about with a new friend?

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A few days ago I was at a small party with about 20-30 people. As soon as I came in a girl with similar music interests noticed my shirt and we hung out together for 2 hours until the party ended. She occasionally asked me basic questions to get to know me and I felt kind of bad because I answered most of them with one word and I didn't ask her a single question either. She was really outgoing and knew almost everyone there so I was surprised that she hung out with me that long. She said that we should hang out and go to a concert sometime, basically saying that she likes me. At the end she told me to add her on Facebook and that I could message her at any time. I said hi but all she said was hi back and I couldn't think of anything else to say. I didn't want to ask something like "How are you doing?" Since it was only 20 minutes after the party. I'm still having a hard time of thinking what to talk about. I don't want to repetitively ask things like "What's your favorite band?" I think she was kind of waiting for me to say something but I never did. I really want to go do things with her but I don't know how to ask as I've hardly done anything with friends.

If you like movies, you could ask her to see a movie with you or watch one at home with you. I find that helps me because I know there will be scheduled time where I am not required to make conversation, although before or after there will be conversation. But it helps me to start out with little bits of conversation first.

If you have a favorite music artist in common, you could start a conversation about a specific album or song.

You could ask her out to eat with you somewhere.

You could look online for things to do in your area that are fun or different (for instance, there is a labyrinth near where I live, so that's a neat thing to invite someone to; or maybe there is just an interesting event going on).

If you are outdoorsy at all, you could ask her on a hike or just a walk outside somewhere pretty. You could even take a picnic along!

Another thing that helps me: if I am trying to get to know a new person, I like to have someone with me who I am already comfortable with. That way the burden of making conversation and providing entertainment is less stressful because this other person I am comfortable with can help out with that. So, if you just want her to be your friend, that would be an option. Might not work very well on a date, though, unless you did a double date situation (I am not sure if that is considered appropriate or not though if you are just starting to date...?).

Hope this helped!

Short answer: (pretty much) whatever you want.

Long(er) answer: If you meet someone at a party, ask how they know the host. If you're college-age, ask if they're going to college and talk about your majors. Ask about current movies or current events that aren't too politically charged. If you already have a common interest (such as a band) learn more about that.

Options are endless, really. This website has a number of articles on conversation: http://succeedsocially.com/allarticles# ... nversation

I'm really nervous about asking to do stuff with her since I've never asked anyone before. I feel I could easily ask and even easily deal with rejection if I had experience at this. All I really want to do at this point is to continue talking to her so she doesn't stop talking to me and hope that she would ask me to hang out or she'd be used to me enough that I would feel comfortable asking her. I don't know how much she likes me so I don't want her to feel like I'm clinging to her. Also there is something about her but I'm not too sure, it seems like she doesn't know much about pop culture as most other people do so that would've been a pretty easy subject for me to talk about. She didn't know most of the recent pop songs like Happy and Let It Go which if even I know about them, they must be well known then. This year was her first of non homeschool so I don't know if that's why she doesn't know much about pop stuff but that's what I'm assuming. Last thing, is it bad if I ask to do something with her but I don't have a drivers license yet? I didn't get one yet because I didn't have any reason but this year I'm feeling like being more social plus my mom is buying a new car in the next few days so I'm feeling very motivated to get one now. What would she think if my mom drove us to wherever? What about if I asked if she could pick me up? But then again I'm not sure if she has a license either.

It's reasonable to be nervous. I get nervous too still. I don't know anything about pop culture lol But you could find out what some of her other interests are besides the music you both have in common (just ask her what they are! maybe there will be something there you want to talk to her about and know about too). Talk to her about what being homeschooled is like and how she feels about not being homeschooled anymore.

About the car thing- it can be awkward having parents drive you around I imagine but it is safe to do as a teenager I think. Or your mom could drop you off and you could meet her somewhere. If she can drive and has a car or has one available to use, it wouldn't be a problem to have her drive I don't think. It is pretty common for teenagers to be unable to drive or have access to a car even if they can drive. No big deal.

I am so nervous and stressed out I don't even know what to do now. I didn't want to message her every day in case it would annoy her but I'm also feeling bad for only sending one. I felt she really liked me but I don't know if she's just like that with everyone she meets. I like her so much that she actually made me smile and I felt a certain happiness that I haven't felt in years. Since she knows I'm really quiet what would she think if I messaged her every day? Would she feel good knowing that I like her so much I would even go to talking to her, since I am extremely quiet?

I know that if we do become good friends I could talk to her way more comfortably than right now. When I had close friends I remember that I was as social as them and that's my main goal right now with her. So much is going through my mind I don't know how I can make it happen though. I don't know if I'm exaggerating the distance problem too much because I feel that's the main thing preventing us from being better friends. If she was closer we could go do stuff more often, go to each other's houses etc.

Common interests. Common memories. That the crux of it, really, for friendship.

Hey there- you can definitely send her more than one message, although I might not message her every day. It depends on how the conversation is going. You can have a conversation that can last over the course of days possibly or maybe it will only last a little while. After the conversation kind of closes off, I would wait a day or two before starting another one, so you don't seem too desperate or clingy. But you can go ahead and try starting up a conversation now! And here is something I always tell myself that helps me to be less nervous: it isn't only my job to keep a conversation going or make it a good one. I can get really stressed out thinking about what to say, how to say it, what we can talk about. Then I just remind myself that the other person has a job in this too and if it doesn't go well or we can't find something to talk about, it wasn't just my job to make that happen! The other person should be able to come up with things to talk about and help keep the conversation going as well.

I can't tell you if she would recognize that you like her so much you are willing to talk to her when normally you are so quiet- she could realize that but might not on her own. She will recognize that if you are talking to her and trying to keep a conversation going, you must like her though just because that's what people do when they like someone!

Distance sucks, though, for sure when it comes to friends and to dating. It can make it hard when you don't go out of your way to keep in contact with people (like me!). How far apart are you two though?

I don't know exactly where she lives but the city she lives in is at least 13 miles away. I would feel bad asking her to hang out and making her come all the way just to do that. Is there any way I can tell if that would bother her? I feel she's the kind of person that says "I don't mind" but can't tell if she's just saying that.

Well, 13 miles doesn't seem that far to me! I would be more than willing to drive that far to hang out with someone I like anyway. There is no harm in asking her; if she thinks it is too far, it is her responsibility to tell you, in my opinion. You can get an idea, though, if it bothers her more easily if you are talking to her than you can through a text-based conversation. It is unlikely that she will reveal reluctance that way, I imagine, if she is trying to hide it. If she did, she would probably add "..." at some point in her response back to you, I think. If you were talking to her, she would probably pause and seem to be thinking it over- which doesn't always signify reluctance I have found, but sometimes just signifies that someone is making sure they actually can in case they want to think about if they had prior obligations or anything. I am not always sure which one is which though. She might say something like "I guess" or "maybe" and those things could signify reluctance. But if it is maybe it could just also mean she needs to check with her parents or something.

My real advice though is don't try to analyze it toooo much. If she is reluctant about coming, she should tell you. Also, you can tell her, "Hey, feel free to be honest with me if you think the drive is too far." Then, you really can't be expected to know yourself if she is reluctant or not I feel like. She can speak up for herself!

It's a great first step that you guys have (potential) FB contact and she said you could message her any time. Don't worry about what you are going to say to her too much. If you haven't already, start with something like "I had a great time with you at the party the other day" and then you could continue asking her about her interests, while also telling her a bit about yourself. That's the ice breaker. From there, it really depends on whether you two get along or not in the FB chat/messages. If you do, you might ask her if she would be interested in meeting up some time for activities you both enjoy.

If you are nervous, you should mind how you formulate things, because when you are, and you really want to see someone who you don't know that well, if you try to type to many words it may look like you're coming on too strong. Since she already knows that you're of a shyer persuasion, she won't hold it against you if you keep your message a bit short, and besides, that's probably the more correct form now that you've only met once.

Good luck, at any rate! I'm in kind of a similar situation myself right now. Met a very interesting girl the other day, I'm curious whether she'd be up for lunch with me and we could talk about lit and drawing (she draws, I draw, so draw your own conclusions).

Well I talked to her again today. I was helping a teacher out and somehow she found out I was in there so she skipped class and told me she came here to be with me. I was really surprised that she said that and I guess she really likes me a lot but now I have another problem that isn't so bad. She said I should come over to her house this weekend but all I did was agree. How am I supposed to respond? I want to go but I don't want to just invite myself over. She also said she doesn't mind the drive since another friend she's picking up lives pretty close to me.

I think there should be no worry, because she is the one who invited _you_. So that indicates she would actually like it if you came over. If you worry about what to say or do when you're over at her place, don't fret too much because you'd be her guest and she'd be the host. So just follow her lead.

I can understand it if you feel nervous to in a strange new environment, so if you feel you're not ready to take that step, you could suggest that you could meet-up at a neutral public spot instead. Maybe somewhere halfway in-between you guys, or either in your or her hometown.