Indecision, and bad choice ruined a large part of my life

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I have struggled with this problem for most of my 39 years on this planet. I often want one thing then another and then the original thing or go through several ideas or variations. For example when I bought my Ipod, I researched it and decided that Ipod was indeed the best MP3 player, so thats what I got. Once home the familiar routine started. I found a tiny scratch so had to return it as flaw or defective. Then I started questioning my choice so returned it for a Zune. I did more research and was unhappy with the Zune and returned it for the Ipod again, only to be unhappy with the Ipod and take it back for a creative labs MP3 player. I would do more research and find something else I didn't like about the creative or it would be scratched or something and it would probably go back at least once, and which one I would ultimately end up with always takes weeks or months, and is always a crap shoot.

Its not just MP3 players I am like this with anything I buy, it doesn't matter if it cost $2 or $20,000. I am also like this a lot with people. I say, do, ask for, want, need something or think that I do and I ask then I change my mind or question it. When I was dating before I was married it was always a huge drama about going out, where to go what to do, where to live, what to watch because I could never make up my mind without going through all the other things first. I am on Adderall now which I just started and I hope will help, but I know I drive my wife nuts most days, and my kids as well.

making friends for me has always been very hard because of my Asperger's and ADD anyway, but the inability to make a choice about almost anything has crippled me in many ways. I have learned many coping skills on my own throughout my life since I was only dx a few years ago, so I have not had any classes or therapy for social skills or adaptation. I am starting to realize more and more as I grow older that I need and want people in my life, that I need and want friends. The desire is there, it is the knowledge and skills to make and keep them that is lacking. Sometimes I feel so depressed like I am trapped inside another world, one that is out of sync with this one. Like it is not really me living this life, but someone else and I am just an observer along for the ride. Like it is happening to someone else and I am not really in control. Sometimes it can be very scary.

I think part of the reason for most of my inability to make a choice stems from the fact that I have continuously make bad choice after bad choice most of my life. Now I guess I always assume that every choice I make is going to be bad or the wrong one before I even make it, and sabotage myself. It is like I set myself up for failure then wonder why I fail, but its almost like I am powerless to stop it, because I do not even know or realize I am doing it until it is to late and I have once again gotten myself into a compromised position or been hurt, taken advantage off or made to look like a fool or idiot. I have embarrassed, or hurt myself and my family and friends time and time again. I often wish people could see the real me and not the Asperger's, but it is there like a blinding light over shadowing and over powering everything else in my life. What real angers me the most is that 75% of the time I am able to hide my Asperger's pretty well and people who have limited contact with me often don't even know that I have it, so they think I am neurotypical or "normal", I hate that word but I will use it here. When my Asperger's does show it usually comes out if full force so it is not something I can hide or cover up, and because I appear normal most times people often think I am just being a jerk, or mean, or using AS as an excuse for bad behavior.

Does anyone else feel this way or have you struggled with similar things?

I understand to some extent. I'm very indecisive when it comes to PC games (i.e. picking characters classes or traits). With things like MP3 players or computers, I've learnt to accept that I probably won't get the best value for money or most hi tech item in he whole world, but it does the trick and it's not worth the stress and time it takes to get a tiny bit extra... after all, with MP3 players, surely all the have to do is play music?

Maybe you should not analyse your options so much; pick one and go with it for as long as it works. If it doesn't, then change if you can, if not, stick with it until you can get away. With small things like what to do on a night out, just go with your gut feeling (or if you don't have one, alternate between option A. or B...). Don't stress out if you think you chose the 'wrong'option; the choice not taken always looks rosier to the reality you took, but if you had taken it, there would be a lot of experiences and skills, and people you would not have met as a result....

I would agonize about things being flawless or "the best." I still managed to get stuff done, but I've long learned to be a lot more flexible on how "perfect" something must be.

I spent over $500 to upgrade and repaint a used motorcycle I bought. Not even a week after I had it, the tailpipe came loose and dragged along the ground.

It was the last time I fretted so much over something being perfect. I just gave up on trying anymore.

Its not just things I stress over, people are my biggest problem. My first wife left and took everything I owed, house, car, money and ran off with another guy half her age with no job. My second wife stole $40,000 in cash from me and ran off leaving me broke, and homeless. One of my girlfriends tricked me into buying a house in her name, then dumped me. Another women told everyone I got her pregnant and refused to take care of it, because she didnt want her married boyfriend to find out or get in trouble (it wasnt mine, but everyone treated me baddly for months till the truth came out).

I have lost jobs for being too honest, or sharing to much. I paid $2000 to much for a washer and dryer once (twice what they cost at the store brand new) because someone talked me into it.

Hmm, looks like you need a good friend to stop you from getting screwed over again and again.

Oh dear, looks like you need to stop trusting people.


Also you need to stop letting people talk you into things and dig in your heels.

I need something, lol