I'm having a very hard time right now...

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Hey all,

I'm still very new to this wrongplanet and I the perfectionist part of me tells me that I don't have aspergers syndrome that I'm just morally deficient in some ways which is totally NOT TRUE, but yet I believe it often....

I don't have a diagnosis of aspergers but I have posted before that I am in a couple 12 step fellowships. I'm 20 years old and my entire life i've seemed to numb the pain of dealing with my parents in a drug addict household and facing problems with social communication and interaction overall.

I'm posting because I need help. There are a couple things I realized about myself:

1. When I am talking to girls I have a hard time looking at them in the eye and people in general. Why? Because i can't seem to concentrate on looking at them in the eye and listening to what they are saying at the same time, it just seems impossible for me to do I don't know if anyone else can relate. But I focus in on what they are saying more when I look away from them, it eliminates 1 extra thing to deal with. this girl on the bus said to me "why aren't you looking at me in the eye" this same girl came up and approached me, relatively cute too...

2. When I feel awkward socially when talking to a girl, I either seem to feel numb or i get angry when the situation just seems awkward and I don't know what to talk about. Yes this happens with guys too..

3. I have problems concentrating with reading too; its not adhd, it just takes me extra longer to understand something the words seem so foreign sometiems. i do not have dyslexia either.

4. When I am in class, I have difficult time participating for several reasons: fear that i will say something wrong, very little concentration span on the subject i zone out very quickly.... etc...


So that's my shpeel, I need some help to see how you guys cope with some of this stuff if you even deal with it. It's been bothering me lately this s**t....

= Sam

Hello!

1. Sounds like you have some social anxiety issues, like me. I too have a hard time talking to females of or around my own age -- even though I am a female! Figure that one out, lol. I don't cope with it too well. I mostly just speak when spoken to.
2. These negative feelings may arise from a difficulty of self expression. Now you understand when your problems happen and why. The problem is fixing it. This is something I struggle with, too, as in finding the proper (if any) words.
3. I generally break down the words. I read a lot as a kid and have a good grasp of prefixes and suffixes ... probably will help me on the GRE or something. Grasping the bigger picture, though, is an Aspie problem, among others. I reread it a few times. Yeah, it's difficult concentrating, isn't it? Maybe you can read the first and last few sentences to get the general picture, and then read the inside for details. I have been doing this more for research, when the stuff is REALLY tough.
4. I understand the ph34r. However, fears are irrational... and if speaking up in class helps you learn better, then by all means do it. I am speaking up more in my one class out of necessity; I won't get the material otherwise. Asking people to repeat themselves, that is. Indeed, I have made a fool out of myself in class, too. But, I think most people forget about it, as they've got way bigger issues to deal with (grades and whatnot.) I have learned that even if I try to hide myself, my personality will rear its weird freakin' head sooner or later, so I am working on being myself. Some people find this easier to do than others.

Hmmm... You may not have Aspergers, but you may. There is also the PDD-NOS problem. I feel sad that you are having a rough time. Keep exploring Wrong Planet. Maybe you'll find the answers to your persistent questions.

I also find visuals distracting while listening and thinking, so I often just close my eyes altogether and add a bit of "facial animation" (simple expressions) to indicate interest, concentration and/or whatever else I might be thinking or feeling at the moment. That might or might not work for you as it does for me, but that is what I do ... and at the same time I am also working on just when and how I will again open my eyes before the other person might become uneasy about their being closed.



I just keep doing my best to remind myself she is a willing participant in the conversation and that I do not have to be like anyone other than myself even if she really is expecting something other than what I have to offer. I am married and older than you, but I still have the problem, and sometimes even with my own wife.



I have the same problem and I do not know a way to overcome it.



I hope someone with classroom experience has some insights or suggestions to offer you.

In response to the first response. My psychotherapist strongly believes that i have aspergers, and what is NDD-NOS?

These are interesting responses, more would be appreciated. Thank you two so far...

no more response?