How do you make friends?

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The friendships I've have are with people who initiated the friendship. How do you find people you can relate to in real life. I can do it online. I would like to have someone as a friend who has overcome or has emotional problems (depression preferaby but other ones would be ok too). Understands that I like to be alone at times. Doesn't ignore me but will talk to me and accept me. Ones who try to understand but are honest when they can't.

How do you find and make friends?

Well, some of the ways I use to make friends wouldn't work in places like the USA, because the social rules are different. Amongst other things, I just start chatting to someone in, say, a bookshop or at the place where I go dancing, and then later we go for coffee, or maybe have supper together and so on. I've built up a support base of friends I can go to if I feel I am going to have a meltdown and if I want someone to hold me.

Having said that, most people think I am kind of wacky, but they don't guess I'm autistic although I usually do tell people after a while. Unless I am struggling with sensory processing, anxiety etc. (in which case Imay avoid people, as I did often last year), I am pretty sociable. I can get on OK with non-autistics provided they are not too 'normal'.

I also met a lot of my friends as a result of IT events organised by geeks. Sometimes I meet friends online, e.g. by reading their blog oron Twitter, and then we get together in the solid world later.

I met some friends through an aspie friendship club. We get together for a meal at someone's home, or do some other group thing together. The aspie group is the highlight of my 'social calendar'. I also have non-autistic friends who come along sometimes. They like it because they don't have to be so socially correct there, and so it's relaxing for them.

Hello Uhura. I'm 67 years old. Allow me to share some conclusions.

Nothing in this world is made or found because everything is one...you. You create two, three...me. Reality defined as thought, energy, experience, matter and objects are willfully created by your sentient consciousness. Time. distance. motion, change and choice are created illusion. Light and the universe originate from you. You are much greater than the outline of your body.

I present these ideas to you Uhura not for you to believe or disbelieve but for you to accept or not accept as alternative perceptions or realities.

If you opt for non-acceptance Uhura, your denial will illustrate how constrained, restricted and bound you are to the way you currently look at yourself and your surroundings. And you suffer. Peace be unto you Uhura.

I do not necessarily make friends, they just pick me sometimes.
I use jokes.
They work pretty well, although they usually are not structured jokes with a clear storyline, moreso comments on a present situation.

I don't understand. I don't like not understanding.

Don't bother to try to understand that Uhura thing. It's irrelevant to the conversation.

Dear PLA. I'm writing in the english language using proper and appropriate vocabulary, diction and grammar.

You cannot understand what you do not accept, and you do not accept what you continually deny. Let's try again PLA.

(1) Everything is one...you. (every thing PLA) What is there not to understand, but everything to deny!

(2) You create two, three...me.

(3) Reality defined as thought, experience energy, matter, and objects are willfully created by your sentient consciousness.

(4) Time, distance. motion, change and choice are created illusion.

(5) Light and the universe originate from you.

(6) You are much greater than the outline of your body, What is there not to understand PLA, but everything to deny!

You can't really go out searching for a personality type like that. Unless you are a mindreader you can't tell someone's personality by looking at them. However, you can find people with similar interests and from them find a good personality type for you to be friends with. Try going to groups with your interests. For example, if you are into anime you could go to an anime club or if you are into writing you could join a writing group. Events can be helpful too. If you are a poet a poetry slam would be great and if you are into science fiction a sci-fi convention would be helpful. You also could volunteer for a cause that you believe in, such as recycling, rescuing animals or feeding the homeless. You might also meet friends through friends.

Friends make me, I go along with it. If it lasts it lasts if it doesn't it doesn't.
There a rare occasions where I find someone I really connect to and we last for a few years. I've had some friends that have lasted years but most last less than 12 months or are exactly 12 months, sometimes even micro friendships last last for a day or week.

Allennnorde's gonna start a cult.

I'm useless at making friends and useless at keeping them. I never know what's expected of me and it all just takes up too much of my headspace.

This is a topic I'd really like to see more input on! This and the other topic floating around right now about topics for small talk. What are effective ways of making friends and keeping them? These are two commonly reported problems that people with AS face. Impairment of the abilities of making friends and socializing with them shut out a lot of opportunities.

To address the OP's question:

Finding friends is very difficult for me. I have a small number of friends, but I only consistently see two of them. They are old friends of mine from years passed, I am not close with either of them. I really want to make more friends, but I can't go to college yet, and I can't find a job, and I just moved to this city, and I have no car...I really don't know what to do. I've decided it's a pretty pointless endeavor, that's why I use places like this as an outlet. Even making friends on the internet is pretty difficult for me. I want potential friends to have an even temperament (to not be turbulent), an open mind with respect for truth, and an interest in the natural world. It seems these criteria are ridiculous because I have a hard time meeting people that fulfill them (maybe my standards are too high?). The hardest one seems to be finding people with an interest in the natural world. It seems to me like a lot of people are superficially interested, but as soon as I try to draw conversation to a deeper level they lose interest.

It seems that when many people want to make friends with a person, they simply walk up to them and initiate conversation. They use something casual to start conversation, like a possession of interest that the person has, something about what they are doing, etc. It's not hard for me to approach a person as those people do, my problem is how to actually consolidate a friendship with that person. Basically after initiating conversation it's like I get a few lines into the dialogue and I run out of script. I know that I need to use the information they give me to further the conversation, but it's like whatever I think of saying or asking with that information isn't suitable.

It's like I have to be performing an activity with a potential friend in order to have natural dialogue with them. If we're both doing something, then there's a pretty easy and obvious topic. It even feels like I can better use the information they give me, maybe because I'm not 'on the spot'; there's an activity which brings us together beyond conversation. Unfortunately these situations occur very rarely, and when they do the person I'm corroborating with isn't someone I really want to be friends with.

The real problem seems to be improvising conversation. I get nervous, but it's usually because I don't know what I should say (being nervous probably only makes this worse). I've been getting better over the years at small talk, but it's still difficult for me. For instance, I have a hard time knowing what's appropriate to say to someone I don't know very well, and I'm afraid that if I just say anything that comes to mind, my social ineptness and radical idiosyncrasy will lose me a potential friend.

Once I've actually made a friend, and I generally understand the person, it's pretty easy for me to keep them as a friend. Sometimes I just need to remember that if I want that person to remain a friend, I have to periodically maintain some level of contact (or if I really like the person, which is rare, I sometimes have to restrain myself from smothering them).

So basically I can keep a friend if I've made one, but I've got three problems. The first is that I have a really hard time approaching someone I am interested in being friends with because the whole process feels really awkward and unnatural to me. The people I want to talk to and be with the most, seem forever beyond my reach! The second problem is that once I have the opportunity to converse with such people, I don't know how to direct our conversations in a captivating way. The third problem is, I don't know where in the real world to meet anyone I can tolerate!

raiding cemetaries

Hey Uhura what are your interests... passions... obsession... the things you like most? Join clubs , groups take classes based on these interests of yours. Simply volunteer in doing something you like to do. You will meet prospective friends, for sure.


Everyone has to work to maintain any relationship, friendships are no different. I just try to treat people how I would like to be treated. Don't be afraid to converse with the people you meet. If you see something about a person you admire, be sincere and let them know. Look for shared commonalities you may have with these people which you could discuss with them. Be mindful that you aren't overly friendly with them and don't be too distant either. At the sametime you have to determine if they are the type of people you want to associate with. I'm not an expert on making friends, these are just some things I do when I am in a new situation and need to make friends.


I often drag my feet when it comes to socializing.. Maybe you do the same. If so, force yourself to go to meetings or outings if you have too. Decide what you are going to wear ahead of time. Plan what you are going to be doing up to the appointed time of the gathering or meeting. I believe you will feel better for getting out and just going. I do.

Taupey

Music forums. Before that I made my friends at college or at church. And I ain't ever going back to church.

My closest friends are You Am I fanatics. So we meet up, go for drinks, go to a gig (You Am I or similar) and I talk to them most online. Only one person from that group is the only person I text.

Then there's the music festival forum. These people I'm not as close to but do sometimes meet up with them. I was invited to a house party and got to hang out with them. I didn't much like the house party. It was small and quiet but I got sick of it pretty quickly.

Then there are my two friends I met many years on another forum. Same thing. We meet up at gigs, although we spend a lot more time talking, probably because I've known them the longest.

I'm also close to some bands. I could probably not see them from 6 months at a time, but when I do see them I want the night to last.

I don't see a whole lot of them but I keep in contact with them over Facebook.

Hey Uhura what are your interests... passions... obsession... the things you like most? Join clubs , groups take classes based on these interests of yours. Simply volunteer in doing something you like to do. You will meet prospective friends, for sure.

There are no clubs for things I like that are in my city. I like gerbils and have both a friend I private message to and several aquaintences on the forum. I do like Star Trek but have no one here that will talk about it with me, except for casually mentioning it in conversations. I like doing Family History but the people there aren't once I can relate to in terms of friendships (age differences, etc).
I will look for things I admire in people and tell them as you adviced.

For now I will stick to going to church and the Family History Center to socialize. I do find I do better if I plan on finding someone to talk to or something like that, intead of just looking at them. Mostly I only respond when people say hi or ask how I am. It might help to change that and initiate saying hi or asking how people are. People say those of us with AS focus on ourselves. I think some of us are the opposite since letting other people talk frees us from having to stop ourselves from talking to much in detail about things.

There was someone else who wrote something I wanted to reply to. Next time I will look for it so I don't double post. How do you do quotes from two different posts from two different people?

I have a couple of close friends and a lot of acquaintances.

Both of my close friends I met through work. I was able to work in intimate settings with them where we could have conversations and get to know one another better. One disclosed to me of his HFA diagnosis and my other friend and myself shared a lot in common through our conversations when we worked together as security guards. These friendships have lasted 15 years and 10 years respectively.

I have met a lot of acquaintances through my political activism and my church.

Making close friends takes time and being in the right place at the right time. There needs to be opportunities to be intimate with a person from a conversational standpoint. Things also have to click at that time when it comes to interests and personalities.