Question of WP members who are loners...

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What is it about solitude that attracts you? Is it
for choice, comfort, or do you see solitude as a personal
necesity? Is it because you fear judgement because
you are a narcissist, if you are one? Is it because
you fear people doubting how amazing you can be?
Why are you an introvert?

My point here is you're wasting time
hating the world, wishing everything
and everyone would go away, instead of
looking for something to do out of your comfort zones.

I've been out in the world among people long enough to learn that I'm more comfortable being alone.

It's less painful in the long run for me.

I'm not an introvert, but I like being alone as well as being with people. I don't like going out into the chaos that is the world. It is too disordered, too unpredictable. When I am enjoying my solitude, I don't have anybody to have to depend on. I am free to do whatever I like. I'm not thick skinned enough to block out people who are obviously ignoring me and making fun of me behind my back, but I'm still me whenever I go. Apparently, most people don't like the real me. They think I'm funny and weird. They won't understand unless I disclose, and I don't want to disclose because then they'll observe me like I'm some sort of a specimen. I want to be treated like a normal human being. Because I am a normal human being, in my world.

Being alone refreshes me. Solitude is a better word. I enjoy being with people but I tire quickly. I'd enjoy gatherings much better if I could have 15 minutes alone out of every hour. Being alone brings up my energy level.

Your post - Was it intentionally hostile?
I am an introvert and not because I hate the world, or because of narcissism. I just have a hard time around people....

Wow, I wonder why you're asking the question at all, with all of these assumptions and answers you've already got. I think I'll address some of those.

1. I don't "hate the world." I'm perfectly happy with the world, so long as I don't have to deal with too much of it at one time. The world and the creatures in it are absolutely amazing and I spend a great deal of my time learning and exploring the world around me.

2. I've never "wished everything and everyone would go away." That's a silly and childish attitude to take and I rather resent the implication, thanks very much.

3. You seem to think that being an introvert is some sort of bad habit. Introversion isn't a lifestyle choice, good or bad. It's a personality type, just like extroversion. I tend to take the world at a slower pace because I need to, not because I choose to. I'm slower to process emotions and information than an extrovert would be and I need time and quiet in which to do so. I also become drained emotionally and physically from being around people. This is, in fact, the big difference between extroverts and introverts: extroverts find people energizing, while introverts find people draining. Conversely, introverts tend to find solitude energizing, while extroverts tend to find it draining. It's not a bad thing, just a different thing.

4. What makes you think I'm wasting my time? I happen to be extremely productive with my time, far more so than many extroverts I can name. Just because someone spends their time differently, doesn't mean their time is wasted, and just because you don't see the value in what they produce, doesn't mean their endeavors worthless.

5. I'm neither a narcissist nor a fearful child hiding under my bed. I certainly have no illusions about my own weaknesses and personal failings -- I've got plenty of them. I have plenty of strengths as well. I like most others well enough, but, outside of a select few individuals, have frankly never really cared whether anyone else believed in my abilities or not. I do my own thing and, by and large, if others see value in it, that's great. If they don't, that's fine, too.

Pushing comfort zones is all well and good. It's another thing entirely to ask a person to completely ignore their psychological make-up and be something they simply are not. Everyone relates to the world in their own way. Mine just happens to be different from yours.

No, I am a loner too and would like
to learn the perspectives of fellow loners.

OK...next question.

Do people doubt you just by looking at you?

It happens to me A LOT, and it makes me
uncomfortable when someone, regardless of gender,
stares at me for a excessive amount of time.

I don't know what this means. How do you know what they're thinking about you if they don't say anything? It sounds to me like you're making assumptions about other people's motives, again.

^^
It's just a question.

To paraphrase my question:

Do people have a tendency
to doubt you, just by looking at you?

For me hanging out at a party is like turning on several radios and televisions on different channels. It's sometimes interesting, makes a lot of noise, but mostly pointless.

First, when among groups of people, I am still alone most of the time. Interaction just doesn't happen despite my best efforts. Solitude is simply a fact regardless of my actions.

Second, noise (especially voices, including radio and TV) gets overwhelming after a while. I think it's a sensory processing thing.

Third, I simply have many interesting things to do, that others aren't interested in anyhow. When they are, I try to include them, but it doesn't happen very often.

I have no social anxiety whatsoever, less even than most NTs I've met. I've made impromptu speeches in front of live audiences, without hesitation.



Maybe he means people judging you without any further evidence or actions on your part, based solely on your body language. They may have said or done something to indicate their suspicions, which is how you would know what their conclusion was.

I think you may be under a mis-aprehension as to what exactly introversion is. Read "Psychological Types" by Carl Jung. Specifically "...the introvert is distinguished from the extravert by the fact that he does not, like the latter, orient himself by the object and objective data, but by subjective factors." Jung p.373 Princeton University Press (Note that here when Jung refers to subjective, he is referring to the individual in question so what Jung is saying is that the introvert relates to data in an almost purely internal manner rather than relating it to another person the way an extravert might)

Introversion is a way of relating to the world around you. It is not shyness or self-isolation. To grossly simplify the issue a person "introverts" certain kinds of actions, thinking for example, but might extravert other actions such as intuition. (The whole Meyers-Briggs thing comes from Jung) A person who introverts thinking would tend to think quietly alone, but that same person might extravert intuition and in a situation where an intuitive response was called for, might be open and voluble with others.

As mentioned by others, you seem to be making a few assumptions. It even seems that you assume introversion is a choice. It clearly is not. I am an introvert because I was born that way. My introversion gives me certain skills and creates certain problems just like another person's extroversion provides benefits and handicaps.

Perhaps this post may be clearer if you eliminate the references to introversion or restate it in a manner that is consistent with introversion. You might also get a more useful answer if you do not close with a fairly narrow assumption that an introvert "hates the world"

Generally if you speak to very introverted people who tend to isolate themselves, you will get a number of answers along the lines of "I only feel like myself when I am alone" or "it's exhausting to be around people all the time." Certainly those are the answers I would give.

Would isolated introverts be better if they got out of their comfort zones? I imagine everyone can benefit from exploring the world outside their comfort zones. Extroverts might learn things about themselves if they isolated themselves for a while. Yes, of course many on this forum might do well to get out a bit more. But to introverts, especially people with AS or autism, too much getting out with other people can cause injury. I went to a very loud sports bar with some friends, mostly NTs, and by the end of the night found my reflexes were strangely muffled. I became over sensitive to any touch yet found myself unable to respond at the normal speed I would under regular circumstances.

Some people thrive on environments that others would die in. Some people like the desert. Others the ocean. There is nothing wrong with either preference. The world needs diversity. Don't demand everyone be exactly the same.

Lars

I'm still not sure what you mean, but at face value the answer is no. Why would they doubt my abilities and potential? They don't know me. If that's not what you meant, then what exactly do you mean by they "doubt" you? I think when people look at me, they get nervous and leery, and will reject me for how I appear. That happens on a 3 out of 10 basis.

Yeah OP, how are you a loner exactly?

Fear of being judged doesn't make someone a narcisst.

I happen to be a loner with a dash of misenthrope. (introverted , yes) I am not a servant to wait on others hand and foot. I do distrust many people to a degree, but that has it reasons. I will help someone if I feel it is usefull and appropriate, and most of the time, it's not needed. (though I do share oppinion, obviously) I do not need attenion much at all.

Jagatai, said it to.

Then there is social avoidant difficulty. (I don't have it. Just saying)

Well, given that I have been known to not leave my house or pick up a phone for months, it seems that it would be fitting for me to try to respond...

Solitude is a personal necessity for me... if I do not get enough alone time, my nerves get shot, I become exhausted and fall asleep, start to go on melt down mode and break things... I need my alone time like I need air. I am most comfortable alone. I am happiest when it is quiet and I have hours and hours to just disappear into my head. The world and the people living on it make little sense to me. I do not understand what the appeal of the chaos is. It is quiet in my head when I am alone. I wonder why more people do not seek that. It is nice. I would rarely leave my head if I did not have to.

I know people say that they feel refreshed, rejuvenated... many good things from being able to go out and be among other people. I do not feel that way. My ex once told me that I am the only person who can be in a room full of people having a great time and walk out looking like death. They just exhaust me. It is too much.

I do not fear judgment from others, nor do I concern myself with fearing that they will question my 'amazing-ness'. I am more concerned with how I see myself. I rarely care what people think of me, so it would not occur to me to stay in because of what they think. It is impossible for me to care what people think if I do not think of them... make sense? That sounded odd to me... In that, I have no idea if they doubt me when they look at me. I have never asked anyone. Besides, I have better reasons to stay in that what people think. The noise they emit is enough to keep me holed up. Heh.

As a comical contradiction, I am married and have children. I tend to fall bassackwards into relationships and for whatever reason, people sometimes just stay with me even though I am a complicated pain in the butt when it comes to playing well with others. Were it not for my immediate family, I would not leave my house. Were the members in my family not out of the house for eight hours a day, I would lose my mind. It is a delicate balance some days...

most people want a gallon of social connection
I am happy with a cup or less

Why is that so hard to understand?