Sick of being a billy no mates

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I'm sick of having few or no friends. Most of my life the only people who have spent time with me are those people who have to (teachers/bosses etc). I very rarely make friends, and I lose the few I do.
I'm sick of it! I want friends!

I thought the same until I realized 'friends' are more trouble than they're worth.

Sadly, I think It's something you're going to have to accept.

I've found getting a dog to be an excellent way to fulfil some of that need for friendship. It's true what they say about them being man's best friend.

No you don't. Wanting a friend never works. You end up with all kinds of weird NT stuff and worse.

But you might make a genuine friendship and work at it.

After I moved to the USA from Scotland I kind of lost touch with most of my Nt friends. They were all about marraige, babies and over 30's bars. I only have a couple of close friends here. My best friend is my boyfriend who accepts my melt downs, my quiet spells, one word answers, reluctance to have a convo on the phone and having to prompt me to give him a hug. If there is one thing I learned is, Let people come to you .

Just absolutely messed up this trying-to-be-friends thing with a man I really fancied... resisting the urge to beg and whine and please, please, please start liking me again. A recent post was right: if you have to chase someone, it's useless. If he wants to come back tome, he'll make the effort... We were having these long conversations on Facebook and I think this is a problem because, as everyone says, you're deprived of the the person's expression and tone of voice, and miss the irritable shifting in the chair and the "Please shut up now" signals. Also, as I write a lot anyway, the person I'm addressing stops being that particualr individual, and becomes "the reader" I addess when I write other things - a sort of reflection of self... so overstepping the mark is pretty much a certainty, esp. with the Asperger's stuff added in. A weird, unreal closeness appears in email exchanges. (I should say none of this was sexual - dammit). Also I do know him in the real world - in fact he introduced me to Facebook. So there are two of him, really - the man I write to and the man I speak to. This is a VERY cautionary tale, I must say.

OH - and I spend ridiculous amounts of time on those, "How to tell if a man fancies you" websites. Ignore them! They lie!

I went on and on about some stuff that happened to me with another man. PLEASE STOP TELLING ME ALL THIS! he emailed, albeit more politely than that. Mortified, I shut down my Facebook page altogether (emailed him to explain and apologise). He has my phone number: he hasn't tried to contact me. Oh well: he will if I mean anything to him, even as a friend. And if I don't, he won't bother, and I have to accept that. YOU CAN'T FORCE PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU. I should get a tattoo to that effect.

Maybe you can't be friends with someone you find attractive anyway. Never told him how I felt, as a lot of things made me certain of rejection. So at least I have some pride, however tattered. He'll just think I'm appallingly intrusive, and probably veer away. Going to avoid him in real life too. Too much, too much...

Oh well...

I am currently confused by a failure to communicate while trying to figure out if I
can learn to make friends and understand why I have never made one (especially
a female friend) all by myself. My friends were all made either by introduction by
other friends or people who shared my special interest starting to talk to me
while I was doing my special interest. I agree with "let people come to you" ...

but I am having a temporary crisis involving demanding myself to figure out
exactly how and why I reached my current age without ever having even an
ordinary female acquaintance. I bolded that because of atypical
circumstances I can't explain simply, but anyway, opposite sex friends
that share special interests are as rare as Phosphorescent Adamantium.

I know you can't force people to like you. I kind of wish you could.
I get very lonely, and I just wish I had friends who wanted to spend time with me, and who cared about me.
I wish I had people who invited me out to do stuff (besides my parents).
I wish there were people I could talk to when I'm having a rough day (besides my therapist)

If you want to go out and do stuff with people, why not join activity groups and such? It's not quite the same, but similar. You might even make a friend.

And you know that we are all here to talk to? Why not write a post or get in the chat room if you need to talk. I'm sure someone would respond. Often I find just writing stuff down for no one to read is as good as pouring out to a friend or therapist.

I go figure skating, and I've recently started trampolining. My T did suggest some local AS group to go to, but I'm waiting to hear from them.
I do post, and it does help. I just wish I had friends in real life as well as online.

Sounds like you're doing about as well as I am then. I have a few 'friends' but I can't really rely on them to let me talk about my problems or anything with.

I've been posting on another web board about my friendship problems. They have basically been saying it's my fault. That really made me feel good (not).

Personally Aly, I'd much rather be "Sick of being a billy no mates" than "mary shut-in." You wanna trade?

Surely that is the same thing?

not exactly in my case I'm both, and, because (A) I have very few friends and (B)I'm a very social personality type but I spend pretty much all my weekends at home alone because all my friends do things(ie go to movies, go out for drinks) and I can't afford to go with them. I would much rather have very few friends ("billy no mates") but still have the means to go out with them than have few friends and have to constantly turn down the offer to do something with them ("billy no mates" and "mary shut-in").

I'm a very lonely person. I don't have any friends at all. I've had a group of friends in the past who at first I liked very much but in time they learned that I was easily manipulated and they just used my friendship for their own gains. I was that desperate and worried that they would do what my previous group of friends did and ditch me, that I would lend them money and give them lifts in my car as none of the drove. Eventually I got some backbone and realized they were just using me and it ended badly.

That was years ago and I have yet to make any other friends. I seriously struggle in social situations. It seems the harder I try to make friends the more depressed I get about it as my efforts never work. I've heard it's good to ask questions to make conversation but from recent experience this just seems to irritate people. I have been asking them about things they are familiar with and not some random topic or things I only like.

I find eye contact very hard. I find it threatening and perceive that other people find the way I look at them when I do force it as being hostile. I have been told that I show virtually no expression when I talk with either my face or body so I think people find it as hard to judge my intentions as I do judging theirs. I constantly worry about what people think of me.

I've never had a girlfriend either and at 27 now I can't see a future where I might ever get one. I'd like to meet someone very much. I'm not even that interested in sex. Well, I am but it's far from my first thought with a girl. I haven't experienced it yet.

It seems so unfair that unlike severely autistic people, Aspergians want so much to be accepted and have friends yet many, like me, find it an impossible task. What is life and its experiences if there is nobody to share it with? Nobody seems to understand or appreciate how I see things. I'm around people everyday yet I feel very isolated. I keep imagining that Sam Beckett (from Quantum Leap TV show) would leap into my body and sort my friggin life out. It's starting to get a little creepy that I'm talking to a guy that isn't actually there called Al.