Ever stuck around when you knew you weren't wanted?

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

29 Mar 2010, 1:19 am

I've been known to do that a few times. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one though who makes that mistake, hoping it'll get better.



memesplice
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,072

29 Mar 2010, 1:29 am

Yep. Am hermit now. I don't bother. I do whatever social interaction demands. Get out after social transaction completed. Keeping it short and sweet.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,628
Location: the island of defective toy santas

29 Mar 2010, 1:38 am

i am "the thing that won't leave." like in that old gary larson cartoon, the hosts have to play possum before i get the unspoken subtle body language message to leave. why don't they just say "good night, we have to retire now"? i'm smart enough to get THAT, but NO, they have to be subtle and all that.



astaut
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,777
Location: Southeast US

29 Mar 2010, 2:40 am

Hmm, not really. I've been in situations where there is a group of people and one wants me there while the rest don't...in those I will sometimes stick around though I really don't like to. For instance, I was tied to a group of people by a boyfriend and a female friend who was dating a guy within that group of people. None of the other people within the group really wanted me there. Their reasons for disliking me didn't really make sense to me (said I was too quiet which came off as rude, and when I did talk I was blunt...that's just my personality). Eventually I broke up with the boyfriend and was very relieved to be away from his friends. I find it really stressful and draining to be around people who don't want you around, but that's just me.



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

29 Mar 2010, 4:11 am

astaut wrote:
I find it really stressful and draining to be around people who don't want you around, but that's just me.


So do I, but in the cases I did, it was out of desperation. I hate to admit it, but I felt I wouldn't find anybody else who would accept me, so I just stuck it out. I resent the energy I gave it, and how unhealthy it was.



Surreal
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2010
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 424

29 Mar 2010, 11:26 am

WOW!!

I must really be in the right place! Not only the situation of not being wanted, but also the reasoning behind not being wanted. It's the whole "too quiet coming off as being rude" thing or coming off as weird or whatEVer. Or because I'm "not like everybody else" because I actually prefer being alone to being in a relationship - which comes off as being selfish.

With some people, what works when they act like that is to treat them the same way - completely give them the cold shoulder and act like you don't need them. Trying to gain their acceptance is an act of desperation that only makes matters worse. Don't even so much as speak to them.

After all, they acted like "Ye are the scum of the earth" so what should they care if you now turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to them?

The thing is that people play on perceived weaknesses and differences and attempt to make life miserable for such people.

The trick is to allow oneself to be led by a Higher Power to be guided to the relationships that will bring out one's best qualities while resisting the urge to seek acceptance from HATERS!



Moog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,671
Location: Untied Kingdom

29 Mar 2010, 11:46 am

I do tend to hang around longer than is comfortable. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if other people would just plain dismiss me, or tell me to p*ss off. I might wait around a bit, and see if any more interaction is forthcoming, and then wander off and do my own thing again. If people are desperate for my company they can call me back (that hasn't happened yet).


_________________
Not currently a moderator


passionatebach
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 447
Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa

29 Mar 2010, 12:27 pm

Shall we say "I've been there, done that"! Actually quite a few times.

I have worn out the welcome mat quite a few times in my life. I do notice that people give out subtle clues sometimes that I am not wanted, either I tend to ignore them (especially if I want friendship with a person), or don't pick up on them.

Human dynamic can play a part into this. I was in a recent situation working on a project with a friend and his parents, chatting up a storm with them, while my friend's wife was sitting there making funny faces at me, or only grunting short answers when she was included in the conversation. Needless to say, the friendship with my friend went south shortly after that. I still don't understand to this day what his wife had a beef about with me.

I also agree people need to be a little more upfront about this. Instead of giving subtle clues, if somebody would tell me, "we have some errands to run", or "it is time for bed", I would pick up on it. Same thing goes when a friend needs some empathy or symphaty from me. Instead of giving me subtle clues, verbalize with me.



passionatebach
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 447
Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa

29 Mar 2010, 6:53 pm

auntblabby wrote:
"The thing that won't leave."


I am probably known as this by a few people.



Shebakoby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,759

29 Mar 2010, 7:31 pm

I hung around but only because I was curious as hell.



Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

29 Mar 2010, 8:42 pm

No. As soon as I know I'm not wanted, I go and find something more interesting to do.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,628
Location: the island of defective toy santas

30 Mar 2010, 4:21 am

passionatebach wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
"The thing that won't leave."


I am probably known as this by a few people.


'tis a pity that folk like us don't stick together too often.



zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,613

30 Mar 2010, 7:29 am

Sometimes. Mostly because I could not think of an easy or painless way to exit without it being obviously awkward.

Do you just leave? Do you shut up and keep to yourself and leave with everyone else?



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

07 Apr 2010, 11:56 pm

zer0netgain wrote:
Sometimes. Mostly because I could not think of an easy or painless way to exit without it being obviously awkward.

Do you just leave? Do you shut up and keep to yourself and leave with everyone else?


Oh, that don't bother me. I could care less how they feel after I leave. It's usually that I'm in denial.



PrisonerZero
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 98
Location: Pennsylvania

08 Apr 2010, 3:02 pm

I'm a member here.

I'm still alive.


So, yeah.



GoatOnFire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,986
Location: Den of the ecdysiasts

09 Apr 2010, 2:01 am

I still post here. So I guess that is proof that I stay past my welcome. :P


_________________
I will befriend the friendless, help the helpless, and defeat... the feetless?