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krazykat
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26 Apr 2010, 10:22 am

I have a very bad tendency to clam up around people I want to talk to unless they strike up a conversation first. It is an annoying situation for me because I would like to make a friend or two, but it is very rare for someone I'm interested in to greet me first. I have been in situations where I really want to speak, but can't and then I never see that person again. I'm wondering what would be a good way to handle the situation, should I write a note saying "hello" or something?


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VolcanicEruptions
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26 Apr 2010, 10:36 am

I have exactly the same problem. Fortunately though, I do have a couple of friends.



poopylungstuffing
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26 Apr 2010, 10:47 am

Except in settings like my venue, where I have to tend bar, and to some extend casually talk to customers and band members...I have a really hard time dealing with people I have not been formally introduced to...If some sort of initiation does not take place, then I may find it impossible to talk to them and I have a very difficult time being friendly with people who try to make themselves familiar to me unless there is some sort of protocol followed where an understanding is established as to why I need to be friendly and familiar with this person....Because of ways some people have tried to establish contact...acting too familiar without proper introduction, it has caused me to have a complete aversion to them...
There is a girl who works for us and even lives in our house who I have never been able to initiate a single conversation with..because she is quiet also....but she talks to other people..So I can't talk to her because she won't talk to me and she won't talk to me because I can't talk to her....



jc6chan
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26 Apr 2010, 10:48 am

krazykat wrote:
I have a very bad tendency to clam up around people I want to talk to unless they strike up a conversation first. It is an annoying situation for me because I would like to make a friend or two, but it is very rare for someone I'm interested in to greet me first. I have been in situations where I really want to speak, but can't and then I never see that person again. I'm wondering what would be a good way to handle the situation, should I write a note saying "hello" or something?

If the person doesn't know you, then I would say the only way to start a conversation is in a group situation where you know other people in the group. When the group talks about a topic of interest, you can contribute to the conversation and he/she MAY become friends with you, it depends. If the person kind of knows you (they know you exist but doesn't know you too well), then find some opportunity (perhaps when both you and him/her are alone) to start a conversation by saying hi, introduce yourself, and go from there, start talking about stuff that interests both of you.



Agnieszka
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26 Apr 2010, 10:50 am

I have the same problem.


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Willard
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26 Apr 2010, 11:40 am

I've been so discriminated against over this very problem, I'm currently being prevented from holding a job in my home state because of it.



Surreal
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26 Apr 2010, 12:42 pm

Yeah...I'm like that, too. Actually, though, I have a number of friends and associates. Still, it is sometimes a struggle for me to start or even maintain a conversation.

Sometimes, I just listen. The fear is that if I try too hard to talk that I'll wind up saying something STOOPID!



Psiri
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26 Apr 2010, 2:27 pm

Had exactly this problem today. I walked into a shop and the girl had her back to me. I had no idea how to attract her attention so I just waited for her. It's embarrassing.


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krazykat
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26 Apr 2010, 6:43 pm

I have one friend, she introduced herself first and she thinks my weirdness is totally awesome!
My big problem right now is I want to try talking to a guy who takes the same bus I do every week, but I am rendered temporarily mute around him :oops:
It doesn't affect my ability to write though, so I'm thinking of handing him a note that says something like "Hello, I notice you take the same bus I do. My name is blah blah blah etc."



Mapler
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26 Apr 2010, 11:39 pm

I have a huge issue with this. I have an acqaintance I talk to during Spanish class who I really want to get to know better, i.e. do personal things outside of school. However, most conversations we have are somewhat one-sided and he starts them. Normally what I would do is bond with my friend on the internet (more time to synthesize a good response). I am very good at socializing on the internet since I'm not nervous. I am a bore IRL and I say wrong things too much due to my anxiety.



Jpeg
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27 Apr 2010, 3:55 pm

I have this problem too, I can't talk to someone I don't really know unless its about something technical, small talk with a stranger is all but impossible for me.


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pensieve
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29 Apr 2010, 6:30 am

I think I have this problem, but I don't usually talk to people I don't know. I may just smile at them. If I like someone and I can't talk to them then I do wait to be introduced or sit in a group and hope that we can start talking that way.


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29 Apr 2010, 7:42 am

Psiri wrote:
Had exactly this problem today. I walked into a shop and the girl had her back to me. I had no idea how to attract her attention so I just waited for her. It's embarrassing.


That happens to me all the time. I'm virtually incapable of initiating conversation. I don't know why.
Flapping one's hands does nothing to get the attention of someone whose back is to you. Trust me; I know.


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29 Apr 2010, 11:38 am

For me, the trouble was, if there was a conversation going on in my presence in which I wanted to say something but couldn't, I became very anxious and my nervous twitch (the one where I blinked fast and jerked my head) would start. Then, of course, somebody would notice, and they would ask me,
"Why are you doing that with your face?", and my reply would be,
"I don't know", while looking at the floor. I couldn't help it, but it got worse when I knew I was doing it and trying to think about making it stop.


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30 Apr 2010, 7:31 am

Bingo. My brain is completely wired to function that way. I cannot speak to anyone else spoken to. I just never know what to say. My mind is blank. I can't even say hi to someone unless they say it first. I figure if they don't say anything, that means they don't want me to. The truth is I don't have the ability to make friends because I cannot be the one to strike up a conversation and start anything. Because of that, it eliminates any chance of me getting a girlfriend as the male has to be the one to start a conversation. In end, my entire brain for years has relied on others to get conversations going.


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kwilky
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30 Apr 2010, 2:39 pm

I have this exact same problem. What I want to say is right on the tip of my tongue. I almost say it but then back off and don't. It annoys me. Makes it very hard to talk to people. It's not even that I don't want to talk. I just can't. Something in my head says don't say it even though I want to. I believe it's a fear of embarrassment. It's strange though because I often think that what I want to say wouldn't embarrass me but I still just can't blurt it out. Someone else always has to initiate the conversation.